I HATE this mother's attitude

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Katherine is a little girl with AS. Aparently, according to her mother's videos about her she gets picked on and bullied a lot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A86IgdJv ... ideo_title
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx1quXN5 ... ideo_title
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkXAQ2UD ... ideo_title



The mother dosen't let her acknoledge her feelings and tells her to "walk away". She aparently tried before but the bullies just chased her.

The mother dosen't let the girl defend herself and tells her she needs to "suck it up" and learn impulse control becuase she could get sued. I guess it never occured to the mother that the bullies can be sued too. I can see this girl getting raped or hurt one day if she listens to her mother. I HATE the mother's attidude.

If this was my daughter, I would find a martial arts class for kids with AS. In addtion to learning self defense, she would also learn impulse control and all that physical activity would help her burn off all that agressive energy. The only way I was able to get my bullies to leave me alone was to physicaly hurt them. It took more than once to get the message into their thick heads, but eventualy they would learn. I was never in any sort of martial arts classes becuase whenever my parents suggested anything new I would have a meltdown.

Anyway, I hate the attidude of this mother and if she dosen't at least allow her daughter to express her feelings, it won't surprise me if this girl gets serious hurt, raped or even killed one day. I was never seriously hurt physicaly or sexually (emotionaly and mentaly is another story) BECAUSE I would fight back. Anyway, this mother's attitude seriously pisses me off.

The world is full of stupid people.

It's a matter of how one fights back. Go through the authorities. Appeal to the parents of the bullies and put the pressure on.

Seriously, if this kid starts cracking skulls in retaliation, it could work against her. Parents have gone to jail for encouraging their kids to fight. This kid could get a bad reputation that will hinder her future. People who are known to be violence prone are not exactly in demand, but she could be a kickboxer or wrestler one day. Her options would be deminished.

Keep calling the cops on the bullies and they will learn it isn't worth going to jail over, eventually.

I got rid of my bullies when I told them I was a witch and I was going to put a spell on them. while I was playing with my tarrot cards. They believed me.
WHo knows, maybe I would have.
I also ran off "christian" bullies when I talked at length about vampirism with my boyfriend, at the time, within their hearing range.
psychological warfare at the advanced level.

but either way, the suck it up only works if you show complete indifference to your bullies...if they cant get a rise out of you they will go elsewhere. But most people dont have to self control to pull that off. Kids with autism usually dont have that mastery of self control. However I agree with you that karate would deter most of them.

As far as them suing her, well if that is the case, then she should sue the bullies first. I think there needs to be such lawsuits, then parrents would not encourage bullying behavior in their kids.

I remember how infuriating it was when I was a child and when I would try to explain how the other kids were bullying me and the idiot adults would try to explain to me why my reactions were worse than the bullying.

I always wanted to scream at whichever adult tried to do this because no, nothing I did was ever worse than the bullying.

This woman's daughter is being tormented, and her mother's reaction about it is so stupid.

In the third video when her mother and her sister are discussing it and when they are talking about how to stop the reactions they really have no idea about what actually happens about bullying.

Bullying does not stop unless you stop it.

ARREST the bullies and make the parents of the bullies pay a hefty fine for getting them out of jail. They just arrested a bunch of teenagers where I live for simply breaking cerfew which is practically nothing. IMO the cops should arrest the teenagers causing problems, not all of them just for standing around. When the adults give kids the message that beating on other kids will destroy their future and cost their parents a lot of money, the majority of bully behavior will cease and peace will reign supreme on planet earth.

"Remember the generation that you raised" that quote comes to mind when I think of the parents that have raised these kids. Kids observe their parents behaviour and that's how they learn. This little girl has to stand up for herself but how can she when her mum is a fool?

Totally agree with u. Only thing NTs understand is physical force.

Okay, why are you blaming the mother of the child and not the ones causing the problems? It is not the mother who is assaulting others, is it? Why would you think another assault would make all the other assaults okay? You do know assaults are against the law. Defending oneself is another matter but keep in mind kids who defend themselves are seen as just as guilty as bullies by authority figures at schools. Unfortunately, it's a lose/lose situation.

I've been ganged up on by rabid bullies before. Of course I fought back, I had no choice, but it did no good. The only thing that worked for me is when the principal at my school threatened the bullies with suspensions and cops. So I know from experience this type of pressure works.

Please, don't hate on the mom, she isn't the one doing the bullying so why shift the focus from the real problem by hating the victim's mother?

My mother's advice:

It's because you react--how was I supposed not to react?
Take it at face value--do that and they never stop
Walk away--and they chase you.

She finally wound up volunteering at the school, which stopped some of the physical stuff but not the verbal crap and especially not the isolation. It also didn't help me gain real life skills for managing as*holes.

My mother never believed what I was telling her about the damn bullies until years later when she saw a group of boys push a girl down, make a ring around her and taunt her. Duh.

I agree: fine the parents.

Assertive mum teaches kid to stand up for herself, passive mum tells kid to 'suck it up', kid doesn't know how to deal with it. I'm not saying the kid should assault the other kids but have a good role model/ support. This kid has got to learn how to deal with bullies effectively, not just from the parents

That's exasperation from the mother probably because she cannot get the shiftless school to do anything about the problem. Adults are supposed to act as role models and administrators of policy and I don't know of one place that condones bullying. You are not allowed to harass coworkers on the job. Someone is not doing their job teaching these bullies that their behavior will not be tolerated. That is how you teach kids to effectively deal with bullies. You can be assertive til you are blue in the face, but, you know that is often what the bullies crave- your reaction- so they can twist it around and manipulate the situation some more.

So go ahead and play their game - nuturing the mindset of a future stalker or preditor- it's the same sort of behavior- instead of giving them the message while they are quite young and there is still hope that their behavior has serious consequences and it won't make for a bright future.

You assume alot of things my friend. You don't need to tell me that a bully is looking for a reaction, everyone knows that. Do you think you are the only one that has been bullied? I have not met another person that hasn't been bullied before. My point is, it's the attiude towards bullying, in this case, that is a problem. I was agreeing with the OP

Then what should the mother do? How do you know the kid hasn't fought back and it only got her in trouble for fighting. School administrators don't care who started what, they see kids throwing punches both kids are culpable in their eyes. Can't you see the mother is at her wits end on what to do and the system has failed these kids? So why judge the poor mom in this situation?

Been there, done that when it comes to the bullies.

It was easy to be suicidal back in my pre-teen/early teen years when I was all hyped up on Ritalin and suffering from a give-a-damn deficiency. So, yeah, I'd pick on the bullies a time or two. Some life lessons I learned back in those days:

First of all, and I'm not suggesting anyone actually DO this, but DO think about what it means--bullies don't care if they get caught. If an aspie gets caught because the aspie is being tormented into a fight, neither should he. Bullies only care about unpleasant consequences, not about doing right by other people. A bully gets caught--big deal. So what? What is, say, a teacher going to do about it? Suspend him? Expel him from school? No, because public school doesn't work that way. School districts don't get monetary allocations for kicking kids out--they get money for passing them on through and building on their "successes." I've been a classroom teacher, so I know this: You can't get rid of the bully. And if you do, so what? He's just getting what he wants because he never really wanted to be there in the first place.

People who are, by nature, "good" people in terms of relative morality (as opposed to moral relativity ) DO care because punishment has less to do with unpleasant consequences but rather our evaluation of ourselves and our worth to ourselves and others. If a "good person" in those terms wants to stand up, fight, and overcome that adversity, he or she must first shut off the voice of his or her conscience and take a risk that he or she might irrevocably damage the bully or that he or she him/herself could be severely traumatized in the process. I briefly went through this and was forced to find ways to cope with it. When I got fed up with it, I turned to physically unloading on the people who mentally abused me--including my own father.

But I did something that bullies do not do. When I would get in a fight with someone, and there were really only two REALLY bad ones, I made sure that the time and location would guarantee that I'd get caught. At my school, paddling was standard procedure. Big deal. I got paddled nearly every day in second grade, MAYBE twice since then. I knew the drill. And I knew getting caught, while I could deal with the humiliation, the bully pushing me around could not. I knew if I was getting paddled, he was, too. That was enough for me. For once, I put a guy who was used to being in control in a situation in which he was unable to manipulate the outcome.

There was at least one other fight at that school that year, and it was bad enough they did start cracking down on suspensions/expulsions for hallway violence. I figured out that I could handle bullies just fine on my own and had nothing else to prove, so I just ignored all the verbal garbage. I let them think whatever they wanted to think about me. As long as I made it to band and piano lessons, I was good. I even had the privilege of hanging out/working in the music room/playing piano during study halls and half of lunch so I could avoid those kinds of confrontations. My junior and senior years went fairly smoothly.

So, yeah, one way you can handle it is just switching your conscience off and giving back 10 times more than what you're given. If you can handle the risk of ending up in the detention center (arrested), getting kicked out of school/going to alternative school, or whatever your school does, you only have to decide whether this is the choice you want to make. I felt there were more things to live for, so I just stopped running in the kind of circles that put me within a bully's reach.

My preferred way, once I got off the meds, was to hang out with like-minded kids who, while not really "popular" kids necessarily, were very sweet people and not the kind bullies really want to mess with. This is because bullies are "fringe" kids, and they're mainly interested in attacking other fringe kids at the opposite pole from where they are so they can feel better about themselves. Taking yourself out of the fringe is a good step. Doesn't matter if the party you crash completely ignores you--what matters is that you're with a safe group. Isolate yourself and you make yourself a target.

The opposite of this is the "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" and run with a bully's gang. Just laugh at the jokes, and you'll be fine. Don't get pissed off when they verbally pick on you. And don't run away. They're fringe kids, after all, and they need to feel accepted. Validate a bully and you'll have a friend for life, toxic as the relationship might be. Personally, this wasn't something I really wanted for myself, so you just have to figure out why you'd WANT to hang with this crowd. Fringe kids that are "in between" the bullies and the nerds are the ones wearing black trench coats and play with guns and explosives.

In my adult life, in recent years, I've had to come to terms with my social ineptitudes as they finally caught up with me after college. I had a GREAT experience as a grad student because people respected my age and experience. But I don't play political games, and you won't last long as a public school teacher if you can't play the game. I taught some of the toughest kids and by the end of the year managed to connect with most of them. But I have authority issues. I handled most of my issues on my own, but I had a principal who was really overbearing. I couldn't get any reliable help from my superintendent, and they were all angry at me for leaving. But what was I SUPPOSED to do? After you jerk me around, leaving me guessing as to whether you like the job I'm doing or whether I'm getting a contract next year? Enough of that... My last job I failed at getting the headmaster to trust me to know how to do my job. I was teaching private school, and I refused to grant anyone any special favors or recognize them just because they owned half the town. Now I teach one-on-one, am self-employed, and my career is taking an unexpected turn. But it wasn't until I isolated myself and focussed on my own creative work that it happened.

The other way this came back to haunt me is someone in my church was took some personal issue with me and my family and did everything she could to get rid of us, even getting the help of some of her rich friends to do it. She called CPS on us 3 times that we were aware of, and possibly more than that. Every accusation turned out to be completely unfounded, but these CPS people don't play around. It was truly a frightening experience. But we held on, moved just outside the city, and we live in relative safety. We talk to no one. We severely limit the contact we have with certain types of people. I steal the initiative on projects relating to my steady church gig, and I see that as being the next big step in my creative life. I've set up my work situation there such that I can spend most of my time working independently, but I also have people who are willing to work with me as volunteers. And all of that is strictly professional.

So, while you can avoid bullies, become a bully, fight bullies, keep your mouth shut no matter what they say to you, and surround yourself with people who will at the very least tolerate you enough to keep you safe from negative influences, the issues you have will follow you throughout life. Get it figured out as early as possible, come up with a strategy, and focus on what is really the most important.

I cannot agree more with AngelRho, you can't escape bullies and you must have a strategy. The whole point I was trying to say is you need to surround yourself with a kind of support group. From a kid's perspective, he/she would ask mum/dad what he/she should do. Unfortunately some parents just tell their kids to "tell the teachers" or "suck it up", there is not much they can do but support them. Don't assume that parents are the only support.....