Wondering what you appear like to others?

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I've always had a question floating around in my mind and it was "how do I appear to others?" Like, what kind of "personality" or "vibe" do I emanate?

I honestly have no clue and I kept guessing I appear, at various times in the past, like...

-Major Kusanagi from Ghost in the Shell (She's a fast, precise and intelligent-sounding speaker)
-A psychotically nice flight attendant
-A lower class black drug-dealing thug
-Some kind of wealthy parent's son (Actually, a few people in highschool thought I must've came from a wealthy family because I "spoke like someone from a wealthy family", whatever that means. I'm guessing it was actually more like I "spoke pedantically like someone who's autistic/aspergian" but they couldn't tell, hehe.)

Mostly because of the way I speak, including the words/phrases I use and my tone of voice.

And it doesn't seem like I can quite pin down a "social identity" for myself. Does this happen to anyone else? I'm not entirely sure if this might just be an "NT concern" and it's not really autistic in nature, and so I wonder if anybody else who thinks/perceives autistically has thought of this question.

What's a "social identity?"

The only time I wonder what people in the aggregate think about me is when it's one of those "Oh, great, what did I do/say now?" moments.

I'm more likely to wonder what specific individuals (people I like) think of me, mostly in terms of whether they think I'm likeable and/or competent and/or interesting (since I'll put up with interesting and competent people even if they're not that likeable). But that's more about wondering if we can be friends and so fairly short-lived as a rule.

Hm interesting. I have often wondered what I appear like to others but I don't think I will ever know. The only people who are frank enough to be able to evaluate me honestly are people who don't percieve things the same way as the majority.

The only clues that I have is the times where someone walks up to me when I am sitting somewhere and says "Are you alright?" = I look sad. Or when a strange man gets a very excited look on his face and says something like "I don't think we've met! What's your name??" at work.. I believe this to indicate he finds me attractive, can't figure another reason he'd be so interested. Also, in highschool, my friends were naming animals that various people in our group looked like. They said I looked like a chameleon because my "eyes are always darting around." I assume this is because I avoid eye contact and only glance at people briefly before looking away. Also, complete strangers will often apologise for swearing within earshot of me = I look innocent? And people often tell me that they think I am smart.

What sort of "identity" those things indicate is completely beyond me. But there you have it. Those are some clues I've been able to extract as to how people percieve me.

Apparently I come across as either aloof, depressed or distracted.

People form different opinions about me based on their culture, level of education, personality their personality and believes - the list goes on. But that's no different from how opinions are formed about all other people including "normal" people. Social identities or social roles serve to make social interaction work more smoothly because they serve to help people with their personal social orientation by pretending that it makes others predictable as based on the roles they have.

The twist in my case is that a number of people expect me to be more or less like them and thus automatically and naively attempt to judge me based on the very standards and rules they would typically apply to normal people who do not have my type of different neurology and development. Interesting enough, some of those people who rigidly try to apply expectations of one form of (cultural) normality onto all of humankind notice that projecting their expectations onto me does not

A wrong social identity imposed on people is usually very problematic. It does not improve the flow of interaction nor does it help to make a person's behaviour predictable as according to the identity/role they've been secretly assigned. Being different in many ways, I'm presented with a lot of weird social roles that can be very diverse based on what the other person is like. Especially depending on what their level of social ability and empathy is low or high.

It usually gets weirder and more problematic when they're socially quite incapable but still within the range of "average" and "normality". Getting along with others who can't sort out what to expect from me because they seriously lack in the ability to comprehend social diversity and don't want to ever "be wrong" because of they think they got "amazing skills" and thus won't socially cooperate with me but try to violently make me fit their hallucinated roles is a real issue in my life.

Most people seem to think I'm sad. I didn't realize it until a friend asked me, "Why do you look so f****n' sad all the time?" Ofcourse I dodged the question. Some people think I'm smart, others think I'm stupid until they see my grades and get surprised. I may have schizophrenia though...

I am super quiet and shy. But I'm also sarcastic, so a lot of the time I seem rude or stuck up. A lot of people don't get my jokes so I tend to be subtle. Sometimes I respond to people in my head and have a great time as if I were actually part of the conversation.

Most people consider me 'unique' or 'different', but very creative. I am also very nice and try to be considerate of everyones feelings. I'm a 'thinker'... I zone out and get lost in my head a lot. Someone in highschool said I had a staring problem. As a baby I was practically mute. I still do that sometimes. I feel like a creep.

Selfish
Stupid
Self centered
Very smart
Black and white
Direct
Straightforward
Honest
Innocent
Someone who can't fend for themselves
Shy
nervous
Troll
Rude
Defensive

I have been labeled all these things as an adult, online and in real life. Every time I think I did something stupid, I think others must think that too. I have no idea where the black and white concept comes from but it must be by the way I talk so they think I am. Maybe it's my literal thinking. It's not that I don't think there is a gray, I am just doing as I say. I must have innocent looks so people think of me as innocent. I also feel people think I am helpless so they try and mess with me occasionally and every time I do something about it, I am a "bully." I was just recently called selfish by one of my online friends over something I did on another forum despite that I am doing a give and take in my marriage. I don't understand how I am still selfish if I still do things for others.


People also somehow think I am a good parent when they don't even know how I parent. How can you tell if someone is a good mother or not just by looking at them? I must have the looks.