BLAME!

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I have one of those weeks which no one needs! Today I went to the local services to review my son's medication. The psychiatrist who is only temporary and is leaving this week proceeded to tell me that I don't help my son's anxieties because I over react and this has been happening for years. This is so untrue, I can say that when he was first dx that I did panic as I had no understanding of AS. I research AS, joined this forum, read books and tried to understand how I can help my son. At times my posts can seem I am stressed and probably are but it not directed at my son's difficulties, and I am able to get it of my chest by posting it here which helps me. What causes me the most stress Is the battle with the local services and school to get the support for my son. I am still having issues with the school in relation to supporting my son's need.

This is the same service that discharged my son 5 years ago stated that he had no issues. They didn't listen then and there are still not hearing me today.

My son's anxieties issues are mostly heighten when he is at school, summer holidays there was no issues that need any help from the services. Back to school and all last years difficulties are starting up again.

You look for support, you are told you are over reacting! you don't look for support you are told there is no excuse as there is plenty of support.

You fight hard you are accused of being the problem! The psychiatrist seem's to think I am making a big deal about the difficulties at school and this is adding or feeding my son's behavioural problems. And that when he is getting my attention about these issues this is not helpful. My son only has behavioural/anxieties problems when he is attending school this has been a problem since the beginning of him starting school.

My son has been dx with AS, ADHD, OCD shall I just ignore this and stop reacting.
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Mother of 1 son dx AS, ADHD, OCD, 1 daughter dx, ADD,GAD
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Sorry to hear you are frustrated with services & your son's school. Is there anyway to document (for your son) some of the stuff he's going through during the school year? Something like on such & such day, (son's name) experienced X & Y which caused him to exhibit N behavior(s) &/or feeling(s). If you write it out, maybe it'll be easier for you to get the point across to the psychiatrist. Worth a shot anyway!

Just sit down with your son & ask him what goes on during the day, & write or type it all out for him. Then you have his experiences in his own words.

No do not ignore this.

How old is your son?

I recently had to educate all the ASD specialists in my area RE my Little (I am a big sister to a 13-year old AS. etc kid). My kiddo cannot handle a full day of school and I have advocated for him for a partial day in classroom and some online classes. I also made sure that he was removed from any of the social events such as assemblies, homeroom and any other classes whose primary function is social.

This was a kid who everyone thought could just handle it and was pushed into more and more restrictive IEPs until he had an aide by his side all day long. Then they were all surprised when he started to hit people.

Do not ignore it. Go with your gut. If your kid is okay in the summer and freaked out in school, then give him a different environment at school. Either by switching to a more Autistic friendly school or by reducing the total time he spends in actual class.

Also make sure he has hearing and eye protection and all that other stuff...

This is one of many mind games schools and services will play with you to discourage you from advocating for services that may cost them money or be inconvenient. Don't let them do that to you or your son. After 12 years of advocating for my daughter (she is an adult now), I look back on some of the methods they used on me and regret not taking a strong stance sooner. Be firm, be calm, advocate, and don't give up. There is a good info on how to advocate for effective IEP's on a site called wrightslaw . Many of the legal details only apply to the US and I see you are in Ireland, but there is also some really good advice on how to structure the correspondence and meetings with the schools so that you are able to get action and not a bunch of delaying tactics.

This page explains The Blame Game that you are going thru now http://www.wrightslaw.com/advoc/articles/ALESSI1.html

Hi kfisherx, my son is 13 years old 2nd year in post primary. He is HFA and where I live is very limited in the schools available. There is a school that has a class for children with ASD, the problem is that my son can be very intolerant about others difficulties especially if it is evident. Whilst he wouldn't be a bully or unkind to them personally, he will point out there difficulties very bluntly. I am not sure if he would accept this. But its in my mind and maybe I will take a look at the school before dismissing it.

See... 13 years old is where the s**t gets real with respect to Autism... The hormones kick in and the social games get horrible. Your son is acting out for legit reasons. Back off the expectations. Take him down to only the classes that he likes or a combination of classes in the classroom and online. Your boy is reacting very much inline for a kid with ASD.