How do you cope when NT's treat you as if you are dumb?

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johnnydangerous
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20 Jun 2011, 2:10 am

I'm sure other AS'ers have experienced this. People who talk to you as if you were a child, or in a very deliberate manner because they think they have to "talk down" to you, and use very simple terminology in order for you to understand them.

These people may even put you down, and think you are too stupid to see when they are making fun of you. For example, they'll roll their eyes, or smirk while talking to you like a smartass.

Meanwhile, what these dummies will never understand is that while they are spending their lives thinking you are stupid, you are actually possess a lot more natural intelligence than they ever will.

How do you cope when an NT treats you as if you were dumb, when in fact you know you are smarter than they are? It's amazing how an NT will assume things about someone with AS based soley on their ability to socialize. In other words, if you can't socialize well, you MUST be a dummy, or have a low IQ.



Last edited by johnnydangerous on 20 Jun 2011, 2:33 am, edited 2 times in total.

zena4
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20 Jun 2011, 2:14 am

When people look down on me, I take it as a training for when I'll be very old and unable at anything.
It makes me cry.



swbluto
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20 Jun 2011, 2:17 am

Mimic them or mock them and basically make fun of the way they're treating you -- this will either piss them off and get them off your back or humor them, either way, it works to your advantage. Of course, that is a socially sophisticated NT maneuver... hmmm...



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20 Jun 2011, 2:17 am

Quote:
NT's are so f*cking stupid.


Firstly, please avoid generalised statements about NTs such as this. You don't like it when people say all people with AS are stupid, so don't say the same about NTs because that is hypocritical.

Secondly, on everything else, yes I have experienced this. In fact we have a supposed 'team leader' at the care home I live in and he is always talking to me like I am stupid and lies to me all the time and thinks I don't notice.


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johnnydangerous
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20 Jun 2011, 2:34 am

Jellybean wrote:
Quote:
NT's are so f*cking stupid.


Firstly, please avoid generalised statements about NTs such as this. You don't like it when people say all people with AS are stupid, so don't say the same about NTs because that is hypocritical.

Secondly, on everything else, yes I have experienced this. In fact we have a supposed 'team leader' at the care home I live in and he is always talking to me like I am stupid and lies to me all the time and thinks I don't notice.


Yes you're right. I edited out my comment. I am frustrated with things lately, I apologize.

I'm just tired of being seen and treated in this manner. I am tired of being disrespected.



glasscasket
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20 Jun 2011, 2:38 am

My fiance and most of my few friends are NT. I talk openly to them about my AS. I used to feel very hurt when NTs put me down or talk down to me, and I still feel the hurt here and there. Now I either ignore them or assert myself in a polite manner when neccessary. If your "team leader" treats you like that, speak up, let him/her know you are smarter than they think. They don't have to like you, but you still deserve respect as a human being. If they still think you are stupid, it's just ignorance on their part. Is there a supervisor at your care home that you can talk to? Because there is no need for that "team leader" to basically belittle you and treat you like a child when you are an an adult. But please throw out this superiority complex out the window. Think of being equal to an NT as a human being, not smarter than them. You just think differently, that doesn't make you dumb.



johnnydangerous
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20 Jun 2011, 2:43 am

glasscasket wrote:
My fiance and most of my few friends are NT. I talk openly to them about my AS. I used to feel very hurt when NTs put me down or talk down to me, and I still feel the hurt here and there. Now I either ignore them or assert myself in a polite manner when neccessary. If your "team leader" treats you like that, speak up, let him/her know you are smarter than they think. They don't have to like you, but you still deserve respect as a human being. If they still think you are stupid, it's just ignorance on their part. Is there a supervisor at your care home that you can talk to? Because there is no need for that "team leader" to basically belittle you and treat you like a child when you are an an adult. But please throw out this superiority complex out the window. Think of being equal to an NT as a human being, not smarter than them. You just think differently, that doesn't make you dumb.


My IQ is very high and so is my intelligence. I am usually smarter than the people who put me down, that is a fact. It's not a superiority complex. It's a fact. But if you'd prefer, I could lie and say we are equally intelligent. I just don't quite get how lying about it makes any sense, though. But if it makes you feel better, I'll do it. :)



glasscasket
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20 Jun 2011, 3:00 am

Making me feel better, don't worry about that. It's only the internet. I was just being honest about how your post sounded to me. I'm just saying that not all NTs are that ignorant. I did not suggest lying. I guess I am wrong about the superiority complex, it just sounded like that to me. I just think that if you can stand up for yourself calmly and politely (even if you can't stand the person) it can get you the respect that you want. You don't need to lie, just word your concerns the right way. Practice if you need to. You can have a high IQ but still have some areas in your social skills that you can improve.



Tayribeiro
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20 Jun 2011, 3:11 am

Arrogance



johnnydangerous
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20 Jun 2011, 3:18 am

Tayribeiro wrote:
Arrogance


I don't think so. I think of arrogance as one thinking they are better than someone else. For example, people who look down on me. They think they are better than I am, because they feel they are more intelligent. This assumption on their part is based not on fact, but by their own ignorance. It is also based upon, ironically enough, lack of intelligence on their behalf.

I, on the other hand, KNOW I am more intelligent than they are. Yet I do not feel as if I am superior. Nor do I treat them, or anyone, as if I am better than they are. I'm merely stating the fact that I am more intelligent because it has some relevance to the discussion at hand.

Have you ever had the belief, or knowledge, that you were more intelligent than someone else? We all have at one point, whether we want to admit to it or not. At that moment, were you being arrogant?



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20 Jun 2011, 4:24 am

johnnydangerous wrote:
Have you ever had the belief, or knowledge, that you were more intelligent than someone else? We all have at one point, whether we want to admit to it or not. At that moment, were you being arrogant?


I've had these moments. One time, a girl I didn't get along with asked why I thought I'm smarter than everyone else. How do I reply to this?


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20 Jun 2011, 5:21 am

I actually behave this way most of the time, with a smirk on my face. Because im thinking about things that are outside of the conversation at hand.
So yeah most people must think im arrogant and i am a bit but not to the extent i project. Its kind of a mixed thing, people of low iq tend to think im stupid and people with high iq tend to see me for what i am. Lower iq people only want straight answers that dont really explain anything. If you cant explain things very well which happens a lot with aspies then they will think you are stupid because they have no clue what you are talking about.



Halla
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20 Jun 2011, 6:19 am

I can't defend myself very well. I just won't say anything.

My mother doesn't know about my AS but she is always talking to me like I was an idiot...



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20 Jun 2011, 6:27 am

johnnydangerous wrote:
glasscasket wrote:
My fiance and most of my few friends are NT. I talk openly to them about my AS. I used to feel very hurt when NTs put me down or talk down to me, and I still feel the hurt here and there. Now I either ignore them or assert myself in a polite manner when neccessary. If your "team leader" treats you like that, speak up, let him/her know you are smarter than they think. They don't have to like you, but you still deserve respect as a human being. If they still think you are stupid, it's just ignorance on their part. Is there a supervisor at your care home that you can talk to? Because there is no need for that "team leader" to basically belittle you and treat you like a child when you are an an adult. But please throw out this superiority complex out the window. Think of being equal to an NT as a human being, not smarter than them. You just think differently, that doesn't make you dumb.


My IQ is very high and so is my intelligence. I am usually smarter than the people who put me down, that is a fact. It's not a superiority complex. It's a fact. But if you'd prefer, I could lie and say we are equally intelligent. I just don't quite get how lying about it makes any sense, though. But if it makes you feel better, I'll do it. :)


I'd suggest reading Sun Szu "Art of War". I don't care for it's application in the commercial world but some of the ideas have some practical psychological basis.

There is story of a Chinese General who was intellectually gifted, a great martial arts master and warrior. He bided his time among his enemies which included public humiliation being asked to crawl under the legs of his oppressors and being kicked, allowing it - yet knowing he could have killed them in hand to hand combat. He waited patiently for the opportunity when with the minimum cost to human life and the quickest time he was able to usurp the enemy kingdom through stealth and strategy. His followers showered him with praise but he knew that the art of defeating his enemies was patience and skill, and controlling his impulsiveness and emotion.



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20 Jun 2011, 6:59 am

I used to truly hate it. I used to take it to heart too, I respected their opinions and assumed I must be stupid. Heres why it doesn't bother me anymore. It takes intelligence to recognise intelligence. In the absence of readily apparent evidence of the contrary, stupid people assume others are just as stupid if not more so than they are. Smart people by default give others the benefit of the doubt and understand that there are so many unseen variables involved, its impossible to accurately identify the source of abnormal traits displayed by someone, let alone use them to gauge their mental capabilities. When you understand this you can no longer feel bad about someone assuming you are stupid because you know that that is merely a reflection of their own stupidity. This applies to many other aspects of ones personality (for lack of the right word) too. For example when someone judges me as being afraid I have a tendency to give them way more credit than they deserve by assuming that they are braver than I am when in reality that couldn't be much further from the truth. For whatever reasons over the years I've rid myself of as many fears as I could which is most likely why I'm not afraid of dying, being dismembered, being severely injured, going to jail, becoming homeless and many other things that happen to people and I have a tendency to fall under the illusion that everyone is like this but in reality thats not the case, some people are still afraid of these things and similarly they have a tendency to presume others are the same way. This is whats so ironic about it. I've noticed that when I display incontrovertible evidence that I am by the very definition of the word intrepid, some people will try and rationalise it as me just being naive and unaware of the consequences. When I display incontrovertible evidence that I do fully comprehend all the consequences that come with doing things they think I should be afraid of then they conclude that I am insane/mentally unstable. Its only people that have some balls themselves that see it for what it is.

cyberdad wrote:

I'd suggest reading Sun Szu "Art of War". I don't care for it's application in the commercial world but some of the ideas have some practical psychological basis.

Brilliant advice! I haven't read the book, I've only seen a documentary from which I came across a handful of the concepts and what little I picked up from watching that documentary has impacted the way I live immensely. I'm gonna order a hard copy of the book and read it from cover to cover. These concepts extend into so many aspects of life, it goes without saying that learning them changes your life.



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20 Jun 2011, 7:08 am

I find it a bit amusing, honestly. People who don't know me and assume I am slow may treat me that way; it's an interesting thing to observe, sociologically, to see how people's behavior changes when they are addressing someone they believe is not very smart. I suppose I wouldn't find it all that funny if people who knew me well thought the same thing and treated me that way, nor do I like it when they routinely treat others that way (in either case it would involve severely underestimating people's maturity and abilities)... but when it happens to me, it's usually strangers or acquaintances, and it really just makes me chuckle.

Granted, sometimes speaking in distinct, precise words can help, if I happen to be really really overloaded. But only if they speak normally. That singsongy baby-talk way they have of talking to kids is ridiculously hard to understand; I don't see how they think it'll be easier for me to understand if they do that. I've gotten almost all my practice understanding people speaking normally; how come they think it'd be easier for me to understand people speaking abnormally? The world may never know...


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