Not allowed to go to many places by myself?

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ocdgirl123
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29 Jul 2011, 3:52 pm

Is there anyone who, due to Asperger's, wasn't allowed to go many places by themselves? (Is it not allowed if still a teenager) I am only allowed to school, my dad's work, the Starbucks by my dad's work, the two local malls and the local coffee shop by myself.

Did anyone else have rules like this?



Tequila
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29 Jul 2011, 3:57 pm

It isn't that I am "not allowed" to go places; it is more that if I do go to places that I don't feel comfortable at I would be worried for my own safety more than anything else.



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29 Jul 2011, 4:12 pm

I could go more places alone if I really wanted to. I don't do that because I like the company of other people. I feel safe when I'm out and about with a group of people that I know.


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Niamh
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29 Jul 2011, 5:39 pm

I wasn't allowed to go many places but it was because my mother was overbearing, not because of my autism. I now live in student accommodation miles away from my parents but I don't go far by myself as I get lost easily, I get sensory overload on public transport, and I can't afford it anyway :P I'm waiting for a yes or no to my application for a travel pass, because if I do get it I'll be able to go on more journeys due to the option of hopping on and off for breaks and not having to pay the fare again and again. I like when my boyfriend is with me, because he takes charge of what we're doing and where we're going and just tells me what happens in what order and I don't have to think about it and so it's less overwhelming for me.

Have you considered asking to be allowed to just try going somewhere else alone? It could be a good learning experience for you. You could ask if you can go somewhere nearby and familiar, and if you make it there and back ok to try something else after that? Just a thought :)



Sparhawke
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29 Jul 2011, 5:57 pm

I think all parents are like this aren't they? Or it could simply be because you are a hottie and they think you are going to go behind the nearest bike shed you see with the first boy that notices lol

Have you ever tried asking them?

@Tequila, what part of Lancashire are you from, I am from Rossendale :)



Tequila
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29 Jul 2011, 6:03 pm

Sparhawke wrote:
@Tequila, what part of Lancashire are you from, I am from Rossendale :)


I've been theer, aye. ;)

Ribble Valley, near Preston. :)



OneStepBeyond
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29 Jul 2011, 7:17 pm

have you asked to go somewhere else? maybe they'll let you if you tell them where you're going and take a mobile phone



ocdgirl123
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29 Jul 2011, 7:22 pm

Believe me, they would say "no". I just go as many possible as possible with another adult. That's just how they are. Even with a cell phone. I think they are afraid of me having a meltdown or a panic attack in public. Which is not an unreasonable fear.



Sparhawke
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29 Jul 2011, 7:31 pm

You have to explain to them that you have to start doing things for yourself, what are they going to do when you are 18?

Kick you out of the house to fend for yourself with no life skills at all?

(like my family did)

Yes, it may be hard on them, but it is going to be a hell of a lot harder for you when you suddenly find yourself out in the world later on all alone in life.



BillyIdolFan217
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29 Jul 2011, 9:23 pm

I`m just scared of going places by myself and feel a lot more comfortable with someone else!


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Ilka
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29 Jul 2011, 9:40 pm

My daughter is 11 years old and I do not let her go alone anywhere. She is only allowed going out if there is an adult (one we know and feel comfortable with). I never allow her to sleep over. She is a very beautiful little girl. Since she is very little I have watched men looking at her in a sexual way. I am just trying to protect her as much as I can. Its not because of her AS. I just read such horrible things in the news I get scared someone might hurt her. She is our only child.



ocdgirl123
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29 Jul 2011, 10:40 pm

But I'm 16! My parents aren't worried about sexual predators as they'd know I'd scream, they are worried about me screaming when something minor happens (meltdown). So it is because of my AS, in my case.



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29 Jul 2011, 10:43 pm

ocdgirl123 wrote:
But I'm 16! My parents aren't worried about sexual predators as they'd know I'd scream, they are worried about me screaming when something minor happens (meltdown). So it is because of my AS, in my case.


Wow, this is even funnier. Your parents won't let you play rated M games, but they let you go to places alone? The only place I've ever gone alone is school. Even when I go to the store occasionally my mom will at least wait inside the car for me.


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ocdgirl123
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29 Jul 2011, 10:57 pm

Sparhawke wrote:
You have to explain to them that you have to start doing things for yourself, what are they going to do when you are 18?

Kick you out of the house to fend for yourself with no life skills at all?

(like my family did)

Yes, it may be hard on them, but it is going to be a hell of a lot harder for you when you suddenly find yourself out in the world later on all alone in life.


My parents said that I can live with them until I feel ready to move out. The post-secondary institution I would like to go to is close to home so it won't be a problem.

SammichEater, my parents only let me go to the mall alone, and only the local malls too.



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30 Jul 2011, 12:49 am

ocdgirl123 wrote:
My parents said that I can live with them until I feel ready to move out. The post-secondary institution I would like to go to is close to home so it won't be a problem.

SammichEater, my parents only let me go to the mall alone, and only the local malls too.

The mall sounds like a strange place to be the only place they will let you go alone if they are afraid you will have a meltdown. Perhaps ask them why they feel it's safe to let you go to the mall? But don't say anything about other places, just ask about the mall alone, and get back to us if they say anything.


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30 Jul 2011, 6:44 am

my parents were almost as strict when i was your age. they let me go to the city alone though so long as i had a mobile, came back well before dark and didnt go to anything political or gay or otherwise objectionable to them. they still do that now but im allowed a little more leeway with how late i come if it is for uni or only once in a while. ive never gone to a club or bar but i think they would only let me if i went with a friend. they still freak out if i dont answer my phone. this is not because im an aspie, its because they are overprotective, sexist and im female. your parents really should let you out more at this age. how can they expect you to cope on your own if you are not exposed to the world? how can you enjoy life if you have no control over it? do you think they'd let you go to places that you dont associate danger with alone like the library, museums, art galleries, zoos, aquariums, etc so they slowly get used to the idea of you going out or are they really that prohibitive of your freedom?