Becoming an agoraphobe apparently.

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Can't go into restaurants with family anymore without having to go and sit out in the car halfway through the meal.

Don't want to go anywhere unless someone's coming with me.

Cars compound the problem. I have never lost sight of the fact that I'm risking my life every time I get in a car. I wish I lived in a walkable place.

I guess the idea that there is no unconditional love. Or even love that can be earned. The world just seems very menacing now and other people don't seem so benign and neither does the world at large - objects and events.

hi, i totally understand this and experience something very much like what you describe. There is love around, though. In fact I try to imagine a wall of love that protects me when I have to go out.
Cars are a necessary evil - if I could get rid of them all I would.
I know that somehow I have to do it - go shopping for food - but feels like a nightmare; my nerves are so oversensitive it's very hard to concentrate on what I need to do. I have to bring a list. It's a little better with someone with me. I'm thinking of wearing ear plugs to block out the stupid music and announcements.
- good luck with your situation and I hope mine improves too.

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I don't know what to tell you, but I can definitely relate. It seems like it's gotten harder to be out and about as I've gotten older. Nowadays I'd be content to staying home most of the time. I think part of it has to do with energy levels... going out is stressful and very tiring. So I'd rather be where it's safe and controlled. But never going out at all can be a problem.

I'd recommend trying to do something small every day, though. Once you give in to the fear, it only gets worse.

One thing that has helped me was to "reframe" something in my mind. For example, I was dreading going out to deliver a letter. But I told myself that I could turn back and go home anytime after I got past a certain point. Well, by the time I was out and about, I felt better, so I kept going and eventually delivered the letter.

(I raced back home after that, but I did what I set out to do... and felt very happy and relieved afterwards. )

Walking can be more dangerous than riding in a car. Unless I know I am someplace completely safe, if given the choice, I wouuld rather ride in a car than on a bike or walk.

There are a lot of threads that get started about agoraphobia, but they don't seem to stick around for long.
But I can relate to others who worry about agoraphobia, because this is my top anxiety at the moment. I do suffer with an anxiety disorder (could be co-morbid to my AS), and I also seem very social phobic lately. I worry too much of what others think of me, which in a way is a good thing, because it improves self-awareness and it has actually made me more able to make friends, since I pick up cues from other people. But the bad part is, I've become too paranoied of what others think of me, not so much people I work with, but more so strangers in the street. I feel that everybody is watching me and looking at me, and taking in everything I do. Like say if I tripped up a kerb, but not actually fell over or anything, I always think that everybody saw it and are all commenting to eachother, ''oh, did you see that girl over there - she tripped up on the edge of the kerb! Oh my god, did you see that? She's really weird because she tripped up!''....and so on. Even though probably nobody even saw, and those who did probably didn't think anything, but I just cannot get my mind to stop teasing me. When I go out in the street, I don't like any unwanted attention drawn to me. And I've explained on WP about 300 times about how I go out looking and acting normal and wearing clothes that blend in, so I'm not going to keep repeating myself again just to get through to some people here who seem to always have an answer to everything that what an NT might be thinking of me. To shorten it, all I say is I go out looking presentable, not too snobby and not too weird. Just ordinary, and I wash regularly too. Anyway, where I come from, you get all sorts of different people, some weird, some snobby, most just ordinary, and I believe I am one of the ordinary ones, so I didn't think I would be able to stand out if I tried.

It's just that learning on WP that NTs are so quick on the mark, and how they notice what sort of a person you are just by vibes that you give out, and so on, all this has made me feel even more paranoied and also a bit embarrassed of going out, and makes me feel worthless and ugly, and pushes my self-esteem right down, which doesn't do my ego any good. But then I think again. Surely I can't look that weird, because I often get strangers starting up a little friendly conversation with me when I'm waiting in the bus stop. If I was looking geeky or stupid or weird, I wouldn't have thought that people would want to bother saying anything, (because I wouldn't want to start talking to someone who looks a bit weird or some sort of other anti-social vibe). So that makes me feel a little better about myself. Also, when I'm walking along, often I am stopped by a car-driver or a van-driver and got asked for directions to somewhere. If I was walking really funny or looking really weird, I wouldn't think people would want to rely on my answer. Once I was in a car with my dad, and we were lost, and I saw a young man walking along, walking in a very strange way, and had his tongue out, and he looked a bit freakish. I said to my dad, ''ask him for directions'', and my dad said, ''no, I'm not asking him!'' And I said, ''he might be all right. It's not like he's going to bite!'' But my dad was stubborn, and he drove upto someone else to ask for directions.

Yeah, it can be really easy to just stay in your own place or your own room and not come out. It's predictable, it's comforting, and as an autistic person you almost certainly need it to unwind and relax. Finding a balance between going out too much and burning out, and staying in too much and becoming afraid of or reluctant to go out, can be difficult.

Make sure you do go out. Find times when you are relatively relaxed and go places you generally tend to like or can handle pretty well. Your aim is to "teach" yourself that going out is not bad or too overwhelming, and that when you do get overloaded or anxious outside, you can still handle the situation. Actually, planning for anxiety attacks/overload/meltdown/shutdown in public is a good thing, so that you don't have to think of a solution while your brain is trying to freeze up on you.

i don't really have any advice, and i agree the world can be quite menacing. but i thought i'd send some hugs your way anyways.


(((hugs)))

I know exactly how you feel

I have a mental toughness now, I think I grew out of it or it was just a phase I needed to go through

The understanding of conditional love, and Freud is a bit of a mind blast it tends to blow you out of the water for awhile

I think it was at this time, that I found ponds or lakes in cities, or trips to the beach became locations I enjoyed. Watching sparrows fight, seemed to offset my dissatisfaction....

After a few years of a callous, dried up, cynical view of humanity, I chose
'they cant help who they are', as much as
'we cant help who we are'

One day you may go to likeable places, wear sunglasses and keep your head high with a smile. I avoid the places you probably avoid, but have found cool spots and if lucky some cool people.

Sounds like you dont have any choice and have to go with your parents to suck ass activities?

The mall can be a breeding ground for instinctual displays of defending and territory, and this in itself if focused on for too long, can be a very dark hole full of beasties

Thank you Ana, Joe, Callista, hyperlexian, and Surfman for all your support and suggestions and empathy, Itmeans a lot.

Joe yeah I'm sure we're just oversenitive to others' reactions. I readan article saying autism may be having TOO MUCH empathy and gettingtoo affected by people's presences/auras/feelings/behaviors.

Surfman I do have a choice. In fact if it weren't for my family I wouldn't be getting out at all and I panic even more then so I guess I need it.

Callista planning is an excellent idea. Will do. I'm kind of very spontaneous/variable in mood a lot of the time and don't tend to plan ahead but by God that's exactly what I need to do.

Hyperlexian thank you as always for understanding and being there. It means more than I can say.

Ana yes I don't like to be anywhere near traffic, especially not walking. I only like walking in safe car-free areas which are few and far between!

Yeah, I started getting agoraphobic tendencies about 2 years ago, triggered definately by taking citalopram as It made me sweat uncontrollably when I was out walking anywhere. Then the sweating became a subconscious thing with me worrying about it so much, even after I switched meds, as people tend to stare at you when you have sweat pouring down your face while walking around the supermarket getting groceries or standing in line. Its definately more of an anxiety thing now and I very rarely leave the house, Id say in this whole year Ive only been out 50 or so times. Its a miserable existence but i just cant handle the looks I get anymore.

Ive looked everywhere for solutions but none seem to come about, I dont work anymore which probably doesnt help, its caused my ex girlfriend to leave me and she was the only real friend I had left so Im pretty much alone everyday now. I should really go see a shrink, but Ive been to therapists before (for OCD which I was diagnosed with before aspergers) and it didnt really do anything. I got over the worst of my OCD by myself in the end only for that near crippling disorder to be replaced with this new one.