Coming out to my sister, the "psychologist" (NT an

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I quote psychologist because she has not graduated yet (bachelors) and is going into research, not counseling.

When I decide to go for testing for AS, I mentioned it to her and she lost it. She started accusing me of labeling myself with unnecessary diagnoses and that I don't have *everything* wrong with me and that I should stop diagnosing myself. It was very frustrating. Apparently, she does not want to speak to me because I am too self centered. I am always talking about me and our mom, and I don't give her the chance to talk about herself. (well, duh. That's something that people with AS do!) She started accusing me of acting like our mom (who does have this issue of thinking everything and anything is wrong with her and goes through whatever process to make someone diagnose her with it - she does have borderline though). You see, I had been diagnosed with so many false things, and this diagnosis of AS has taken EVERYTHING I have every been diagnosed as and wrapped it into one neat little box. Now, I only have AS, with depression, OCD and ADHD. Every other symptom fits AS.

I really wan to tell her. It is important for me to do this. She means a lot to me and I miss my sister. She has distanced herself from em and we never talk any more. I think if she understands the way I am and does HELP me to get past these social blocks I am having with her, we would be close again. I want to be close with ere. I wanted a sister for 14 years. I found out just before I turned 15 that the baby my mom was carrying was a girl (I had 3 brothers) and I was so happy. I was more of a mom to her than my mom was. I did not know that I was being (as she put it) self centered. I didn't know I was hurting her. Now, she will not atlk to me and it hurts.

How do I tell her that I have this without facing further rejection. If I tell her and she does not accept it, the relationship stays the same, but I don't want the rejection. I already hate most of my family. I don't want to hate her too. She is my baby sister and I love her. It hurts to have her not want to be with me. How do I tell her??

I think it would be easier if she was not majoring in psychology. She thinks she knows it all, and she doesn't. She did not get to see me when I was a child and a teen that had no friends and was bullied and teased. She only saw me as a mom that she didn't have, and then as her sister who was being hurt by her ex husband. I don't think she can accept that I am AS. I think she thinks of it as a fault, and she does not want to think of me this way. I don't think of myself as faulty. I am me and I like me. I just want her to accept me and love me. I don't know what to do.

Having dealt with someone else going through university and studying psychology, I get the impression that some of the things that he was taught include:

* Self-diagnosis is a bad thing and only trained professionals should even think about what you might have.

* Autistic spectrum disorders have a core deficit that makes it difficult or impossible to view people as anything but objects, unable to comprehend that said people have minds, thoughts, feelings, or independent existence/lives of their own.

I don't know if this has any bearing on what your sister believes about you, but I found these things were likely at the root of said person's apparent condescension and contempt for me as a human being and a person.

I don't know exactly what to say, but I'm sorry to hear this. I've run into this problem before, though. For example, I've been told that I couldn't possibly have ADHD because I can sit on the computer for hours. Or that I didn't act just like somebody's 8-year old son who has it.

I ran into the same opposition when I told people that I thought I might have AS. While that diagnosis is still up in the air, I think it's safe to say that there is at least something going on with neurologically. The point being, though, that I'm not looking for something to be wrong with me, but more that I'm trying to find an explanation for what I've already experienced. I think that's what most people are doing when they seek a diagnosis or self-diagnose.

I guess one thing you could do is to put your "speech" to her in writing. Maybe hand-write it out, if you can stomach that. As much as you fear rejection, I think it's worse to not say anything.

As far as getting others to accept the validity of what's wrong, you might also see about getting an official diagnosis (if you don't already have one). It might help when it comes time to convince her that you're not just self-diagnosed.

Though, if she's determined not to believe anything differently, then there's not much you can do about it. It's disappointing to think, though, that she would be so interested in psychology and not take your claims seriously.

But regardless, maybe writing or talking to her about the whole thing will help. I hope her mind is open enough to listen to what you have to say.

That's the crux of it. I've seen a lot of undergrad/batchelors students who suddenly start calling themelves 'biologists' and 'psychologists' and acting like they're in a league above everyone else simply because they chose that particular 3 year course as opposed to say, English or Hairdressing. Most end up working in completely different fields once they've graduated as well.

There's far more to those subjects than can be taught at undergrad; that's why they have masters, phds and people devoting their whole lives to one small aspect of research, so in my mind (and this is purely imo), you earn the right to use that label when you get paid to be a psychologist or a biologist or have actually contributed something to science.

If you can afford it, and it means that much to you, try getting a professional diagnosis; she may be arrogant (I don't mean that too harshly- we all go through periods of being so) but I doubt she'll go against the word of a 'real' psychologist...

Thanks

I have received the professional diagnosis. I had told her that I was going to be tested when she had flipped on me. Now that I have the official records, tests and evaluations stating that I have it (and the report in hand to prove it), I am afraid to tell her because the "I might have it" reaction was so harsh. I don't like that kind of drama, but I also want my sister.

As for her major and that, I agree that you are not deserving of the label unless you have earned it, but I will say this much of her. She took a 5 year Psych degree, and then added biology to it because she found she loved research. I am proud of what she has done. Even so, I still do think she is not being fair with her judgement of me.

I would not expect much different from a "baby" pyschologist as my mom calls them. expecially one that is your blood cause they get a high horse in school and think that once they read the textbooks, they know everything there is to know, plus the added denial in dysfuctional family dynamics....and wammo you have the situation you are in.
It seems to be universal in the health professions that the newly hatched from school are totally full of themselves. But then the good ones get quickly knocked down a few notches by a more experienced professional and they learn that their education has just begun. The bad ones never learn this and end up working in some small town taking medicare and medicaid patients cause no one else will put up with them when they have other options.

Anyway, she does need to be knocked down a few notches for her own good if she is going to be a good researcher...so you need to tell her your offical diagnosis so she can begin understanding that what is taught in school is only the skeleton of her education. You need to also tell her that you love her and you dont want there to be any bad blood between you two just because you are trying to understand yourself better and hopefully your diagnosis will open the doors for help in being less self centered, which is an AS trait.

^^^this^^^
Thank you. I think that is perfect.

While many aspies have this problem with either a therapist or a family member/close friend, you’re facing both simultaneously. You might want to remind your sister that, while self diagnosis is wrought with dilemmas, so is the idea that a future researcher can psychologically evaluate an immediate family member. While it’s unclear from your post that she is asserting that, you have every right to state it, and it assures her you aren’t looking to her for a diagnosis.

My brother (who did not major in psychology) flat out rejected my diagnosis, and in the four years since then his resolve hasn’t wavered, although there are other issues going on as well both with him and our relationship. His contention is that people with Asperger’s are uniformly low functioning and “don’t know they have Asperger’s” (i.e. they’re not capable of understanding what it is).

One hypothesis I’ve had as to why he’s so vituperative is that he might not want to admit that it could run in the family. All the members of our immediate family exhibit behaviors consistent with it to some extent, including him. Considering his misinformed conception of Asperger‘s, he might consider my diagnosis a threat to his sense of self and/or background. Could it be that your sister is experiencing something like this? .

you're welcome (((((hugs)))))))

Which means her opinion is about as useful as any member of the public. Please understand she is not a psychologist. A clinical psychologist in the US must have a PhD before they are fully registered.



This response clearly illustrates why people should never seek medical advice from their direct family. In a medical practice a GP or specialist is supposed to by law not provide a diagnosis to a family member and should advise the individual to seek an unbiased practitioner. This principle applies to a psychologist as well although somebody could correct me if I am wrong.



Hmm I think you shouldn't involve your sister in this assessment, especially if she feels so emotionally charged when you originally proposed this. I'd seek an outside source, get a official DX and then talk to your sister.

Thank you for your advice cyberdad, but I am not and did not involve her in any assessment. I told her I was going to be assessed for it (she flipped) and now that I have the official diagnosis, I want to tell her that I do. If I had wanted her opinion (even as just a family member), I would have asked for it. I was not getting her opinion. I was telling her what I was doing.

No worries and thanks for the clarification. If you anticipate your sister is going to react negatively I suggest not disclosing the result of your DX to her. I say this because my siblings have never talked to me since my daughter was DX. Like I did something wrong?

It sounds like the relationship has already been ruptured by her first reaction. Telling her about your official diagnosis gives her a chance to heal the rift by accepting it--a chance you aren't giving her now by keeping it a secret.

I agree, let us know how it goes.