Anyone else not tell anyone about their AS/autism?

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I have AS, and I NEVER EVER dare tell anyone who isn't in my family about it. The only IRL people who know are my mother and father. I've never told anyone else, not even my girlfriend who I was with for two years, or my closest friends. It's not anything against AS people, but it's because I dislike being looked at as different. I often hear "aspie" and "autie" being used as an insult for "weird creepy dude who never talks" even though I'm not like that at all, for the most part. So I make an huge effort to be as "normal" as possible. When i'm with friends, i never talk about my current fixation/obsession (unless they bring it up, which they usually don't because they don't know i have a fixation). I try to sound less monotone, and I try to keep eye contact. You know, try to be as "NT acting" as possible. Many uninformed people think "aspergers" is a synonym for "mentally ret*d" and "special". I don't want to be thunk of as different, because i'm really not too different than NTs.

I recall back in 8th grade, there was these group of girls talking. One said "I think John is autistic. He's so weird", the other said "What's autistic?" and she said "It means you don't talk, you smell bad, but you're really good at math.". (Note: John wasn't me, he was another person in my grade. Not sure if he actually was an aspie/autie or not.)

It was that moment when I thought "Wow, I don't want to be thought of in that way."

In the 8 years since i've been professionally diagnosed, not a single person has suspected it from me. I suppose I hide it well

I've told my daughter not to tell anyone. Her therapist advised her the same. We've had very bad experiences with "telling". A couple of years ago my daughter was having problems with a classmate. I called her mother trying to solve the problem. So she could understand how important the issue was, I told her my daughter had AS. The woman in question is a teacher and she is supposed to be very professional. She told me she was going to talk to her daughter and try to put an end to the situation. The next day her daughter told everyone at school that my daughter was crazy, that she knew because I told her mother. It was a very hard, sad situation that affected my kid very much. I think it is better to keep it to yourself and your closest family. People can use that information to hurt you.

I'm debating whether I should tell people or not- at the moment very few people know: but that actually makes it more difficult for me as I get exhausted by pretending to be NT all of the time, and people do things that really wind me up/I react badly to and don't understand why I behave the way I do.

I think that if you choose to tell noone, it makes it more difficult as you then end up exhausting yourself and burning out, but telling everyone would be equally hard as so many people just don't understand about autism. Maybe telling a few people?

Let's give out a little autobiography here:-

I never showed any signs when I was a baby, all the symptoms came out when I started school at 4 years old, obviously my parents were all worried and so confided in family about my ''shocking'' behaviour, finally got a diagnosis at 8 years old, obviously my parents told all of my family, I never ever wanted to mention it to anybody or even admit that I had it, this went on from 8 years old to about 18-19 years old, came on WP at 19 years old, found that there are other people out there with this same disorder, came to terms with AS a bit more (although I still don't understand the exact full state of the disorder), now got to the point where I like to talk about it with my mum only, can hint about it in front of my auntie, still can't admit or bring it up in front of anybody else, still feel embarrassed and ashamed of it, and it's causing me great anxiety with finding a job. But at least I have at least reached a stage in life where I've managed to admit it to myself, and just about to my mum.

I have trouble sharing about my life with people in general. I'm extremely private. I don't like it with them knowing about my obsessions or anything personal. So I'd say there are only a few select people who I trust enough with any serious information. The reason for it is fairly simple... when people know stuff about me, they make judgements and form a lot of preconceived notions about what I'm like. Most of what they'll believe is wrong and I've lived a lifetime of people assuming things about me that are far from the truth. It really baffles me how people come up with such strange conclusions based on limited information. And once they are convinced that I am a certain way, no amount of rational arguments can dissuade them.

My strong desire for privacy also creates some problems, though, as I have trouble making conversation sometimes outside of my interests. I can fake it pretty well nowadays, but there are times when I don't have the energy to do so. I've also experienced quite a few "friendships" that ended after I dropped the "I am normal" facade. I'm slowly trying to work on being more honest and open about myself to other people. But it's been hard. Being self-aware makes me feel very judged sometimes and I know very keenly that I'm different. I wish I were better at not caring what others think.

I don't know if I have it or not. But I keep my suspicions and interest in it very, very private. I told my guidance counselor, and my mom. And both laughed at me. Only my best friend knows, really. And online people.

I only started reading in on Asperger's recently, but I've only told five people (my parents, my best friend and the two people who started my thinking on it). I do not think I will quickly expand that circle. Funnily, being a natural-sciences person who went into economics, most people simply accept my peculiarities as me being a natural-sciences kind of person (logical, nerdy).

I haven't discussed it with anyone because I feel it's none of their business.

In some ways, I really want to tell people about it. But I fear that it probably won't go over very well.

I don't tell anyone because of lots of reasons:

They may not believe me because I don't have the stereotypes
They may not believe me because I am too close to normal
They might use it against me like not value my opinions or feedback
They might use it as an excuse like blaming things I say or do on it even though everyone else does it too or it's something anyone else would say or do

They might use it to bully me by treating me different and talking to me like a small child.
They might accuse me of using it as an excuse when I am not.
They could use it as a ad hominen on me.
They might think I am using it as an excuse if I explain it to them when I did something wrong.
And it's embarrassing to tell people.

I find it really embarrassing to tell my friends. I really don't know why. My mum says that they will still like me for who I am, and won't suddenly think, ''oh, she's got that, I'm not going to speak to her any more.'' But I'm still afraid to tell people. I don't show enough symptoms to make them have suspicions about me. Yes, I may act a little odd, but it's still not too noticable. They might just think that's the way I am, or perhaps the way I've been brought up, or they might even think I might have some learning difficulties, which is as far as it goes. Nobody has ever suspected Autism with me. And I'm quite lucky, because most of my friends are a lot older than me, and so they might think that some of my odd ways might just be because I am much younger than they are and so on ''a different wavelength''. And then one or two of my friends are foreign, and foreign people seem to be very easy for me to hide my weirdness with. Then I have about three or four men that fancy me, and so they must like my weirdness (even though I don't fancy them back). So my friends are quite understanding with my weirdness, and the more understanding people are, the more I feel relaxed, and so the more weird ways get covered up.

I've discovered lately that my AS comes out more when I'm feeling uncomfortable around someone or in an environment where I'm feeling uncomfortable (for example, a crowded shopping centre).

I have spent my whole life feeling like a freak, and wondering what the heck is wrong with me, with only a recent diagnosis. If it comes up I tell people, this way I do not have to worry about pretending to be NT, I am who I am and if they don't like it tough.

I have found the older I get the less I like people in general (there are a few exceptions) Maybe this sounds cynical, but after years of being rejected by them it's my turn to do the rejecting

Well, if you hide it well I suppose I can see the point. If you look very obviously weird then it really doesn't matter. Everybody always knows that you're different anyway. My sons belong to the "obvious" category and I think everyone can tell I'm weird, too. When I told an old friend that I might have ASD he said he thought so.

The positive thing is the only people who'd bother/dare come talk to us are those who are very friendly, understanding or well-educated type, so we don't have to put up with ignorant ones. I'm very grateful that we live in a liberal area with mostly open-minded, well-educated people.

Out come, come Out! topic

My two youngest tell their friends I amAS so that the friends might not be shocked if I do something "weird". Sometimes i think my children are not as understanding as they might appear. Being AS to me is being myself, and my critical daughter, the youngest, often tries to push me into being "normal", which, of course, is impossible. I think of all my kids her behavioural quirks are closest to some of mine. But she is socially anxious (I have never been shy or anxious about other humans, just irritated/puzzled by them), and thinks she might have inherited this trait from me. I told her many teens feel anxious socially, and the cause might be more complex than she is aware. I tell her the anxiety will pass, Just be Yourself. Good advice to NT kid from Aspie mom.

It's hard for me to tell other people because I come from a part of the country where there are a lot of highly sociable people about, who look down upon people like me, (even though they ought to take a look at themselves - just because they're sociable and hang around in the pubs all day on job-seekers, doesn't mean they're the best folk in the world).

But I know an Aspie can't win in an NT world, so now I've decided to shut up about AS and just take people as they come. If they like me then they most likely don't mind my weird ways, and if they start bullying/back-stabbing/falling out/etc, then they must have got disturbed from something stupid I subconsciously must have said or done.

Only my boyfriend knows. He had suspected for a while that I was mentally different--"crazy" was how he put it. Unfortunately, I never saw myself in the same light until recently.

I don't tell anyone about my suspected AS because I feel like I don't have the right to since I haven't been formally diagnosed. I've been mimicking NT behaviours for so long that I don't even believe a therapist would see my "Aspieness." Besides, I don't want others to perceive me as being a hypochondriac and simply using AS as an excuse for my shortcomings.