Living a happy well adjusted life without meds possible?

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See I had another heated discussion with my mom about my life situation. It was like usual exhausting and frustrating. See Im not one of those aspies who sit around at home all the time immersed in our special interests all the time. I went away to college(Im back now), I have friends and Im looking to start a job and Im concerned about it. Like every other aspie, Ive encountered numerous social problems. One being that I tend to not stay very long in activities because of the social component, I struggle to fit in everywhere I go. Despite this, I still find people I clique with here and there, so my friends tend to be sporadic and not connected into a group. Often these activities, its not that I dont like the activity, I do, the social anxiety/aspergers kills it for me almost every time.

So my mom wants me to have a well adjusted happy life not on meds. I told her, this was near impossible. Im sure there are aspies out their that do, but its very seldom. And its something that would take a very long time to work up to. Id guess most well adjusted aspies probably found a med that works very well for them. So my moms wishes to me seem unrealistic. What I think is realistic is to achieve

1) Better coping methods
2) To accept that most people arent gonna like me, but not to get tripped up over that.
3) To create an optimistic, positive attitude. Even if I dont fit in, I try my best to use what I got and not get down about not fitting in.
4) To find a solution to these constant arguments/heated debates with my mom and get my family to understand me. If I cant, keep quiet about my issues and not get tripped up over them not understanding me.
5) Develop a couple close friendships of people who do get it. I was approaching that at the end of college, I found a couple of friends with potential but they're far away now

This all seems to involve at least a short term use of meds. Is it realistic to reach these goals without meds? Are their aspies out their who are happy with their lives, have some social life, decent job, and arent on meds?

There aren't any meds for Asperger's. So, yes, that's realistic--if you have only Asperger's. Medicating AS is kind of silly, because that's like medicating someone because they have dyslexia... that is, your brain's built differently, so that you think and learn differently, and medication really doesn't change that.

So why are so many Aspies on meds? Well, it's extremely common to have not just Asperger's. My own diagnosis is Autism Spectrum/ADHD/Recurrent Depression, and while I don't need and don't take medication for autism, I do take Concerta for the ADHD and Prozac for the depression. Both of these substances are moderately helpful, though as you probably already know, medication can only help you use what you've learned--it can't magically change what you know.

You say you have social anxiety disorder. If you're being medicated, chances are it's for that. Anxiety disorders are no fun and can really interfere with your life (I should know; my depression comes with a heavy anxiety component). In fact, I think your major problem likely is the social anxiety disorder, not the Asperger's; luckily for you, social anxiety disorder is not something that is wired in like Asperger's is, and it's quite possible for you to re-learn and change your reaction to social situations.

Medication can be useful, so don't discount it automatically; but it is not the whole of treatment.

Regarding socializing--I know it's rough, but you're basically going to have to get used to being embarrassed. Embarrassment is only an emotion, and can be worked through like any other. Chances are that your fear of humiliation is holding you back far more than actually making social missteps would. In order to learn anything, you can't be too afraid of making mistakes, otherwise you won't be able to experiment properly.

You may be surprised how much people will learn to predict your eccentricity once you have learned to communicate a little better. I find that it is better to be obviously odd, to abandon all attempts at copying NT behavior, and to focus on whatever works to communicate with NTs. If you can become known as that eccentric-but-okay guy, then you'll be fine.

BTW: You and your mom probably need some space. You're an adult and so is she; but she's your mom. When a disabled adult child lives with a parent, it can be difficult for the child to assert their own adulthood and their own independence--you're not a child anymore, but your mom will take a while to realize that your life is now disconnected from hers. Leaving the "nest" is quite complicated when you still need to live at home... the goal is to eventually see each other as equals and respect each other as fellow adults. Of course she will always have more experience than you, but now that you're grown, you're on your own even if you still live at home.

I have tried various medications for anxiety and OCD at different times in my life. I am more happy and productive when I am not on them. When I am on them, my anxiety obviously goes down. But the problem is that I do not know how to function in life without a high level of anxiety. Anxierty is all I have ever known and it is what I based my coping mechanisms off of.

So when I lose my anxiety, I lose my coping and then I get depressed. Then I want to sleep all day and never leave the house. (Yes anti-depressants actually make me depressed.)
My whole productivity and functioning is based on anxiety. If I lose it, I don't function very well.

I'm seriously considering ADD meds these days now that I've done a lot more research on them. From what I've learned most with ADD tend to not have to take the meds on a life-long basis. They (the patients) say the meds helped them become better able to develop coping skills, and after a few years, they could cope without them.

Callista is right. Most of the time, meds aren't for AS, but are for some co-morbid conditions. ADD can be, and often is, one of them.

As for my Aspie traits, I've never been on meds for them, and have learned to cope and change behaviors without them. So much so I'm now diagnosed with PDD-NOS.

So to answer your question directly:

Yes. But depending on what else you may have, you might need some meds for a while, or you could need them for life. It depends on what else is going on.

I'm assuming you mean meds associated with ADHD and/or depression. That's understandable. I've never been on any medication for that, and I don't see a reason to.

I disagree with that, Ilka. The idea that "if you are on meds, that means you aren't using anything else to handle your issues," is not true--or, in any case, doesn't have to be true. A better statement would be, "If you are on meds and aren't using anything else to handle your issues, then you're not taking full advantage of the meds." Because medication is not a substitute for therapy, treatment, education, and generally adjusting to a world where most people are not autistic. I know that some doctors will just give you medication and not give you any other help, but that's a failing of the doctor, not the pills. Ideally, you will use medication as an aid to help you learn and use other skills more effectively. In some cases, it's much harder to learn those skills without the meds; in other cases, it's impossible to learn them unmedicated.

This is especially true of ADHD: Someone with ADHD needs to learn how to organize themselves, inhibit impulses, direct attention, etc. Some people with ADHD cannot learn those things unless they are on meds, and cannot implement them unless they are on meds. Others find it much harder to learn without meds and much harder to use them. Some can use the meds to help them learn, then phase them out afterward. Some do not respond to meds at all and have to learn the hard way or not at all. And the mildest cases, where learning is not severely affected and organization strategies are particularly effective, can be treated without medication.

It's undeniable that some doctors will just throw pills at you and not refer to therapists/counselors/education, as they ought to. But that doesn't mean that education and medication are mutually exclusive. In most cases, they should be used together. The cases that respond best to meds-only or education-only are probably in the minority.

I think we are not meant to fit in. In order to fit in, we have to play-act as something we are not, radically different from ourselves, and that isn't a psychologically healthy way to live for either an NT or an autistic.

But that doesn't mean that we can't learn to communicate with others, to socialize, to have understandings. We're always going to be different; we'll never fit in. But that doesn't mean we can't be accepted. People can accept those who are different. We do it all the time when we interact with and accept NTs for who they are. That can go both ways. Your goal should be learning how to get along in society--communicate rather than play-acting, treating people with respect and confidence rather than being constantly afraid of rejection, understand and value the differences rather than trying to sweep them under the rug.

money and resources can help. for example, if you need a quiet place to live and study, if you have money, you can buy such a place. dope is never needed.