Do I have Asperger's or another ASD?

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Hi everyone,

I have been really obsessing for the last few days about this so I figured I'd ask for people's thoughts online.

For my entire life I've had pretty major social difficulties, and everytime I looked online for some sort of explanation as to why I kept finding references to Asperger's and Autism. At first I didn't think that it was possible but after scoring 41 on the AQ test and reading more and more about ASDs I'm beginning to strongly consider the possibility that I may have a mild form of Asperger's.

I have made a list of some of the symptoms I am experiencing/have experienced that might be related to AS:

• Lack of interest in most social interaction - only interested in talking to certain people when I feel like it
• Social withdrawal and isolation during childhood – possibly lack of imaginative social play?
• Very uncomfortable around people
• Difficulty in making friends – don’t know how to act socially and what is appropriate
• Lack of connection with other people – even people who try to be friends with me I feel like I can’t be bothered with most of the time
• Difficulty in initiating or maintaining conversation with people I don't know
• Talking excessively to people I know well (mainly my parents), even if I can tell they're not interested I'll persist in talking about what I want to talk about.
• Dislike of being hugged/touched by almost everyone except intimate partners – if a stranger touches me I’ll become extremely defensive and often fly into a rage
• Taking things too literally – finding it hard to tell when someone is joking and perceiving insults that aren’t intended
• Not laughing in situations where it would be expected, or laughing hysterically at inappropriate things
• Sensitivity to light, being unusually irritated by noise, noticing and reacting to small sounds that others don’t seem to be aware of (despite being deaf in one ear!)
• Stronger attachment to objects than people – particular fondness for certain parts of things, e.g. zips on a bag
• Poor eye contact – in situations where I feel obligated to make eye contact I feel very uncomfortable
• Had a special/intense interest in childhood (birds) which apparently I was exceptionally knowledgeable about
• Had an advanced vocabulary at a young age (so I’m told)
• Difficulty in seeing things from others’ point of view/lacking empathy (so I’m told)
• Difficulty internalising thoughts – frequently talk to myself in public and ‘think out loud’
• Delayed motor skills – couldn’t catch a ball (this was put down to me being long-sighted), couldn’t tie my shoelaces til I was 7, couldn’t button my coat in the first couple of years of school (other kids did it for me), didn’t start walking til later than average (13 months I think), couldn’t co-ordinate dance steps, difficulty learning to hold a pen/pencil (still have an odd and uncomfortable pen grip although my handwriting is fine)
• Clumsiness, bumping into things, knocking things over, spilling things etc throughout my life
• Running awkwardly as a child
• Sensitivity to tone of voice
• Possibly unusual fixation on and/or memory for numbers/figures, e.g. someone’s height or age/DOB, film ratings, film release years, dates in general
• Possibly restricted interests? This comes in phases where once I get into doing one thing I don’t want to do anything else, e.g. watching films endlessly, or playing video games for hours on end for days on end (I don’t know if this counts as restricted interests or not)
• Lesser ability to learn abstract concepts than specific details
• Slightly higher than usual pain threshold

I could have listed others but I think these were probably the main ones. I don't know if any of this is indicative of me having AS. To complicate things further I have also been diagnosed wth Borderline Personality Disorder (which would explain my outbursts of rage) and Paranoid Personality Disorder (which would explain my tendency to perceive unintended insults and my avoidance of others), but these could, in my opinion, be a result of my negative social experiences which may or may not have been caused by AS. So I really don't know, I'm really unsure and confused about all this right now, I plan to see my doctor soon to ask for a referral to be assessed but in the meantime any input would be appreciated! Oh and I am a 28-year old female by the way.

Thanks a lot and hope this isn't too long to read...

It's definitely a possibility. I would even go as far to say that it's a good possibility. You described all the major symptoms. Good luck getting a diagnosis.

I agree that it sounds like ASD.

What I wonder is if they'll just add that label on to you instead of revisiting the other ones. For example, I don't believe that people with ASD should be diagnosed as Bipolar. Too many of these labels are subjective no matter how much science they want to use to describe them.

When I was diagnosed with ASD the doctor said, "you have aspergers but what difference will it make knowing? it's not like there are any services for you,"

I think that knowing can be very important to understanding yourself and perhaps reframing your past experiences.

It is my understanding that people who are borderline are as*holes. You do not seem like an as*hole to me.

I am sorry you were diagnosed with those disorders.

My six year old and I start testing on Friday. I am very excited. This whole experience has been scary to say the least. I also researched Asperger's obsessively. I also studied Borderline Personality Disorder for myself. I made a checklist. Check mine out if you want. I am 34 and have an AA in Sociology and Psychology. I am currently going to school to get my BA in Sociology. I started taking Paxil and Buspar for my depression and anxiety about a week ago. It does help.

Reasons for BPD:

Risky behavior. I have 5 children with 5 different fathers (though I was in a relationship with all fathers at time of conceptions). My oldest is 14 and my youngest is 6 months. I love to gamble (I am really REALLY good at cards and stragedy games). I have done A LOT of drugs and drank since age 15. I get into relationships with abusive partners, or partners with drug/alcohol addiction. I have shop lifted and started a fire.

Depressed a lot.

I have been abused in all ways. Emotional, sexual, and physical.

I do not get along well with others (which is also in Asperger's). My longest relationship ever was my second marriage which lasted a total of 3.5 years.

I have had a bad self-image most of my life.

I love people one minute, then hate them. Usually are the people closest to me.

I have always felt rejected. By people around me and society as a whole.

Why I personally feel I have Asperger's and not BPD.

I do not self inflict harm to myself nor talk about suicide. Actually quite the opposite. I haven't shop lifted since I was around 18/19 years old. I haven't started a fire since I was a kid. I am an all around good person for the most part. Not much in the way of legal issues. I only get physical and start fights when drunk (and I no longer drink). I no longer do hard drugs. I smoke pot occasionally, smoke cigarettes, and have a love for caffeine. I have my tubes tied now. I have been single for a year and 4 months. I am comfortable with it also.

I have serious sensory issues. I avoid auditory and seek smell. I reject touch and crave salt, I also eat based on texture and smell.

I look down while walking and have my whole life. I also hate going down stairs. I don't jump or run very well. I hate walking downhill and it makes me anxious.

I have been given the label "annoying" since I was a small child. In high school I was nicknamed "Roach" because of this. I was bullied throughout my school life.

From my first report card in 1st grade, all the way up to my 12th grade year, there were comments about talking and interrupting too much. I still interrupt and talk over people. I don't do it intentionally, but most people don't understand and call me "rude".

I have had the same interests (Geology, Meteorology, and the taboo) since I was a child. When introduced to Psychology in 9th grade, I fell in love and have been obsessed since. My obsession with serial killers led me to Sociology as an adult. Guess the taboo interests might have had something to do with that also. I watch The Weather Channel daily and have for a little under half my life.

I was reading on an adult level (The Lord of the Rings , The Hobbit, and The Chronicles of Narnia) at age 5. Sounded like a "little adult" as a child. I read very fast. I am great at remembering lyrics and certain numbers (SS#s, phone numbers, my driver's license number, and certain math equations).

I am very monotone usually (unless excited while talking about a subject I love) and I "sing musically" to my children often. My voice is very deep. I repeat what people say occasionally, unintentionally.

I have ate the same foods my whole life. I am very picky and order the same things when going out to eat. I hate clothing, it's very uncomfortable. I don't particularly like to be touch on. I have been dealing with showing my children more physical attention and am working hard on this one. I like most odors that others dislike.

I have a high tolerence for pain. I had my 6 year old without an epidural to see what it would feel like. I have many tattoos and have had many piercings.

I can't understand accents. Even British accents. I watched the movie Snatch a total of 4 times. Took the subtitles on the 4th try to actually understand it.

I have a problem with anxiety and I worry about everything and stupid crap. (Though my new medicine is helping with this.)

I have a problem with reading people's faces. I over exaggerate people's expressions and have actually stopped sex and started crying because of this.

I am easily irritated and don't like it when people change stuff on me. I am mainly irritated by things that upset my senses.

I don't have many friends and never have. I try to have friends but something doesn't click. I have gotten to where I don't like many people anymore. The only close friends are my 9 year old's dad and his wife. He is Bi-Polar and she has Tourette's with sensory issues. They know how I am so they can tolerate me. lol

I talk about the same things over and over. I repeat myself quite often.

I almost never tell someone no. I do things I shouldn't do because of this, like risky behavior lol. I also have a hard time lying.

I don't do chit chat. I like to talk politics, religion, science, and other things like that on a long term serious level. I also talk to myself quite often. Sometimes unintentionally.

I have problems with empathy (unless it's someone very close to me, I can hug my best friend if she's having a rough day). I smile sometimes when I hear bad news. I laugh at the wrong times. When my kids get hurt, I am more the "It's ok, you didn't die, take some deep breaths, I love you always" type of mom. Then we move on.

I have a hard time with eye contact (unless it's someone close to me, though I still do look away quite often).

I have bit my nails and cuticles since I was small.

I am very literal and skeptical. I must have proof to believe something. I don't practice any religion (though I am very knowledgable). I am very scientific in my thinking. I take things literally sometimes (I am getting better though).

I rarely move onto another activity unless what I am doing is finished. I once wrote a 12 page paper in one sitting and did very well.

I can't get things done when told verbally how to do them. I must have it written down or see it done.

I do things on a daily basis that are very repetitious. I shower the same way, do dishes and fold laundry the same way, and put things in the same places most of the time.

Haha, a lot of people seem to believe that, even within the psychiatry profession. There is a lot of stigma attached to BPD. I'm not sorry I was diagnosed with it though, in fact I was relieved when I was diagnosed as it offered so much explanaton as to why I was the way I was (and I knew that's what was wrong with me from my own research anyway). The only problem I have with it is other people's reactions to it, particularly mental health practitioners who just assume you're a troublemaker without even knowng you, based on your diagnosis. I wouldn't say people with BPD are as*holes at all, having worked for a mental health charity and supported a lot of people wth BPD I can honestly say most of them can be positively lovely a lot of the time. I'd say they're almost without doubt prone to 'difficult behaviours' though which can get them a bad name but it's really down to poor emotion management rather than them being bad people.

Melodylynette - we have a lot of the same characterstics and problems (although in my case I did self-harm which I guess cemented the BPD diagnosis). Like I said in my original post, I can't help but wonder if BPD and other PDs can arise as a result of poor social interactions and experiences caused by AS. I've tried to find information on the internet on comorbidity between Asperger's and BPD but there didn't seem to be much, maybe it's a case of once you're labelled PD people write you off and don't consider any other possibilties, which is very sad if it's true.

Thanks for everyone's input so far, I'm seeing the doctor on Monday so fingers crossed for a referral.