Big mess I made

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I had a HUGE communication snafoo and upset my staff by something I wrote on my blog. Nevermind that I didn't use names, that they were meant to read it, and everything else... it happened. There are several issues at work:

1. I do things then don't remember doing them, such as emailing staff the link to a post on my blog months ago. Since I didn't know they had the link, I didn't realize that they could read it.

2. I have MAJOR communication issues. It happens something like this (this has taken me 23 years to work out how this happens...):

Conversation occurs
I don't hear or understand everything that's said/don't get the nonverbals
I fill in the blanks with what I THINK was said (not consciously, though)
I go to tell someone else what happened
I have expressive language issues such that what I think in my head may come out completely differently than what I intend, so I communicate what I've already understood incorrectly

3. I'd say half the time, I actually make sense when I'm explaining, so it looks like I'm lying to everyone. Now, my staff is great and knows that I do not, in fact, lie, just that I... can't speak correctly.

4. I have little to no memory for verbal conversations. Yesterday, my mom called me to tell me that her cell at home so not to call it. Ten minutes later, I was calling her cell. I don't remember that I even spoke to her! Once or twice is understandable that this would happen, but I literally can't reiterate almost ANYTHING from a conversation, and again, I fill in the blanks...

5. You'd be surprised what I don't understand or don't hear. I guess I've learned to fake it? Because, for example, you might ask me to do something and come back to find I never did it. I either didn't hear you, don't remember that I heard you, or don't understand what you've asked me.

6. I make myself look like a liar. I told staff that I had a specific dental procedure done with no novocaine and it HURT. Another time, I told her that I had the same procedure done with so much novocaine that my whole scalp went numb. It took her three or four weeks and lots of random questions to determine that I had the same procedure done 3 separate times, once with tons of novocaine and once with none at all. I mean, I knew that! I guess it's theory of mind, because I assume everyone else knows what I know!


I'm meant to have a speech evaluation soon. Would that help, speech therapy? We're also working on watching the show Friends to understand conversations, social cues, retelling stories, etc.

The only solution I can think of in the meantime is... not to talk. I'm tired of confusing people and making messes out of things. I hate to say it, but you basically can't trust anything I say. I'm a mess

I'm in a very similar general situation - it's not easy

I think I know your blog.

I'd recommend starting out with a show that has more exaggerated facial expressions than Friends. One that is less dependent on them, with more action. Something campy, like Xena: Warrior Princess. TV shows that are dependent on a subtle shift of the eyes without explanation are frustrating for me, even after years of consciously trying to work on it.

British shows are the worst. I remember a friend of mine showed me this program called "Coupling", and at one point I yelled in frustration, "I've been watching people eat dinner and not talk for four and a half minutes!! !!"
As it turns out, they were exchanging all these significant glances and smiles and whatnot, showing that Character A was uncomfortable, Character B was making fun of Character A, and so on.

Friends isn't that much different.

I have a lot of the same problems with verbal things, and i'm hyperlexic. That confuses a lot of people. I have to fill in a lot of blanks and replay conversations because I don't think the part of my brain that processes verbal speech works correctly. I have to sort of translate what's said into what it looks like written, and then read that off of my brain. If that makes any sense.

Writing out what I want to say in advance has often helped me.

I think I'm going to have to start writing everything I want to say, and then trying to read it, if I have words. But just talking is making SUCH messes out of things...

I also have no memory of many verbal conversations that I have. My husband tells me that it looks like I am listening, and I am making the right motions...but many times mere minutes later I am relaying what I have just said again. Or I'm asking the same question again (etc) with no memory of having JUST talked about it. I completely forget entire conversations, phone calls, meetings...unless it's something that I'm really interested in.
I also understand what you mean about people thinking that you lie. I get the same thing, but I don't know why. Sometimes I will tell different details when I tell the same story at different times, and someone will say "Well last time I heard this story, you said _____ happened, and now you are saying something different". I always get so confused that I stumble, and try to explain myself, and I end up looking probably like a liar, lol, while I am trying to explain that it all happened.

We can't win.