Constantly underreacting to everything

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I know most people with AS have trouble dealing with change. From what I've read, overreactions are quite common... meltdowns, etc. But I don't hear that much about the opposite. Under-reacting. I often fail to have any outward reaction at all.

I feel numb, my mind goes blank, and I go straight to "resignation" when faced with something unexpected or bad. It's like I skip over the entire grieving process and go straight to acceptance. Except that I haven't actually accepted anything. The response just never kicks in. Or if it does, it's extremely late.

For example, my dog died in my senior year of high school. But I didn't actually understand the loss until years later... at which point I started to grieve. I'd cry anytime I looked at her photo and felt depressed whenever I'd think about her. The reaction surprised me greatly as I hadn't even realized I'd been so bothered by it all.

Often it's like there's a big gap between my actions and my emotions. For most people I've talked to, the two seem to be coupled together... If you're mad, you express it. People can tell. The tone of your voice changes and some people even become violent. But for me, my reactions don't come automatically. Most people can't tell what I'm feeling unless I make an effort to express it outwardly. It's like a performance, really.

On the outside, it appears like I cope with change really well. Yet I can't help but think that the lack of response just means that emotion buries itself, only to be expressed at a later time.

Is there any way to have a proper response to changes? Or to be more in tune with my emotions and actually express them in a normal way?

I can be the same way...bad things happen, and I just go numb and view it matter of factly....untill at some point later, it all comes pouring out like lava from a volcano. As far as what to do about it....I think that falls under the "we are wired differently" catagory. The good thing about it is that it gives you a logical state of mind in which to deal with the crisis, non emotively and be able to help others who cant function because of their grief

Underreacting can be a strength. Example:

I was once the first person to come across a car accident. I checked the persons involved, and told another person to call an ambulance, and calmed down one of the victims. And after that, I looked around. There were other people standing still, and they were frozen as if unable to do anything because of their reaction.

Later I signed up to a first-aid course, so that if similar things would happen, I could be able to help more efficiently.

oh, me too!

think it just takes me a while to translate emotions into something that makes sense to other humans/myself

Me too. And I think it's fairly common. There's a film in which an autistic woman doesn't grieve over her daughter's death...can't remember what its called.

I'm not sure if I ever react to some things. I'm still waiting for some kind of sorrow at the deaths of my parents, and that was years ago.

Well said, Syrella. I know this process well. It makes me wonder if I'll just burst into flames someday. Hang in there.

I tend to overcompensate for this by putting on exaggerated expressions in situations where I know I'm expected to have some sort of reaction.
Some emotions come instantly, but very rarely have they been overwhelming (maybe 3 times).

It's just me, but I would consider it more of a shut down insteas of under-reacting.