Feel like a puppeteer or an animator with my own body

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I naturally show very little expression in my face or in my body language but I know must people expect to see these things. So I try to fake it.

I consciously decide what expression to adopt and how to position my body. It's absolutely not natural. I imagine that this is how a puppeteer must feel. Think of one of those guys working on The Muppet Show. If his character has to show "happy" or "surprised" or "angry", he must think "I'll put his arms like this and the eyes will go up and his mouth will do this expression.

That's how I feel all the time. I've got better at it but I know it doesn't work all the time. If I have to do it for a long period of time it's exhausting.

I find it very difficult to "think on my feet" and do this puppeteering with no time to prepare myself. I dread events like being given a present because I know I have to put on a "show" and I fear that my performance won't be convincing to normal people.

Does this strike a chord with anyone?

Yes, very much so. I struggle to do appropriate things with my body in order to convey emotion. I studied acting in college for a little while, but I had a lot of trouble with embodying characters - I know that I lack the instincts to know what an emotion is supposed to look like. I could study what people look like when they are expressing emotion, but I still can't make it feel natural. And even as an actor, I felt so uncomfortable in my body and so lost when it came to emotion that I would panic. So I just avoid it as much as I can. It got a "flat affect" note on my diagnostic chart, and people constantly tell me I look sad or that I have no expression.

Falloy, I think you described this very well. A puppeteer operating their own body...captures the thought process involved in movement and expression.

Yeah! I don't think of it as puppeteering, though, I think of it as "driving my mech".

Yes, I always have to perform for people and I know the feeling when you unwrap a gift. It's hard because you have to try and act out the usual norm that people show when they receive something. Sometimes I worry that I'm acting too much and sometimes I worry that I'm not acting enough.

I know exactly what you mean. And sometimes it feels kind of like an out of body experience except you are still looking through your eyes.