hiding meltdowns

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I've been going through an lot of meltdowns lately, stressing over trying to tell my father I think I'm autistic and worrying too much about work and procrastinating too much over school and bouncing off the walls inside but keeping everything bottled up because my mother threatens to kill me when I act overwhelmed. My self-soothing activities are less and less soothing every day and I can't seem to find ways to vent about my fears and frustrations, long time disappointments are upsetting me like never before and I'm just stewing in a lot of bad feeling right now. Does any one else find they absolutely dare not show a sign when they're having a meltdown? How do you cope?

My meltdowns are outward, so it is absolutely impossible for me to hide them. The only way to make them not noticeable to other people is for me to get up and move to a private space.

Do you have any time alone in your house? If so that's a good time to do stress-relieving things that would be seen as "acting out" by onlookers.

I can keep quiet if I'm left alone with my computer, but in a meltdown I can't do anything, I just flit around on the internet trying to distract myself from every negative thought that comes into my head. Everywhere I go I feel triggered so I just keep moving virtually. I've been in this holding pattern for about a week now. It's too dangerous to show emotion in my house. My mother won't tolerate it.

My sister once told me, "You're a very good actor." I always bottle it up and never show a sign of the hurricane that's raging inside my head. I've had blowups where I can't contain it anymore and I scream at someone, but they've been rare.

Well since it sounds like your mother is a pretty constant presence in your house... can you go to a park near where you live and run around maybe? Also if you like dogs it is extremely stress-relieving to volunteer to run around with them in a fenced are at a shelter (shelters are usually in great need of "dog runners") and you can get all your negative energy out running around with them and calling them and acting in ways most people would deem foolish but dogs really don't care about. Also throwing objects is stress-relieving and that's what playing fetch with dogs is on your end!

Thanks for the advice. I don't drive and it's 110 F outside so not great for walking to the nearest park for a break. Plus I hate to feel this way in public, I've been locked up as a mental patient for having a meltdown in a library and that was a very scary place to be, lots of fights and no clear way out. I prefer to be home where my mother feels threatening but usually isn't, rather than be among strangers where you don't expect to be threatened but actually no one understands or sympathizes.

Wow, I think your mother may be Aspie too and your meltdowns may be triggering hers.

I know I have to be careful around my boys when they have tantrums/meltdowns/do something gross sensory-wise. I'm taking medicine to reduce the desire to try to intimidate them (I've never desired to hurt them, just make them stop their behaviors).

Oh I sympathize. I have the whole day to myself every weekday but it's still not enough, I've been extremely anxious lately and can't take other people being around the house cause they always get mad at me or act like I'm being really weird. Which causes even more stress. At times like this people's very voices aggravate me like I'm a mouse and they are hawks circling above me and when I start to panic over that they angry and I pretty much... do whatever is more extreme than panicking!

Yes been in a mental hospital and see the problem. It's such a shame that there's no real understanding of mental health issues the way there is of physical health issues. Then things like what you experienced after melting down in the library wouldn't happen. There's still this ridiculous stigma and resultant public ignorance and lack of acceptance.

Yeah thanks for sharing. I'm glad you know what I mean. It's nuts finding the voice of your housemate and every move she makes just causes your hair to stand on end, and when there's nowhere to it just sucks.. But I do have dogs who understand how to be soothing and empathize when I feel harassed. Also, I find movies help me escape my thoughts and ignore household noises. I just need to decompress to the point that I can get back to work. So hard to blow off steam when you absolutely have to act like nothing bothers you.

My meltdowns are mostly silent. I usually go to some place where I can be alone and then I let it out (silently). I had a meltdown today and surprisingly, this time I couldnt hold it back until I was in a private place and it just came out really loud. I was sobbing uncontrollably in front of everyone. I was shocked by the sounds I was making and I managed to scare my mom. When the meltdown passed, my neck felt weak and as if it was bent with the weight of my head.

Funny, I find it extremely impossible to hide my meltdowns in my house, but when I'm with friends and something bother me, I find it really easy to hide any meltdowns.

I don't have many meltdowns, but when I do, they are extremely spectacular. I've had meltdowns while on a psych ward (I have schizophrenia) and I've ended up being injected because I was literally about to smash a window or hurt myself badly without intention. Its the reason why every time I've been sectioned, its been by the police. Nothing calms me down though (except medication) when I'm like that, and its impossible to hold in. I will watch this thread to see if I can find something that stops me from causing carnage next time.

i can't hide my meltdowns because they are like an avatar state i turn into a beast.

Only way I can hide my meltdowns is if I get my way or if I leave that is causing it. But I can hold it in and not have one by sitting on my hands and keeping my body stiff so I don't stim and keeping my legs wrapped around the chair legs so I am not moving them. Does that count as trying to hide one?