Aggression in 3 year old could this be autism?

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My son is almost 3 years old, we have been having trouble with him since he turned 2, he will yell, scream, kick, hit, bite, throw things, and the big kicker is when he gets mad he will punch himself in the head. We have tried time outs, taking toys away, everything but smacking him and nothing works. He will not listen you can call for him 10 times and he ignores you, you can say the word NO and its like you never even say it. He will not talk to anyone he does not know, if we go to the DR for example he will hide and not talk at all and put his head down, but when they leave the room he will speak, he does not talk very well, we tried speech therapy but it didnt work because he would not speak infront of the Therapist. He will sit and play in his room by himself for hours with his cars but if you go in his room to play with him he will throw a car at you and tell you to get out and than try to slam the door on your hand. Last week he sprained my ankle by slamming the car door on my ankle. He beats on the Dog and you can try everything to get him to stop and he wont, we have to remove the dog and put her in her cage to get him to stop. 2 nights ago he was going to bed, and he turned his pillow about 10 times because he said the lines were not right, then he would not let me touch it and hit me when I did. He will not sit and eat, more than 2 bites at any meal. He is always on the go, and will not take a nap at all from the time he gets up at 8am until he goes to bed at 10pm he is up all day. He will not sit with me so I can read him a book he rather tear the pages out and then walk away. We will not watch Cartoons other than Mickey and its for 5-10 mins than he is done. Please Help.

This sounds a lot like autism. That's not to say that it definitely is, because we all know that some kids are just difficult, but it's worth getting your little one checked out. That way, if it turns out to be autism you can learn to deal with it and it will ease your worries.
(Sorry if this advice is useless, I have no children because I'm only 18 but I have Asperger's.)

It deftely does sound like autism.
Just whatever you do with you 3 year old, don't ignore him. Even if he pretends you don't exist.
Maybe get him looked at?

I don't have kids either because I'm only 15. But I do have Aspergers as well.

The poor frustration management skills, little tolerance, eating problems (does not want to sit quite to eat), not taking naps, not staying quite while reading to him, fixations, not talking to strangers, it is like you are discribing my 11 years Aspie at that same age. The only difference is my girl was never violent. I would recommend you to take him to an Autism center to get him tested. He needs treatment ASAP. I cannot help you on what to do because my daughter was diagnosed at 8 years old an most of those behaviors had change by then. And I always forced her. I did not know what was wrong by then and fid no know better. You need help, that's gor sure. He needs behavior modification therapy.

OK, so basically:

* he is aggressive and self-injurious when something upsets him
* he has speech delays
* he acts very shy with strangers and doesn't speak to them
* he doesn't listen when spoken to
* he's hyperactive and doesn't stick with an activity very long
* he's fussy about things like pillow placement
* he doesn't like to play with others, just alone

Does that pretty much sum things up?

Autism is a possibility, yes, but I'm not sure he has enough traits that sound specifically autistic. Does he flap his hands, rock or show other odd mannerisms? Does he freak out at changes in routine? Does he have odd facial expressions? Does he show similar trouble communicating through gestures as through speech - such as being late to learn to point? Does he avoid eye contact? Does he get very interested in a particular subject and do stuff related to that subject most of the day?

He probably meets criteria for ADHD, but that doesn't explain all his quirks. Selective mutism also sounds like a possible diagnosis given how he talks to you but not to strangers.

One thing that sounds quite likely is sensory processing problems. These are usually part of the package with autism, but can be seen by themselves as well. Basically, there are two kinds of sensory issues - modulation and discrimination problems.

Modulation issues are over or underreacting to a sense, like a kid covering his ears when a doorbell rings, or not realizing she has a broken arm. Each sense could be over or undersensitive separately, or vary between both extremes. Oh, and there's more than the usual five senses we hear about - there's also balance and proprioception (knowing what position your body is in).

Discrimination issues are making sense of what you've detected. Recognizing that it's a doorbell ringing and not the phone, or that you were touched on your wrist and not your elbow, or that the sore feeling in your stomach is hunger and not the flu, that sort of thing. For example, I heard of one boy with a very severe auditory discrimination problem who was nonverbal and acted deaf because although he could hear just fine, he couldn't process sounds basically at all. He knew he'd heard a sound, but had no idea what it was.

He doesnt Rock or anything, He will not make eye contact with people he doesnt know, and sometimes he will with his father and I but not all the time. He doesnt get mad if things get changed day to day. He points like a one year old does and will not speak sometimes. He will just point and make noises until you do something for him.
His Favorite thing is Cars, he knows cars very well for only being 3 years old. Thats all he likes to do all day is play cars, he has lots of other toys and books but he will only Play with his cars. We can be driving down the road and then hole time the only thing he talks about is cars Jeeps, School buses, Trucks, and he knows peoples cars. For Example his grandma has a Mazda 6 and every time he sees a Mazda 6 he yells Gma.

Interesting... I do think you should have him evaluated. If he is autistic, then I wouldn't actually call it "aggression" so much as a meltdown. The difference is that a meltdown is not meant to hurt others--even if it does. It's what happens when your brain overloads and blue-screens, and you feel absolutely desperate to stop whatever is making you feel so horribly out of control and frightened and angry. It feels like being thrown into the deep end of the swimming pool in the middle of winter, and being unable to swim; only mental rather than physical. So the "aggression" you are seeing, if he is autistic, would be more like an injured cat clawing at an attempted rescuer than a child trying to hurt or intimidate parents he was angry at. Most meltdowns do not involve outwardly-directed attacks; we are far more likely to either shut down and become unresponsive, start crying or screaming, attack inanimate objects and ourselves, or curl into a ball and be unable to walk or talk or respond to people. In the middle of a meltdown you can't really stop it; you just have to wait for it to be over and rest until you feel better. Preventing them, however, is possible and can be done at least some of the time. Other times you can predict them and go somewhere by yourself so you won't embarrass yourself. It's all about managing the overload.

Come to think of it, I dont know if this would be a weird face that he makes but to me he has just done it for the last year do I never really payed much attention to it, I just have always thought he was shy, but was reading articles on children be so shy they wont speak to others.
When we are at the store and someone walks up that our 3 year old doesnt know he will look at them with a gasze look like who are you and why are you talking to me, than puffs out his cheeks bends his head towards the floor and then looks at them with an evil look until we walk away from them, than hes fine again.

I do think your son sounds like he has high level classic autism, or low to medium level Asperger's, which is a variant of autism. I am an older Aspy myself, so some of his problems are very familiar. You should definitely get him checked out, but in the mean time there are several things you could, and SHOULD do.

1. Find a new home for the dog before he seriously hurts it, or the dog bites back.

2. Try to keep strong stimulations, like loud noises, to a minimum at home. Your son sounds like he is over stimulated, and not handling it well.

3. Reduce or eliminate processed sugar from his diet.

4. No caffeine for him at all -- that includes no chocolate.

5. Try to make bed and nap times as peaceful as possible, because he is definitely over tired, and this makes him behave worse.--Sugar and caffeine make kids more wired up, and interfere with sleep, so it contributes to their being over tired.

6. Do not use the common sugar substitutes, because most of them have harmful side effects, that the companies don't want the public to know about. If you must use sweeteners, use a little honey, or substitute fruit, or real fruit juice (with no added sugar).

Your son will behave worse for a week or two after you cut out the sugar and caffeine because of withdrawal.--Yes, removing them causes withdrawal symptoms. You must make it very clear to relatives, including (especially) his grand parents, that he is not to have things with caffeine and processed sugar in them. If they refuse to abide by this rule, then you should only let them see your son at your house, where you have control over what goes into him. If they bring these things to the house, make them leave the stuff in their car, or they can't come in.

7. Limit TV and computer use to the daytime hours. A 3 year old should not be up watching TV or playing on the computer at night.

8. Tell him that when he acts up you will deprive him of privileges, including TV, computer use, and any other fun things, and put him in his room to calm down. Then carry through on this when he does act up.

9. If your son refuses to do something that you have told him to do, then just pick him up and put him in his room. If he gets really bad, you should consider a light spanking immediately after he does something really bad, and then put him in his room. Although unpleasant, it does no real harm. It serves as emphasis to your orders. You should try taking away privileges first. The spankings should be held in reserve for really serious misbehaviors.

I hope these tips help. I went through a lot of melt downs far into my adult years. I am now in my 50s, and things are somewhat better, because I now live alone. When I lived with relatives we all drove each other crazy. Because I live alone now, I have more control over my home environment, which helps me cope better. I also get along better with my relatives now that I only have to have visits to or from them.

One good thing you have going for you is that your son does communicate some of the time. Many people on the Autism/Asperger spectrum have poor or no communication skills. Once you have a diagnosis of your son's condition, the doctors can give you some more help.--Good luck!! !