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Transhuman
Snowy Owl
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08 Aug 2011, 8:46 am

I usually talk when I have something to say, and with a reason. I talk only when it benefits me in one way or another (if I either want more information about something, some advice, or if I want to hear something interesting about the person I'm talking to - this is the only time I might ask about one aspect about their life - when it interests me). However, when I talk in this way, people rapidly loose interest in me. It seems like I'm only able to maintain a friendship with someone who either shares my strong interests and passions (not the 'weak' ones), or if I'm performing some activities with someone almost all the time and doing not much more than that (such as bicycle riding, etc, etc).

I also noticed that most of the people seem to talk about irrelevant bull***t all the time, and yet enjoy it. And I also noticed that this is the basis for their socializing (this would also explain why I can (more or less) maintain a friendship when this basis is replaced with activities or 'strong common interests').

So my question is, what are you supposed to talk about with other people, and what are you supposed to base the friendship on? It seems like people are able to find anything to talk about when they get together, but I'm only able to find something to talk about when I have something to talk about.



MakaylaTheAspie
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Location: O'er the land of the so-called free and the home of the self-proclaimed brave. (Oregon)

08 Aug 2011, 8:51 am

Thee's nothing in the book of life that says you have to be social. If you don't enjoy what people are talking about, then what's the point? I would pat you on the back for wanting to try though. :)


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Hi there! Please refer to me as Moss. Unable to change my username to reflect that change. Have a nice day. <3


pollyfinite
Deinonychus
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Age: 52
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08 Aug 2011, 9:32 am

yeah, you just have to find the right people. I have two good friends. We use each other for information.


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Northeastern292
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08 Aug 2011, 3:25 pm

I chat with friends about multiple things: the weather, movies, TV shows, etc.



anneurysm
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08 Aug 2011, 4:43 pm

Other people seem to base the friendship around interest in each other's lives (whether it's genuine or not, they at least have to fake it) and the world around them. A lot of the talk is about the connection they have in common and things related to it, peppered with social niceties (e.g, how are you, responding to the other person's emotional state).

The less of a connection they have with you, the more the social niceties come into play, and the more standard of interests (or those the other person believes you have) come into play. Standard interests would be pets, the weather, your family, your job, etc, rather than something very obsure and specific. A potential friend will more likely talk about the above things rather than a special interest unless you know each other well.

They state the obvious all the time (e.g 'nice day we're having') and I think that's total crap too, but luckily you only have to cut through this crap only a little bit in order to be successfully social. Stick with people with strong shared interests so you'll have to have to do it less.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.