Fighting autism...?

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Does anybody ever feel the need to fight their autism (well for me it's aspergers to be more specific).

Admittedly I hate the side of it that tends to weaken me socially. For example the anxiety, the lack of eye contact, as well as talking too fast and slurred. Also the factors of rambling on as well as not understanding people.

I spent a few years fighting these symptoms and as far as things go for me I really think I've improved dramatically - even to the point of an occupational health guy in work saying I should get reassessed (however I wouldn't. As much as I've managed to change the outside, naturally the inside is a bit more different). I mean for the most part I come across as a guy who is loud and tends to speak his mind. Although there are times where I get some odd mix of feelings that throws me back slightly.

Generally when this happens I'm guaranteed to get called 'weird' at least once. However these days I just consider it a term of endearment ; )

How does everyone else feel about their autism. Do they think that they're okay with who they are, or feel that they try to conquer what tends to hold them back?

I'm not OK with who I am. I am constantly fighting it, getting people to believe that I'm ''normal'', and trying to get through each day without keep thinking about it. I don't like being different, so I don't be different. But being like everybody else is hard aswell. Being different is easier, but ignorance, intolerence, teasing and other forms of negative attention is so overwhelming and damaging to my ego, so really, being different is hard too. It's probably because I have high self-awareness. And you can't tell someone to ''not be so self-aware'' because I am and that's that. It's just who I am. I will always be that way. And there's a possibility that I can fight my Autism, so I use the possibility. It usually works, but sometimes there comes a time where I go a bit wrong by not reacting quick enough. But I never show Autism exactly to other people. Nobody suspects Autism at all. I just show stupid, vague, slow-witted behaviour a lot, and a lot of people have thought that I just have learning difficulties.

Yeah, I do feel that everyone should be comfortable with who they are- and especially with who they want to be. It's really piqued my interest as I was thinking back to a couple of months ago when I was in a debate on an autism on a support group on FB where someone basically was getting up in arms with the argument "Why should I be changing who I am to fit in with them?!"

Kinda crazy really lol. For the most part I actually really like the person I've become since pushing myself for more confidence and whatnot. However I must admit I'd never want to change my brain for one that's NT

It seems very counterproductive for me to "fight against" autism. I would much rather understand and use it to my advantage.

Fighting against your own nature is very uncomfortable--you start to hate yourself; and you'll never succeed at changing yourself. The only progress you make is in pretending. It's probably much the same experience as what affects gay people who have to stay in the closet 24/7, or who try to deny their orientation even to themselves. It leads to self-hate, depression, even suicide. You live a lie; you present a mask to the world, a face that isn't your own. Nobody knows you. If you make friends, they are friends of your mask, not friends of the real you. You end up so very alone that way.

Facing the world as yourself, learning useful things and learning to be more independent, is much better. Yes, people reject you; but ironically, living with rejection by others is not nearly as painful as living with your own rejection of yourself.

Sometimes I like to pretend it's not there, and act like I live a perfectly normal life. That doesn't ever last long though, cause... I don't.

Well this is more what I've done in my method to combat it the best I could. I looked at the symptoms and realise which effect me, and from there work at improving myself : ) things such as anxiety were the worst. I honestly hated how I was before, so I find personally it works the other way for me, if I was to stick with how I was at my worst, I've been through some horrific depressions, but thankfully since apart from a couple of really heavy handed panic attacks I've been really happy with life.

It's certainly not been a sudden quick snap thing. It's been a very long, ongoing process for me which it will be for quite some time to get myself sorted. Self esteem was one of the worst one parts for me, as much as people say 'oh it's not possible to improve self esteem!' that's a bunch of BS! From my personal experience this couldn't be further from the truth. Most people who say that think it's something that takes a couple of weeks or a couple of months. Crazy talk I tells ya!

I do not want to conquer in the sense of eliminate what holds me back; I do want better coping skills to deal with this or that, if you see the difference. If I were dealing with stuff where I needed to wear a diaper or was literally unable to speak all the time instead of only when severely stressed, those issues I would want to conquer in the sense of eliminate I suspect.

I also suspect some people with my Asperger traits would want to eliminate the social anxiety, because if I wanted to be social, it would be crippling. Because I have gone months, maybe close to a year (I do have a friend I see every year, so I do see someone outside the family once a year at least), not talking to anyone outside my family (barring the occasional phone call where I pass it on to whoever they're calling). But I really don't care to be very social, so it doesn't bother me.

I did get really wound up for a while over the fact that I wasn't getting to church, but then I realized that I was upset more because I felt I was failing people at church than because I missed church per se. I felt like a failure because I wasn't fulfilling my social obligations, but really I'm not obligated to go every week and never have. It's just more obvious now how often I'm not going because I don't have any little ones to serve as excuses for not making it. And once I realized it was mostly about not wanting to disappoint others, and the others in question aren't really mad or upset with me, I mellowed out about it considerable and have made it to church once a month for the past couple of months now. I go on Wednesdays when there aren't more than ten or twenty people there (including the little ones, who don't stress me out as much), and only talk in one-on-one situations, and it's all good.

At least when it comes to Asperger traits, I think a lot of the stress people deal with is more external than internal, if you follow. Even when it comes to the traits that I, personally, wouldn't want to cope with, social intolerance has a lot to do with why they're so negative. OTOH, I do think being on the spectrum is harder on people who really want to be social than it is on people like myself, who would just as soon be alone most of the time anyhow, and don't feel a strong need to confide in someone on a regular basis. I have felt that need to confide in someone, have wished there was someone who would listen or who understood, but it's almost always about one particular issue and so may have been more about my outrage over injustice (and wishing there was someone else who was as upset about it as I am) than about wishing I had a friend.

I've accepted myself for who I am, and try not to pass off as something I know I will never be (in this case, normal). If someone can't accept me for my abnormality, they might as well try somewhere else.

But to be completely honest, I don't think normal really exists. I mean, it exists, but it's only here to describe someone behavior-wise (i.e., "Julie never eats lunch in her cubicle, she normally goes out to lunch with her friends.").

One thing I really hate about "diagnosing" people and giving them a label, regardless of what that label may be - is they only ever tell you what you're bad at and what you can't do compared with "normal" people. And I think that is total BS! That is a sure fire way to give people low self esteem and make them feel bad about who they are and who they were created to be!

When I first found out I was Aspy (and I was 28 at the time) at first I was kinda pissed, cause from my understanding it meant I was no good at all these different things and there was no way that I could ever be good at them, no matter how hard I tried. But then I did more digging. and more and more (cause trust me it is not easy to find the +ves of most labels) and I found a fair few.

Firstly Aspys are known for being ruthlessly loyal!! They are the people that would run into a burning building to save their friend! And when I read that I though 'yes I would!' and you know what that is apparently not a 'normal' trait. I always thought it was.
Second - Aspy is known as being the genius syndrome. All the most brilliant people in the last few centuries were aspys - einstein, mozart, bill gates, newton etc etc - all the greats
Third - aspys are highly logical. This can be seen as +ve or -ve, but i definitly see it as more of a +ve. This makes Aspys brilliant programmers, mathemticians, or whatever it is that they are interested in. Basically they are the best of the best in their field
Fourth aspys are what has been said to me before as brutally honest. Ok again this has a habit of pissing a lot of people off. But when used correctly this can actually really free a lot of people from some of their real bindings in life! Yes it pisses of ur gf if u tell her she looks fat, but it also frees up the girl who is crying to u about her weight and while all her friends placate her and tell her she looks beautiful u look her in the eye and say 'then why are u eating cake?' Dont get me wrong she may want to punch u, but said at the right time she may just look up at u as if her eyes have just been opened and go 'oh wow ur right, i need to change'
Fifth - Aspys arent touchy and ease to offend like so many are. This is especially brilliant when it come sot being an aspy girl! They make great girlfriends cause they wont cry over nothing and wont twist ur words and get cranky at u over nothing! U can outright tell an aspy how it is and they will just smile and agree with you

There are so many more aspy traits that are almost exclusively aspy that are brilliant! You just need to see the positives rather then the -ves. If they found a cure for Aspy I honestly dont think id want it....

I am not a logical genius. And lacking intelligence and social skills makes life mighty hard.

Every day.

Every time I leave the house, I'm fighting my trouble with transitions.

Every time I force myself to make eye contact so the person to whom I'm speaking won't be hurt by my seeming lack of interest.

Every time I pull through the inertia and do something productive.

Every time I push myself beyond the boundaries of my own head.

Every time I go out into the world, knowing that it will result in pain and sensory overload.

If I didn't fight it, I'd be stuck in my head, doing nothing, stagnating.