The Guilt

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Sometimes I wake up and ask myself is it really the Asperser’s or is it just me and I am using this whole AS thing as a crutch to be a selfish as*hole. Although I am undiagnosed I strongly do believe I have the disorder because of some of the traits I have such as..................
I am very bad at spelling (I heavily rely on a spellchecker)
I don’t really know what proper eye contact is. I seem to have bad timing with it and kind of give off this overbearing stare I think weird’s people out.
I tend to pay more attention to detail than what’s actually being conveyed
I can be clumsy and awkward in terms of motor behavior and verbal articulation
I don't volunteer things of interests to people
My Lack of social and emotional reciprocity

The doubt just gets me. I think I am at a point in my life were I am going to lose everyone who really cares about me because I just want to be alone and do my own thing. I feel like a 101th Piece of a 100 Piece Puzzle. No One knows WHY I am there and I think it annoys my family. Being around people seems to just drain me and I’m starting to think my very presence is painful to them as well but I have no close family, no friends, and absolutely nowhere to go but the streets. Right now I just can’t tell if it’s my own selfish pride or the Asperser’s and the guilt is killing me inside so there might be no other alternative than being homeless seeing as its heading that direction anyway. Anyone else feel this way sometimes? What should I do? Help please.

Hi,
I've often felt like that.
I think we can learn to be more social, at least to some extent. This might be worth it if it is only required sometimes.
I don't know for sure if our 'wiring' that prevents us from understanding others well is accurately called 'pride', but I think that we can learn to empathize with others more if we have the right methods.
So there's hope! You may be able to learn enough to get by with NT's when necessary and still enjoy your solitary as well.

Try noticing the ways in which you are a kind person, despite your social difficulties. Or find something you could do that is really caring, and start doing it. Such as volunteering for some good cause.

Then when you get those guilty thoughts, you can point to those as signs that you really are a good person even if you're often misunderstood.

I often feel the same way. During my career I had to be around a lot of people some NT and some AS. It was always a strain and I would be the happiest when I had a whole weekend to be alone. Guilt was never an issue for me though. The thing is to learn to deal with the NT's when necessary and otherwise try to hang on until you can get some alone time.