Custody and the parent who is a dx Aspie

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I am not sure if this is where it belongs, so feel free to move it if I have misplaced this.

This might be long (it feels like one of those posts)...

I have been in and out of court since June of 2005 when I filed for divorce.

Now, I have reopened the case (twice) since a year ago May, and I have been fighting like mad ever since. I should give you a little background that is relevant:

The original case opened with me filing for a restraining order against my ex. It was denied because the judge said that I really just wanted the house, so he told me ex to leave the house and gave me temp custody of the kids until the divorce was finalized (I did not want the house. I wanted him to stay away from me). Neither of us contested the divorce, but I made a horrible decision because I did not realize exactly what I was doing.

When divorcing him, I was a stay at home mom with no college degree (I had under 80 hours of credits, I believe). The only skills I had were working at fast food and working in retail (I did have some experience as a radio station tech, but couldn't find anything in that field). Even with child support, I would not have been able to give them the life that they deserved that he could give. I grew up in poverty, and wanted them to have what I did not. My atty did tell me that giving up shared custody would entail certain restrictions, and at the time I thought I understood them. I did not. I thought I would still be as much a part of their lives as I had been, only they would be living with him, and not me. I will add that when they lived with me when I had temp custody of them, he refused to pay his part of the support until it came directly out of his paycheck. Took 5 weeks. During that time, the house fell behind on the payments, the van went delinquent, and I could not work out a payment arrangement with either place because my name was not on the notes. The van was repoed, and the house went into foreclosure. I no longer had a vehicle, and it was only a couple weeks before I moved.

Now carless, I ended up moving about 50 minutes away so that I could be close enough to my kids, but far enough from him. He told the courts I had moved out there to be with my boyfriend. That is not true. He lived about 15ish minutes from my apartment, but I chose that area specifically because the job market was better than my home town. I couldn't even get a job at McDonalds because all the college students took the min wadge jobs I qualified for. I was ordered to pay over $700 in child support, while he paid some amount (I don't remember what) in alimony. I was able to find a job working at a pizza place. I barely made enough to make ends meet. I couldn't afford to pay all my child support, and when my hours at work were cut, I could not pay anything. I got another job that paid more, but was fired not even two months later for not being able to get along with my co-workers. Immediately after that, something tragic happened that I won't get into. Coupled wit the fact that I no longer had insurance and wasn't on any depression meds any more, this event started me spiraling downwards so far, I almost did not come out of it.

Even thought I felt as if I had been shot down, I tried to come back up. I started back at school, and wanted to better myself. I still spent the time with my kids that the court document said I could. I finally got a job with the Department of Transportation in my state as an intern. I liked the job, but one person there did not like me. He always tried to get me in trouble, and I always tried to do what he said. One day, he tole me to change out the power supply of this one computer because it had caught fire. I did go and change it, but it had not caught fire. Obviously (to me) that meant that something else was wrong. I brought up the highest ranking person in the office under my boss, and he agreed with me. I was called into PRs office about an hour later and was fired for not doing my job. I told them that I always did my job, told them about the person that went with me agreed... and I DID what I was asked anyway. Then they said I had tried to get on sights that was not allowed while working. I told them that the sites that the firewall blocked me from were only sites I was trying to get to for school research (it was a mythology project, and some of the sites were labeled as inappropriate for some reason, but I would not have known that. I didn't reach the sites anyway, because the firewall blocked me. I was still fired. I lost it and that spiral I was going down totally dropped off.

During the time I had that job, I still could not pay as much support as I was supposed to pay, so my ex (who was making over $80k a year) sued me. I was found guilty of contempt of court for not paying the support, and was told I would not go to jail if I paid every dime every month. To get the back amount paid off, I had to give up my share of his pension, all spousal support he had been paying me. During this time, he stalked me, harassed me, and made my life a living hell. I eventually was able to get off from paying support because I was no longer able to work and had applied for SSI. At one point in time, he had bursed into the drs office where I had taken one of my daughters and demanded her to go with him because I did not have the rights to bring her in (it was an emergency, and the drs could not get in touch with him, so they called me).

I finally found a place to subscribe me some medications, and they also (after one session - about an hour long) diagnosed me not only with agoraphobia, but also OCD, Depression and Borderline Personality Disorder. I did not know how much stigma BPD carried. Eventually, I started cutting myself (not to kill, but to release tension and it made me feel better - momentarily). I wanted to stop, but couldn't. I withdrew from everyone, including my boyfriend. He ended up cheating on me and when I found out, I tried to take all my meds. Realizing that I Was stupid, I called 911, but that choice got me kicked out of the house, carless (again) and nowhere to live).

Up until that point in time, I had been seeing my kids at every point I could. But with no car, and where I finally ended up living, I could not see my kids for a little over a year. I talked with them every day on the phone, my brother helped me see them on holidays, and I tried to get to some of their concerts, but it was terrible not seeing them. I did find a job, but when it wasn't the holiday season, I got one day a week, if I was lucky. I was not able to pay my rent, and I was in danger there, but my landlord did not do anything about it (one of my 15 roommates tried to rape me). I did not think of calling the cops, because nothing happened except for the attempt, and my landlord kicked him out, so I had no clue where he was, and I didn't know his name (they were all Russian immigrants and could not speak English. I only knew maybe 3 of their names). Plus, I was very confused and couldn't put things in words.

I eventually moved back to my home town so I could see my kids. While I was gone, he had pretty much told everyone that I had abandoned the kids. He wouldn't let me talk to them, except for visitation and short phone calls, and if I was caught near them, he would accuse me of trying to have visitation with them when it wasn't my time. He called the police at one point in time. When I realized that he had been telling things about me to people (friends were turning their backs on me and I didn't know why - he even tried to get the pastor of my church to convince me to not go to the church during certain times, because it confused the kids), I hired an atty with the back money I received for winning SSI (it was over 10k) and tried to regain custody.

The past year and some months has been the most intense and expensive of my life. Right now, I owe over $10,000 to the courts and my atty, I have already paid my atty and the courts over $8000. And now, I am afraid he is going to take the kids out of state against the courts order. The reason the courts were afraid to give me custody now, is because of the psych eval that was done. I don't know exactly what was said. It was sealed, and only the courts and the GAL can look at it. All I know is that it was bad for me. The person doing the eval was prejudiced against me (which my atty said was obvious by how he worded things) and made it sound like I was a danger to the kids. The main thing he kept emphasizing is that I used to cut myself and that I could not handle having all three kids. The problem is that he only looked back at that really bad time in my life where I was diagnosed with Borderline. He did NOT look at my present and all the progress I have made and how I am NOT the same person I used to be. After the GAL interviewed my personal counselor, the courts decided that I would be allowed to have temp custody of my oldest daughter. Over the next 3 months, she grew, her self esteem improved, her grades improved, and all her teachers could not the change. The lies that had been told about me (they was frightened when I received custody) were erased and they loved me. I ended up receiving full and permanent custody of her. My atty said we would go after the other two later, but I should just spend time with my oldest getting her adjusted.

Well, the very next day, my ex accepted a job on the other side of the country (everyone knows he knew he was taking the job, but just didn't notify the court). He planned on moving all the kids (except my oldest) out there. I had to file an emergency motion to keep them in the state. That brings us to now. I am afraid he is going to leave the state anyway with the kids (well, he is not in the state, but his wife is, and my summer with my two younger kids is over - their dad has changed plans, and said some very disturbing things).

I am seriously thinking of having my atty bring up the Asperger's. I won't do it without her saying it is OK, but given what they think of me, with an expert witness (and a well respected one) and other positive information on it, it may help smooth over a lot of the past that the courts are still worried about. The GAL told me explicitly that he is concerned that I will go back to how I was three years ago. I cannot explain why I know that I will not, but I will not. It was everything that had led up to it, and the fact that I have Asperger's and wasn't dealing with things in an appropriate manner that it happened. Now that I know I have it, it gives reasons (not excuses) for almost every diagnosis that I have ever had. It takes something that looks like a mess and puts it into one little neat box. I realize that it can backfire on me, but I really believe that if it is presented correctly, I can make this a positive thing.

What I want to know is if anyone is a lawyer type (or legal assistant that knows of any cases that were successful in which the winning parent was an Aspie (or on the spectrum). I also want to know where i can find some case studies on parents with this dx. My atty would look, but one, she doesn't know much, and two, she has made it clear that if I want to save money, I can do it on my own. If I don't have enough or good information, then the courts will not know (unless I have to tell them, which is possible, so having the information would be good just in case that happens). I know I am a good parent. In fact, I don't know who would be a better parent for these kids. I know how they work. I know how to work with them and help them. All he does is yell and when either of them can't figure out how to handle things, they play head games.

Does anyone know where some good clinical/governmental/legal resources are?? The info I have needs to come from a reputable source, preferably from someone in the field.

What I have written is only a highlight of what happened, and I am sure I have made some of it confusing. If anyone has questions, please feel free to ask.

Well first of all, your ex sounds like a total douche bag with no respect for anyone just trying to live their life.

Second, you and your atty should research it together, so you're on the same page. I understand divorces because I had to testify in court against my dad (which he thoroughly deserved).

Explaining that Aspergers is a neurological difference would make the case a little more manageable, because I doubt that most people in that court room would understand what autism truely is.

For right now though, good luck.