Why bullies should be pitied.

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i've read topics that relate to bullying and I just want to say that instead of ignoring or insulting bullies, you should help them if possible. I have only been bullied a few time in elementary school, but it didn't go beyond verbal abuse and I know that some of you have probably went through more than just that. So you might be thinking to yourself, "This doesn't know what we've been through. He doesn't have a right to say how bullies should be treated because he's never tasted severe bullying". If you think that you're exactly right, i've never gone through some of the things that you have, but bullies probably hurt inside just like you do because of their insecurity.

People aren't naturally born as jerks, since something has to happen to them to make them the way they are. They might suffer from stupidity, personality disorders, a harsh envirorment in which they live in, etc. I'm not saying that their problems justify what they do, but I think they deserve some kindness because they might be looking for some and they don't know to receive it, so they express themselves by bullying others. I'm aware that's not the only reason why people bully, but the point is that people aren't born like that because something has to happen to make them that way. Feel free to call my post BS, but if you do that I'd like to have some reasons to support your opinions on why my view on bullies is stupid. I aplogize for any grammatical errors.

Sigh, what's wrong with the topic people?

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Some people are naturally predisposed to being bullies. And bullies don't deserve sympathy. When they notice that their bullying is keeping them from having true friends, they will hopefully turn from their ways.

I understand where you're coming from Deathstalker, but one could take that reasoning to every similar situation and say that a person's actions are always influenced by their environment. Where does one draw the line? Personal responsibility comes in somewhere and it's best to assume that all bullies are personally responsible for their behaviour rather than the other way around. That way, even if the bullies come from a poor environment and don't have personal responsibility, they can be given responsibility by giving them control of whether they're punished or not.

Also, I would strongly disagree that all bullies come from poor environments or haven't had a proper upbringing. In fact, I would say only a very small handful of bullies come from such environments. The others only wish to assert their alliegence with their social group, are intolerant, or are unable to take responsibility for their actions and are feeling pressured by others to bully.

I came from a crappy upbringing and so did my husband and we never bullied. I can't speak for others.

It is not those lone skinhead or hooligan-type fellows that are bullying others that are a problem. Those bullies who are marked out and recognised as bullies by peers and teachers, are most often either from working class homes or suffers from some sort of attention deficit disorder. Those who are the greatest problem in school are the unofficial hierarchy of "popular, well-adapted, well-established students" who often together with young teachers are upholding some sort of meme-monopoly where those who are refusing or unable to adapt to the accepted behavior are put under emotional sanctions from those who have the support of the establishment. What we are seeing there is most often jocks and cheerleading type girls, which are studying comparably high but does not have any independent thoughts on their own, who partially feels threatened by nerds, and wants to categorise people into different roles where they themselves have a higher and more valued position.

For a "we" to exist, there must exist a "them". Bullies are irritating, but they are essentially the same thing as nerds, in terms of relations with the established dominant cultural memes on school. Bullies are generally students who are both bullied and therefore bullies other in order to reclaim some of their feel of self-value. Those who create this environment are "the good children" who are not doing anything directly, but rather subtly speaking with each-other over the phone or in the sporting club, where they say things like "Oh, you mean Mark? He is not normal, he got something abnormal in his head", and interacting with each-other in order to establish some sort of dominance.

This is completely in accordance with the current culture, where "social competence" [the quality of manipulating others] are valued higher than "technical competence" [the quality to manipulate matter and thermodynamics] and already Thorstein Veblen recognised this inherent conflict between businessmen and engineers, where businessmen generally takes the lion share and the engineers are put to the second violin. Nerds, engineers and worker grunts are not repressed today, but they are simply not valued as high as smooth-talking businessmen by the general establishment.

In conclusion, lone bullies and aspies/nerds are generally potential allies, since the real enemy, the establishment culture, lies above them and not below. And actually, a lot of populist movements during the last century was basically formed out of a leadership of nerds and a followership of bullies. I am not a fan of Eduard Limonov, but his analyses are sometimes valuable to read.

For example, read "Lecture 8, the misfits" in his book "Another Russia".

Some people when they get picked on respond by being better than the bullies. Even though I slipped up a bit, that is the approach I took.


Just because you're abused doesn't mean you have to be an abuser too.


As I see it? Bullies of all forms deserve indignation, not pity. But if you want them to stop abusing, giving them support will probably help a lot.


Not sure what to do about the people that are genuine monsters, not just confused though.

Hope this helps......

People might use bullying behaviour accidentally, because they did not realise it was wrong or that it hurt others. They would respond to being taught by an experience and qualified person to behave differently.

People might use bullying behaviour because of some mental health condition which has been diagnosed, and means they cannot behave differently at the moment. They need medical help to change how they behave, with perhaps also being taught to behave different once they can do so.

People might use bullying behaviour because they think it's normal, having grown up watching those around them doing this. Again, they need retraining.

People might use bullying behaviour because they do have low self-worth. Again, they need retraining which should include some confidence-building exercises.

People might use bullying behaviour because they are being bullied or blackmailed into doing so by another bully. They join in because they are scared to stop. They need help to find ways to stay safely away from the other bully, and the other bully needs dealing with appropriately.

People might use bullying behaviour because they enjoy hurting other people. It makes them feel strong, powerful and in control. Such people do enjoy causing pain to others. They need remedial help, and they need to be completely retrained and kept away from other people until they are safe again (assuming they can be made safe).

Do any of these categories mean that it's our job to help them, if we're the victim? No. We might choose to, but bullies may use any communication from us as a sign that they can continue the bullying. Normally people are advised to stay safe, stay away from them if you can, and follow whichever guidelines apply - maybe a work policy on bullying, or a school or college policy.

If people are bullying you, there are often harassment laws that you can use to get the police to monitor their behaviour and arrest them if they continue. There might be antisocial behaviour laws too, or court injunctions to keep them away from you. Many mobile phones now have a recording ability so you might be able to record what they say or do to you for evidenc to show someone else. I would also recommend carrying an attack alarm if you are worried about bullies somewhere.

Always report bullying to someone you trust who can help you. It is not your problem to sort them out. It is up to them to get help, or up to others to ensure they do.

I made a thread on the School and College Forum about a possible solution to bullying; it's from long time ago, but I think it's pretty relevant here. It talks about using cameras to monitor behavior, only they'll be watched not by corrupt school officials, but by designated security officers.

Take a look: http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.html?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=3976.

when I weas 14, I and one of those who bullied me both arrioved at a Maths class 15 minutes early-me in an attempt to escape some of ther bullying (who else except a maths whiz goes to a Math's class *early*) and her becvause she got there qyuoicker than she thought she woulfd, I assume. (she was no masths whiz.)

She approached me, and I feared the worst, but she actually aplogised, and told me she pcked on me firstly to gain acceptance by everyone else and secondly because she was jealous of me.

It turned out my innocuous remarks on how Mum asked me how school had gone, what she did for me, how she sat with me and read to me had hitt a nerve. She said her parents just gave her money and wanted her out of the house. They never asked how she was. They never spent time with her. She said she was jealous of my relationship with my patrents, and what I felt was the saddest thing of all-she could only feel good about herself by making somebody feel wortse thank she felt about herself.
Yes, I pity her but am glad I moved away from her because withy a sick view like that, it tells me she is damaged-probably too badly for any action to be taken to help.

However, she is the onmly one i know of who bullies for this reason, and my policy with bullied is:

1) if you see it happening and can safely intevebne, do.

2) Avoid them. If they want help, they'll ask for it. Offering it could make you a fresh/renewed target.

JulieArticuno

That is sick. Never ever give that power to the authorities. Remember that the school is a production facility for "future model citizens".

yeah had a lot of issues with bullies and issues is light way to put it. i got punked and bullyed guns to put my head in school and beat unconscous by school bullys and a few teachers.
i would sit undermydesk and draw and make strnage sounds with my mouth and my wince my facial features so i got my arse kicked beacuse of that.
the teachers let the bullys do what they wanted i n school.. the alwpha males always egt awya with what ever they want its how cpaitlaism works i guess in america in the 80s/.

ut i got bullyed so bad ended up in the hospital and droped out to save my own life in the 8th grade.
i still egt bullyd all the time .
the game compony rockstar games is makeing a game called bully about getitng abck at bullys sounds fun but silly really i dont beleve in revenge or pity.
but i can understand and relate to all thsoe kids getting bullyed today..thats why i liked eminem so much i guess.

I have no sympathy for bullies. As far as I'm concerned, bullies give up every bit of sympathy they were once entitled to as soon as they harm people that have nothing to do with their problems

I felt bad when I put one in the hospitol, but I got over it fairly quickly.