It's been over a year and. ...

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I still haven't felt much grief over my grandma dying. I just don't see what's sad about it. I mean, everyone's grandparents die, usually when they're pretty young or even before they're born ... what is so sad about a person finishing their life?

But I feel really bad about it. Even my dad, who is less emotional than I am, seemed to think it was weird I didn't cry. Am I like a sociopath as well as an aspie? Would I even cry or grieve if my mom died?

I just feel really 'dead' inside myself. Like I've had a lot of pain since my grandma died, but it's for myself, worrying that I never loved her, that I might have never loved anyone. Sure I'd love to see her again but I just don't feel the aching unbearable grief most people claim to feel upon losing their old relatives.

I do love my family very much but I feel like I cry more for the world and for other people's losses - maybe some people, like myself, are a gift to the world rather than to their own bloodlines? I know Einstein, a fellow Aspie, loved his family but in a sense felt distant to them.

That's how I feel, I love my family but I wouldn't say my love for them defines who I am as a human being. I have even higher, you might say spiritual, things that define me, though I'm not a Christian or religious really.

I didn't cry until about 18 months after my grandma died.
I think I felt that it wasn't real, given that I didn't see her that often. It wasn't until my sister started talking about her 18 months later that I started crying- I guess we just grieve in our own way, which is not necessarily the same as others.
Don't let other people think you are strange, or make you think you're strange, for not grieving like an NT.

When my Grandmother died, I cried hysterically at first, then I stayed up all night and watched videos. I cried when I thought about her but watched videos and listened to music to take my mind off the sadness. A few days later, my family had her funeral. By then I was completely cried out. I had cried so much the first day and night of her death, it was like my emotions were numbed.

I was also nervous about having to travel to my mother's hometown for the funeral and seeing family I barely saw the rest of the time.

I just could not cry at her funeral or while viewing the casket and my family resented it. Later, my mom got angry at me for crying when I couldn't go horseback riding but not at my Grandmother's funeral. Guess she forgot how much I cried when I first heard?

So, I know what you mean about emotional numbness and numbing. I've experienced it and it can lead to feelings of guilt for not expressing the appropriate emotion at the right time.

Two of my great-grandparents died very close to each other about 3 years ago, and I went to both of their funerals (the only two I've ever been to), and I did not cry for either. I think I was a bit sad for one of them, who I knew a bit better than the other and because she was kinda cool, but really I didn't know them well. I've never had anyone close to me die, so I don't know how I'd react to someone's death. I imagine I might be at least a bit sad, but I don't know if it would bother me or make me cry. I'd be sad if my dad died or my grandma died, but I think that's it.

I don't think I'm just grieving different though ... I don't think I've ever grieved at all. I don't see the point, she was really old, almost ninety, I loved her, she loved me, but everyone has to go. Okay putting it that way made me a tiny bit sad I admit, but I still don't feel like I've ever grieved.

i guess i have had a little bit of postponed grief, but it's nothing like the agony people claim when their grandparents die. i don't think i would feel that unless my wife died, or my best friend, or maybe if my mom died young. if my little siblings died too, i hope id feel agonized, but ive never really bonded fully with them, so perhaps id just feel deeply disturbed?

Yes, I went through the exact same thing with my grandad, whom I loved a lot, died... I went through more pain through guilt of feeling no grief than actual grief, because, well, I didn't grieve.
I just saw it as, well, people die and he was going to die anyway. I just didn't see why it was a sad event.

Please, don't beat yourself up about it. YOU know you loved her and that's all that matters, and besides, what's the use in making yourself sad if you're just not? You're not a sociopath, you're just viewing this slightly differently than most people would, and that's okay IMO.

Maybe we're the rational ones

At my grandfather's memorial service the general attitude was one of a feeling of rightful release... my grandfather had been incapacitated by illness and had given up on life and had openly said he was ready to die. The pastor even went on for way too long discussing in a macabre way how "Phil is now enjoying his whole new body with joints that work, a heart that beats perfectly, eyes that can see so he can do his woodworking that he so loved" and my whole family was laughing about it later we at once found it so absurd that the pastor had injected this Frankenstein vibe into a funeral service but also at the fact that what he said was true, my grandfather was drained, exhausted, done with living in a body that didn't work anymore and if one has any faith, which I and I'd venture to say most people do whether they define it that way or not, my grandfather is off in some other dimension now chopping wood and driving on the highway and going for walks with his old dogs Sugar and Spice like he used to.

So no I wasn't exactly sad when he died, startled maybe, in disbelief, but it feels like just yesterday (instead of two and a half years ago) that my grandmother drove us to the sub shop and my grandfather and me got out and picked up the salads they'd ordered there, then we went somewhere else where my grandmother had to go in and my grandfather was telling me about his time in the Navy again. I never actually believe that people are gone so I never really grieve.

When my grandmother died I was expecting it because she was ill. I know my mother was upset but I didn't feel very uspet. I behaved logically about it.

But then a few weeks later I got a cheque in the post, it was my part of her will. This upset me when i opened it, because I didn't see her when she was ill, and I remembered thinking that my grandmother has been turned into this cheque.

I haven't had too many recent experiences with death, but I tend to just view it as something that happens. It's upsetting for the people left behind, but I tend to take death much more logically than those around me. It's not to say that I don't grieve at all, but I handle it differently. And most of the time, the process is very delayed if it comes at all.

When my dog died, I didn't grieve for at least a year. Then I came home and couldn't look at her photo without crying. I wrote about it in an earlier thread, but the whole thing really surprised me. I didn't know I'd been so upset about it.

I still don't know if I've grieved for certain family members or friends of the family. Not to say I didn't love or care about them, but I just didn't experience grief in that same way. I don't recall crying. Most of the time, the feeling of guilt for not grieving in a traditional manner was always worse than the grief itself. Sad, but true. It'll be interesting to see how I handle death in the years to come. Whether my current method stays the same or if I am able to experience another side of things.

As for feeling distant from people, YES, I have experienced that my entire life. I was gonna make a separate post about it soon and ask what other people thought. I always feel like I have trouble connecting with people, even those who I am supposedly very close to. The people around me generally seem to like me, but I have great difficulty reciprocating their feelings in the same manner. I care about them and I wouldn't want to see anything bad happen to them, but I have trouble with becoming and feeling close to people. I don't know if that's a gap I'll ever cross.

Most of the time, I'm okay with that, but sometimes it can make me feel very alone. After learning about Asperger's, though, I've stopped thinking that my asocial tendencies mean something is wrong with me and more just that that may just be the way my brain is wired. It may be a good thing, in some cases, and it may be bad in others. It depends on the situation. I'm trying to learn how to accept that. I hope you figure out what works best for you, too.

This is a good description of my feelings about death. I find for myself its more the details about the death that make me grieve, more than the actual death itself. I don't like hearing about people who died alone, or after struggling with an illness, or in some scary or gruesome way that they are aware of as they are dying. If it's peaceful, sudden, or surrounded by loved ones, it is easier for me to accept.
I believe in God, so death isn't scary to me, and although I don't WANT to die, I do look forward to the next chapter of my life.