Does this person sound Aspie?

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I don't like to mention any names, but I have a middle-aged relative, who seem to be acting very Aspie lately - although he's always seemed a typical NT to me. He suddenly has 3 common Aspie traits: an intense obsession, unable to understand other's feelings, and cannot follow routine. (I know Aspies like routine, but I've read that some go the opposite - when they cannot follow any routine and are very unorganised). OK, you don't know this person obviously, and I know how boring it is to read about somebody you don't know, but just imagine him as any person, and try to take notes to see if it fits a typical Aspie criteria.

Let's start with the intense obsession part. Ever since his wife left him, he has become really obsessed with her. She had been married to him for 13 years, and now she's fell out of love with him and has found somebody else. He's still trying to be kind to her, even though she's started treating him like s**t each time she sees him. And he comes round to his relatives (eg, our house), and he just sits there, for hours, talking about his ex-wife, and goes over exactly what he has said yesterday or 2 days ago. His mind is full of this one woman. He has 2 teenage daughters, but he still thinks more about his ex-wife than he does his daughters.

Now here's the lack of empathy and/or sympathy part. He criticises if anyone else has a problem, but he expects everyone to listen to his major problem and obsession he has with his ex-wife. People in my family say they're quite surprised by this.

And with the routine part. He has no routine at all. He even takes a walk at, like, half 9 at night, then the next night he might go to bed before half 9. Once he went to bed to watch a film at about 8 o'clock, then after it finished he got back up and went out to a relative's. And he literally forgets to have dinner or even cook dinner for his daughters, although the eldest one sometimes cooks it for him, but they usually hang out with their mates after school and so don't always come home.

This is all strange, since he's suddenly showing Aspie traits, which he never has before. Can this happen to NTs?

It can't happen suddenly like that. You're either born that way or you're not. Unfortunately some people do start behaving like this after a relationship/marriage breakdown. I'm not sure why, maybe it's just that the emotions get too much for the person to handle. Also mild psychotic disorders can mimic AS but come on in later life, however I would not suggest this is the case here.

He just sounds depressed because his wife has left him. Depressed people cannot focus easily on anything but their own problems. This is also likely why he has no routine.

That's what I always thought was true too. But once I wrote something similar on WP, and somebody replied, ''perhaps he/she was born with it but didn't show any visible traits until middle-age''. Now, how is that possible? It'd be like being born a man then suddenly realising that you're a woman half way through your life. Things don't work like that. You're either born with something or you're not, and Autism isn't one of those things what just develops in your mid-40s, then suddenly realising you had it all your life even though you had no social delays to begin with, or anything else what typically matches the Autistic criteria. That means anyone could be Autistic but be socially able.

But anyway - thanks for your replies. I think they have explained a lot, since he is depressed, and we call him a ''lost soul''.