I posted a thing about autism. Thoughts?

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cellogirl42
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13 Apr 2016, 1:10 pm

I was on XoJane, a feminist-y blog website I often lurk on (kind of like here) when I saw a post about what it's like to be a woman with autism. There was one person who commented, saying that they're NT, but wanted to know how to help make autistic people feel more comfortable and accepted. They also mentioned how they remembered how badly autistic kids were treated in school with them, being forced to make eye contact, etc. I thought the question was a good one, worded respectfully, and it seemed like the person really wanted to know the answer.

I've got the day off work, so I had the free time to write a response. I thought I'd post it here to get all of your reactions/thoughts/opinions. What do you think? Did I grossly misrepresent the autistic community? Anything you'd like to add? Any thoughts on what I wrote?

Quote:
For one thing, I'd like to thank you for wanting to learn how to make autistic people feel more comfortable and accepted in society. I don't want to speak for everyone with autism; I honestly don't think I could even if I wanted to. :)

The thing to remember is that autistic people come in all varieties. We are nonverbal, we never ever stop talking. We don't make eye contact, we cannot stop staring into your eyes. We're in special Ed, and we're in graduate school. There is so much diversity in the autistic population that it is impossible for anyone to be able to identify every autistic person on sight. Many of us take special precautions to avoid that sort of thing, to be perfectly honest.

If you want to be more sensitive to people with autism and other 'invisible disabilities', what everyone needs to do is to become more accepting of harmless 'nonstandard behavior'. Don't be so quick to dismiss actions as rudeness, coldness, or creepiness. That new coworker who didn't give your favorite pen back may be overcome with anxiety over approaching you and giving back the pen. That dude who's complimenting your hair may not know how else to make friends. That girl who didn't show up to the party may not be a flake, maybe she had a panic attack earlier that while she was putting on her makeup. I'm speaking from a lifetime of experience. Especially that last one.

Also, if someone trusts you well enough to tell you about their autism, it is your responsibility to tell them if you cannot handle it. Some people stop being your friend when you tell them you have autism, or they start treating you differently after reading stuff on the Internet. I've no idea why, but they do. Let them tell you what they can or cannot handle. Even if they're like me, and tend to become nonverbal when upset, it's still possible to communicate. Just don't let it scare you. It can be frustrating for everyone involved, but it's still the person you know inside there. People lash out when they're frustrated and when the people around them don't understand their meaning. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't assume double meanings. Make sure that if an autistic person is telling you they dislike particular situations, you listen, understand, and remember. If you're not sure, ask. What set us off may seem odd to you, but I assure you they make perfect sense to us.

At the risk of this post turning into a story about bad Christmas presents, I'll give you an object lesson. For instance, I absolutely hate the feeling of chenille fabric. I get shivers when I think of it and nauseous when touching it. It's just a type of fabric often used in cheap sweaters, I know, but that doesn't make me not nauseous. As a kid I'd tell my parents not to buy me sweaters made out of it, that I absolutely hated the fabric, that I never wanted to wear anything made of it, but I'd still get chenille sweaters for Christmas from aunts and uncles. And when your aunt from far away buys you a nice sweater for Christmas, God forbid you refuse to wear it, even if it the feeling of it on your skin makes you feel ill. All I wanted was that my parents would listen to me, respect my harmless request, even if it didn't make sense to them. That's all anyone with autism wants. I'm pretty sure that's all anyone wants, really.

TL;DR: Respect, plz?



kraftiekortie
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13 Apr 2016, 4:49 pm

I like what you wrote.

It paints an objective picture of autism as a Spectrum.

And it appeals to the kind intentions in people by encouraging people to be more flexible in how they view people in general.

That there's lots to be gained by getting to know somebody beyond all the social niceties, even if a person doesn't precisely follow all the social niceties.

I wish I could be a musician! You must be strong if you could lug that cello all over the place. :D



Lumi
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14 Apr 2016, 12:56 am

I like the differing views.


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