New here: Do I have Aspergers?

Post Reply New Topic

I'm sorry if this kind of thing gets posted on here a lot. I have been obsessing over the fact that I may have Aspergers recently, and I would appreciate the perspective of some people who have Aspergers (and those who don't) to give their opinion.

My name is Adam, I am 22 years old, and I just graduated from college. I cannot really remember having much trouble socializing in elementary school or middle school, although I was definitely a quiet sensitive kid. Starting in middle school, I became very passionate about the local baseball team, the Phillies. I would become really happy when they won, and really upset when they lost (if they lost an especially close game, I would sometimes cry). Also during this time, I collected baseball cards. I compiled thousands of cards and catalogued most of them by team. I also was into collecting beanie babies, pogs, and crazy bones when they were popular. Middle school was pretty fun for me, which is a little odd I think, because most people describe it as an awkward time. I played on baseball teams and enjoyed myself, and sometimes had friends come over my house.

When high school came around, I mainly hid behind my Phillies passion (obsession?). I would oftentimes choose watching Phillies games over socializing with friends. Although I was on the baseball team through high school, I never really felt like a part of it. I would stick my head in every now and then with a joke, but I was never totally connected to the team. I was even called "freak show" once by a teammate, although I never really thought I was weird, just quiet. I only had a couple friends during high school, and by senior year I was definitely depressed, although I never really considered making more of an effort to go out. My parents would ask me why I wouldn't go out, and I told them it was because most people were drinking and doing drugs, and I didn't want to do that. This was partially true, but mostly I would rather just watch the Phillies.

When college came around, I was determined to be more social. I was not going to let the Phillies get in the way of a new opportunity. I ended up joining a fraternity my Freshman year. That same year, the Phillies finally made the playoffs (I cried in joy like I never have before), I experimented with marijuana and shrooms (once), and began drinking. Although I wasn't the best socially, I threw myself in there and just gave it a shot. Unfortunately, I was termed "tall and awkward" for a while, as people would rag on others for just about anything. My best friend in the fraternity was an EXTREMELY outgoing and sociable kid, who unfortunately is very self-centered. Although he has a good heart, he really only cares about himself, and I finally caught onto this about a year after meeting him. Still, hanging around him allowed me to socialize a lot more. I went to parties, bars, concerts, etc. During this time, I was basically the fraternity goofball. I would act out just for laughs, with the aid of alcohol many times. I had to give up smoking weed by my junior year because I became extremely paranoid when I smoked.

By senior year, I was done being the goofball, and I tried to tone it down a little. Unfortunately, everyone else was used to me acting goofy, so I would get weird reactions from people. This led me to analyze every social action I made. The social rehearsal/recap became obsessive, and it led to a pretty deep depression. I became paranoid that my frat brothers were talking about me, and I didn't leave my room for full days at a time. After I graduated, the depression subsided a bit, but the social anxiety symptoms are still very prominent. Oftentimes, I think in terms of "If this person walks into the room, what am I going to say to him or her." This is subconscious, and it's hard for me to stop, once I start. Other times, I will rehearse social situations from years in the past.

Finally, I am obsessed with the fact that something is wrong with me. I have thought I was gay, schizophrenic, and now I have come to the conclusion that have Aspergers. I recently found out that people with Aspergers may actually have a lot of empathy, which sounds a lot like me. I am constantly overly concerned about how others feel or may feel in certain situations. Although I would not say that I am obsessed with the Phillies anymore, I am still a huge fan. I go on the blog site a few times a day, and watch most games. I no longer freak out if they lose, however. In social situations, I would say that I am pretty good at picking up on verbal and nonverbal cues if I put myself in the conversation. I have a very creative sense of humor, and when I am comfortable in the situation, I can be very funny. The four years of college has allowed me to be a relatively comfortable social being. Still, I can't help but feel different. I see a psychologist, who has diagnosed me with social anxiety. I am overwhelmed in big crowds, and sometimes it's a chore to socialize. I have taken Aspergers quizzes, and I come out as Neurotypical each time, although I am sure that if I took the quizzes in high school, it would have been a different story. Based on the information I have provided, do you think I have Aspergers?

Eh, sounds like it...but you might just shy and bullied? I can't say for sure but if you want a proper diagnosis you should consult a shrink or something.
And btw I am going to be evaluated next week. Maybe it'll be easier for you if you get the Dx. Good luck.

As for quizzes I got 184 on aspie quiz and 45 or something on asq.

Welcome to WP!

From what you've described, it sounds like you might just be very sensitive to the social world in general... social anxiety might be the way that it manifests. Some people naturally have higher levels of anxiety and are more sensitive to criticism or being hyper-aware of others and what they think of them.

It's a little bit of the chicken and the egg scenario, though. "Did you have poor social skills and then became anxious due to constant rejection? Or did the anxiety cause you withdraw from social stuff (which then in turn caused poor social skills)?"

On a side note, have you looked into ADHD before? Sometimes it can cause similar symptoms... like obsessive focus on what interests you, trouble with social interactions due to missing cues, etc. A lot of ADHD'ers have social anxiety too. Keep in mind that Asperger's isn't the only way to end up with interpersonal difficulties. Other learning disabilities can also do that.

My advice would just be to read the diagnostic criteria again and make sure you fit all of the criteria. If you're serious, approach your psychologist about it.

http://www.aspergers.com/aspcrit.htm

Good luck

thanks, that's helpful.

The chicken or the egg thing is hard. I don't really know if I went in with poor social skills or was just very shy. May dad always told me that I come across well, but I just don't have confidence in myself. Others have told me this too, saying that I don't come across as awkward at all (even the very self centered kid said this). I am going to ask my psychologist on Thursday what he thinks.

It's tough to say. Obviously, if you are concerned about it, a professional diagnosis is the way to go.

Judging from what you said, though, it doesn't really sound like the autism spectrum to me. You said you didn't have much trouble socializing as a child. Does that mean you were basically normal socially, or that you were comfortable socializing but still were awkward to other people? To me, this is a key issue. Autism is not an adult-onset condition. It is something a person is born with, and it effects social communication/language, relationships, etc. If you were normal as a child, it is likely that autism is not your problem (again, a professional diagnosis will be more accurate than my observations from an anonymous post).

If you are taking tests and keep coming out neurotypical, that might mean that you are. It is possible that those results are wrong, but a lot of people here, many of whom are very mild, still score in the autistic range. A few do not as well, so I guess anything is possible. Like someone said though, there are other conditions that allow for some of the problems you seem to be experiencing. Someone suggested ADHD...have you tried an ADHD screening test online? A lot of people do not know this, but many people with ADHD also hyperfocus on things. It could also be a form of obsessive compulsive disorder which can account for endless collections and organizing/categorizing things as well for some people.

It could also be OCD coupled with anxiety as well. I might be wrong with this next comment, but from the way you worded your issues, it seems as though the anxiety came before the social difficulties or at least around the same time (ie. you did not have social difficulties during your youth) since you portrayed yourself as rather normal in elementary and junior high. Anxiety and OCD together COULD resemble Aspergers in some people even though they are not truly autistic.

It seems odd that before you thought you had Aspergers, you thought you were gay instead. I think that is strange because being autistic and being gay are two entirely different things that have nothing to do with one another. I suppose it happens, but I cannot understand how someone could mistake being autistic for being gay or vice versa. The schizophrenic thing is not quite as surprising though. Schizophrenia is also on a spectrum, and that CAN and usually does develop later in life (ie. it is not always present or at least active from birth as autism is). You mentioned strong paranoia plus the awkward social situations which could be a sign of schizotypal or something (there are online screening tests for that as well if you want to look into them).

Personally, I think your psychologist is right about the social anxiety, but there might be more to it too. You can check into ADHD, OCD, schizotypal and similar disorders. I guess because your social issues really only encompassed a period of a few years and was directly related to what I see as the OCD and anxiety issues you appeared to have had, I personally do not think it sounds much like autism. Also the fact that you seem to understanding nonverbal communication is also key. Some autistic people are better than others at that, but there are very few of us, if any, that that comes naturally to.

My problem seems to be that I can't stop thinking about the fact that I may have a disorder. As per your suggestion, I took some personality assessments. I came back with moderate schizotypal features and high avoidant features (basically social anxiety). On the individial schizotypal test I scored 17.5 out of 75, which seems pretty low. I also scored low on the ADHD test, meaning that I may have low grade ADHD. This is really frustrating because it ihas become an OCD-like thing for me. I constantly am checking criteria to see if I have the disorder (Aspergers, Schizotypal, Social Anxiety, etc.). When I am productive during the day, I need to keep reassuring myself that I am a self-sufficient person. This has become exhausting...

Funny when you think more about something you actually become more like it.Take a vacation, a few days off, and wrap your head around something else. Then if you have too much time, acquire a few hobbies( to see if they become obsessions? Kidding.)

So, it's been a couple days and I simply cannot shake this. I have talked to my mom who keeps trying to convince me that I don't have Aspergers. She told me that although I loved the Phillies for so long growing up, I was always able to figure out the social cues of when people weren't interested in hearing about it anymore. She also says that I have always been good with people. Even though I never had too many good friends growing up, my mom still is trying to convince me that this is all ludicrous. I suspect that she may have a touch of Aspergers as well though...plus she is a very protective mother.

I also brought this up to my psychologist yesterday, and he brought out the DSM to see if I fit. He said that it did not seem like I did, especially with respect to eye gaze. He said he thinks its much more along the lines of social phobia/social anxiety disorder. I made him gave me a definitive answer, and he said "no you don't have aspergers." Still, I cannot shake the fact that I share so many of the same symptoms as people on here. I keep researching a symptom I have, and it always comes up. This could just be because many aspies have social anxiety too, but I don't know. This is driving me crazy...taking over my thoughts...becoming on obsession (which is AS-esque).

Just fyi...I scored NT in all the Aspergers quizzes....there is just something constantly drawing me back here....

After reading your posts, my entirely non-medical, somewhat-educated opinion is that if you qualify for any diagnosis, it is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

OCD manifests itself in diverse ways, but I know a lot of people collect things obsessively (called 'hoarding' once it is pathological). You seem to collect relatively "normal" things, and it doesn't sound like it got out of hand, but it could indicate some OCD tendencies.

More about hoarding: http://www.brainphysics.com/hoarding.php

Also, your preoccupation with AS could be a symptom of OCD known as "intrusive thoughts": http://www.upmc.com/healthAtoZ/Pages/He ... kiid=14194

If you are obsessing about something that gives you anxiety and it interferes with daily life, that could be "intrusive thoughts" described by people with OCD. It sounds like you not only have intrusive thoughts about social situations, but have a history of obsessing about the possibility that something is "wrong" with you, ranging from schizophrenia to autism (and schizophrenia is often thought to be at the far opposite end of the spectrum from autistic disorders, so its weird that you would consider both as possible diagnoses for yourself).

Here is a link with some general information about symptoms and treatment: http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guid ... e-disorder

I'm curious to know if reading those links brings to mind any other OCD "symptoms" for you. Sorry for giving you one more disorder to worry about.

From what you've said so far, maybe you have OCD tendencies, but it doesn't sound too serious.

Koko, thank you...I have definitely considered OCD, especially with respect to what I'm doing now. Although I have briefly considered shizophrenia and schizotypal PD, the majority of my worries have focused on AS. I have looked at other people who have this mental illness form of hypochondriasis, and the majority of the people I found are most concerned that they have AS.

Also, the problems that I have had over the last four years (college) have all been extreme symptoms of social phobia. Before I joined a fraternity in college, I never had these symptoms. This was mostly due to a lack of social interaction.

In addition, I never had any major life experiences that would ever have led me to having a great fear of being rejected (something at the heart of social anxiety). Still, the SA symptoms I faced in college (and still face) have been overwhelming at times. For this reason, I think AS is a possibility, although it doesn't come across to most people in social situations due to the fact that I had 4 years of "social training" in my fraternity.

Still can't stop obsessing...

No it doesn't really sound like you have it. There are also other things like inflexibility to change, stimming, not being able to read people or pick up on cues. Though you can have obsessions without AS or depression without it or anxiety without it.

Would going to get yourself tested to have it ruled out make you feel better and get rid of your worries?

Maybe I do have it...maybe I don't. All I know is that I'm in a bad place right now. Does anyone know of any AS specialists in the Rochester NY area? This may be the only way to calm me down.

Yeah it does! I scored 38 or something like that, and I am definitely not schizotypal (have been tested for it before I knew about the autism). I scored moderately on that, I would say because all of the symptoms that are similar to Aspergers--and there are quite a few--I scored high on. I scored low on the symptoms that were unrelated to anything Aspergers-like, putting me somewhere in the middle.



Yes, and the more you write, the more it really does seem like it IS an OCD thing. Personally, from the descriptions you have provided over the various posts you made, it all points to an OCD like condition rather than autism. Have you tried taking an obsessive compulsive screening? If you type that into google, one will pop up



But you yourself also said this. You said you had a normal childhood pre-Phillies. You also said that you do not have trouble understanding social cues and nonverbal language. This is another thing that is inconsistent with autism. While SOME people with autism can train themselves to know that ______ USUALLY means _________, it is not a NATURAL thing for autistic people. It sounds like this was something you were always able to do. Then your obsession led to a social phobia/isolation. Also, there is no diagnostic criteria that says people with Aspergers do not have friends. Aspergers is not about the amount of friends you have, it is about your ability to socially communicate with other people (among other things), something you said you did not have an issue with. While many people with Aspergers have few friends or even no friends, there are also many with Aspergers who have a lot of friends. Likewise, there are some people who are not on the spectrum at all who have difficulty making friends too.



I personally know of people with severe social anxiety who never had any of these major life experiences that led to it. They still clearly have it though.



Yes, but you also said you were a normal kid, and that cannot be ignored. People with autism spectrum disorders have issues from the time they are born. You had a basically normal childhood and only began to become socially isolated with the onset of your Phillies obsession in adolescence. This is not really consistent with autism.



I am not in the States, but just wanted to say that I don't think you should limit yourself to an AS specialist, but rather see someone who is very familiar with a variety of disorders (including ASD). This way THEY won't be focused on ASD, and will be able to identify that if it is there or something else that could be there instead. I think you need to be open to hearing the possibility that you may not have an ASD because what you have explained is not really consistent with it. I really don't know with you, but some people become so focused on the Aspergers label that they cannot accept another one. So far on here you have explained quite a severe case of OCD and a social phobia. Social phobia does not automatically equal Aspergers. While it is true that many with Aspergers in particular do suffer from some form of social anxiety, it is also true that many do not.

thanks for your help. Although I have not had too much OCD stuff in the past, this has clearly turned into something very much OCD-like for me. I think MANY people in here fall into that trap, and self-diagnose when they really don't have to. People then become obsessed with this label, which is not healthy.

I understand that there is a genetic component to being on the autism spectrum, but it seems as though many people who have social phobia and obsessions/OCD could easily be diagnosed as having at least mild Aspergers. In addition, I feel that those people who have not developed a set identity in adolescence may also eventually feel that they are on the spectrum (due to not fitting in).

The human condition is an interesting thing, and sometimes the unknown is exciting. People like us (whether we are on the spectrum or not) live a life full of examination, which can potentially yield great rewards if we stay within ourselves. It is when we get too caught up in the meaningless details that we may lose our way.