Body language can be misinterpreted by NTs

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I've seen NTs misinterpreting body language. Before, I was never really told about AS and body language, but since I've seen reading more and more about Autism, I've been carefully observing NT behaviour, and I've captured a few times where NTs have misinterpreted body language through social behaviour.

One of my mum's sisters is, who I consider, a very typical middle-aged NT, who conforms and socialises from instinct. But the other day I've seen that she did miss my mum's non-verbal actions when she was telling my mum about a garden party she went to the other night. She was saying what happened, and who was there, and what everyone did, and even I could see that my mum looked bored and not interested, (because she doesn't know all these people and she's not a party-lover). But her sister didn't seem to notice, and was proudly continuing what she was saying, and I could tell that she didn't realise that my mum was looking bored. And I knew I was right about what my mum was thinking because yesterday her sister got brought up in a conversation, and she said that she felt bored when her sister was gabbling on about this party, and I said, ''yes, I thought you looked bored. How come she didn't notice and I did?'' and my mum said, ''we all miss non-verbal cues sometimes.''

Also, a man who I know came and sat next to me on the bus, and I know that he fancies me, and he doesn't seem to give up or get the message that I'm not interested in someone like him (he's a lot older than me and isn't really the type of man for me.) And before he got up, he went to whisper something in my ear about a man on the bus whom he didn't like, and I thought he was going to kiss me (since he leant right over to me and I wasn't expecting him to whisper something about somebody else), and I kind of stuck my arm out just a little bit as though I was protecting myself, and I suddenly went all stiff and lost eye contact with him, and then he did whisper what he wanted to whisper, then happily said goodbye and went. But then I saw him the next day and he was still the same. He didn't seem to recognise my non-verbal cues that I don't fancy him. He now keeps on asking me out for a drink, and wants to chat me up. I feel bad telling him that I'm not interested. I just take it that NTs guess how you feel by reading your non-verbal cues, but apparently this isn't always necessarily the case.

Yeah, it happens. Nobody's perfect.

I think in some cases people unconsciously don't want to notice certain body language, I've noticed that this has happened happened to me with a few guys. I know that all people can miss body language sometimes, we're all human, but I think sometimes people can want something so much that they don't want to see the truth under their noses.

About the guy, I'd probably try to let him know more clearly about not being interested but I can react really badly to even small unwanted advances and if you can handle things with him more gently I'd love some tips because I don't like hurting people either.

I do understand what you are saying, but I am trying and failing to perceive the point of what you are saying. Yes, it's true, some NTs fail to get non-verbal and sometimes even very explicit verbal cues. What are you trying to point out?

Yes NTs do miss out on cues too so I suppose they also have burn outs from using those skills and then they have an aspie moment and go back to being NT again. Or it's possible they could have that aspie trait or a nonverbal learning disorder or they could be aspie too and you may not even know it. Or they could just be an "idiot." I have noticed lately people love to throw that word around, same as stupid, when people make mistakes like say something wrong or not even realize they are being rude or not pick up on something or realize something about their behavior and how it may effects others around them.


That man on the bus could be an aspie but you never know because he looks normal too.

NTs don't always give a crap about nonverbal cues, too. I mean, everyone's selfish sometimes.

Nobody's perfect. NT's mess up just like Aspies. I think the only difference is just the frequency it happens and why it occurs. Also, sometimes NT's get the message and still don't care. For example, sometimes NT's really like to talk, too, and will continue even if you are obviously bored. They just want to chat and you're there to listen. It's probably not done maliciously, but it's certainly not a very sensitive thing to do.

Also, for example, if the guy really fancies you, he might notice that you are uncomfortable around him. Yet he could still be hoping that you "don't really mean it" and still decide to pursue the issue. Sometimes, too, the mess-up is completely honest. Maybe he really didn't understand that you're not interested. Maybe that NT that really likes to talk thought you were interested. It could really go either way.

Generally speaking, my method is to be as direct as possible. If body language doesn't seem to be working, then tell him point blank that you aren't interested. Be firm about it and hopefully he will leave you alone. If he STILL pursues it, then you know that he is doing it on purpose and it starts to turn into harassment. At that point, your best bet is probably just to move seats, ignore him, or talk to the bus driver.

Like I said, nobody's perfect. NTs can make mistakes too. I'm not the type to go around assuming that people are Aspie just because they've missed a non-verbal cue.

Some people like the sound of their own voice and will continue going on about something regardless of the level of interest on the receiving end. I'd say this can apply to both aspies and NT's.

Actually, it kind of drives me nuts when NTs screw up like that. I'm kind of thinking, Are you telling me that I have to go to therapy and have a disorder for not being able to do things...that YOU can't do either? Which isn't totally fair (which is why I don't say it aloud), but it still gets on my nerves.

I think I know what some people are saying, NTs do this deliberately and aspies don't. But if you are seeing the social cue and choosing to ignore it, that isn't missing it then. That is just ignoring the cue. If aspies see a social cue and ignore it too, it's not the AS then is it?

Could still be if they're talking about a special interest.

You're forgetting in all this that many times, other people (I refuse to use the term NTs) reject your rejection of their advances and aggressively push ahead, fully confident that they know that you don't appreciate their advances. Keep that strongly in mind, especially if you look vulnerable, they'll think you're a 'pushover' or that if you're cajoled enough, you'll give in out of fear.

I didn't forget anything - I've had to deal with such things far too often. It appears that you completely misread the point of my comment, so I guess I will clarify:

Joe90 often points out that NTs do the same things that autistic people do, and thus suggests that particular actions that autistic people do are not really "autistic" because NTs do the same thing. Unfortunately, she tends to leave out matters of scale and frequency - for example, suggesting that being sensitive to heat is not an autistic thing because NTs find temperatures of 30+ degrees Fahrenheit extremely hot, despite the fact that autistic people discussion heat sensitivity may be talking about temperatures of 15-24 degrees, rather than in the mid-high 30s.

Another example was when I said I wear sunglasses everywhere because of my photophobia, and Joe90 informed me that since NTs wear sunglasses too that my hypersensitivity to light had no connection to my autism.

I wanted to know if this was her intention in this thread or if she was simply making an observation.

That's because every single day I see an NT doing something or feeling something that an Aspie would, and I get highly confused. I often find myself asking my parents now, ''I thought only people with AS did that?''

I was just saying NTs CAN misinterpret body language, not ALWAYS DO.

I was just saying that everybody can make mistakes.

Okay, thank you.



Indeed!