advice from teenagers and parents etc

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My son is autistic. His speech has improved and now his desire to make friends is at its highest. He is 19 years old . . . seems really interested in slim attractive girls/ladies.

To assist with his desire to socialize I make attempts to let him meet people. However, this is not working out. When he introduces himself and tries to be friendly most people get scare and some back away from him.

These episodes are quite painful and leave me in tears as the rejection makes him upset and disobedient. Then he becomes more fustrated and repeats his desire to make friends from the moment he wakes up until I am forced to medicate him to get some sleep.

He is trying his best to make a friend. (Most literature says autistic individuals do not seek to be social. .. ) what is happening here?

The positive thing is that when someone responds by saying their name and smiling with him he is so happy. HELP please.

What medication are you giving him for his sleep or what medication does he take
in general? What impairments does he have beside social skills problems? Did
he complete high school for example?

aspies try to make friends, dont know how to, but want to, you need to point him in the right direction here,

There's a lot of bad science with Autism. Mental Health in general even.

Try to help him develop a thick skin, and come up with good strategies which I'm sure is what you're looking for and would happily offer if I had them.

Unfortunatly, much of socialization depends on other people. And people are monsters.

So try and find people less monsterous.


What seems to work for many of us are Roleplaying Games (Dungeons and Dragons) and Computers. Issues are still likely to crop up, but the people that into those sorts of things are more likely to identify with people who have Asperger's.

my humble feeling is to NOT put your son in that place.. I have a son with AS and I will never put him in that situation.. I know as a mom there is a huge chance that he will not have a great deal of friends. i remember my mom pushing me into so many social outlets because she thought it was good for me I really had a hard time getting past some of that in my childhood.. can I ask if you want him to make friends/female friends to make yourself feel better or him? he is 19 and he will get to a place where he can make friends later.. i think to introduce him to wrong planet would be great so he can get some input on what others do in his situation. you say your son is autistic but is he Aspergers? kids with AS want to maintain friendships but social skills will not let them. maybe find your local chapter of Autistic society and find help there. i think maybe with input and guidance from a professional you can find a good way of letting him meet others..

"Does he have tics is that why he takes Haldol? I've read good things about a drug
guanfacine. It can treat the hyper part of ADHD and the motor tics from
conditions like tourettes. Without alot of side effects. One common side effect it has is to make you feel tire(which might help your sons sleep).
Your might ask your doctor about it."

He never had tics until the doctors gave him Thioridazine/Mellaril to help him sleep and to lessen his hyperactivity. (Now, no Mellaril no tics.)
Then, that was stopped and the Haldol started . . . I try desperately not to give him Haldol unless I have too as he now gets something like convulsions when he uses the Haldol. He never had convulsions before. Honestly, each day I die with him.

I have copied the medicine you mentioned. I will ask the doctor about it. Thank you.

I would not turn my back on his desire to make friends - but obviously he needs some more training and practice. Is there a social skills group for college-aged Aspies that he could join? If not, maybe you could find a therapist that would be willing to start one. Some basic skills training should help him figure out what to do to avoid "scaring people away."
He also needs "safe places" to interact. My son has gone to "Magic - The Gathering" card tournaments over the years, and I think that's been a good experience. There are also some religious organizations that are very accepting and supportive, and they have different types and levels of social groups. And, as always, I like to recommend volunteering. In a volunteer situation, people are there because they want to be, they are happy to have help, there is a structured activity going on, and usually someone will tell you exactly what they want you to do. Working together in a low-stress situation can be a good basis for a friendship.

What is so unusual about a 19 wanting to meet girls? Unless one is deeply autistic, most people on the spectrum would seek some kind of sexual gratification. I fear the only way your son will learn about his limitations is to keep trying. One of the frustrations of being autistic is that you obviously do not want to be like this. Everyone wants to be loved, or at least liked. Social acceptance is something that most Aspies go out of their way to achieve, with varying degrees of success. However, failure in this regard can be extremely painful. Perhaps you can encourage him to participate on this forum more. Learning what it is like for other Aspies is a first step towards self awareness.