I really do not get how the NT social mind works

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I really do not get it. It seems that NTs lack the social talents that I have that make me a better person. Like I know how to be a dear, honest, trusting, reliable, life-long friend, but NTs don't seem to want that out of someone. If they did, then I would have been really popular. I just don't get it, because if NTs are supposed to be more social people, I would have thought that they'll know better to actually have these talents already, rather than to lack these talents. Most NTs seem to lack talents like avoiding conflict, for example. I'm not saying all, but most NTs seem to get the arseache with eachother and storm off in a mood, and then everybody gets upset and talks about the person who had stormed off. But I never, ever walk off in a huff, but people still would prefer those who do do these sorts of daft things. It seems to land them good friendships, whereas somebody sweet and happy to be someone's friend comes along, and people don't want to know.

It's just so ironic that me, as an Aspie with social impairments and anxieties, seem to know how to be a dear friend to somebody, and if got given the chance, would able to be a life-long friend without any major upsets, and the average NT seem to lack how to be a dear, honest, true friend, and yet they're the ones with the social abilities. I'm not saying NTs don't know how to be friends, because I've got dear, true friends who are NTs, but (even my mum said) people seem to turn, or let you down, or whatever. They have her before, and she's NT. But my Autistic friend never gets in moods with me or lets me down, ever.

I just don't get how NTs can be more bitchy and socially get away with it, yet an Aspie can be the most trusting, nicest, sweetest person you'll ever meet, and nobody wants us.

I think it's an impairment some people have. I swear they have executive dysfunction too. Everyone has an impairment.

Most autistic people think in black and whites (anything in-between is illogical). They either want the best relationship with someone, or no relationship at all. NTs would rather have a "half-relationship" with ppl, where they can argue and fight all they want, and then make up, and go through intervals of hating each other and then liking each other again. When ppl like us are nice all the time and never argue or fight, it is "creepy" and NTs don't want that kind of commitment.

Joe, it might interest you to learn that I read somewhere that the bigger a liar someone is, the more popular they are.

That is likely why we suck at making friends, we couldn't learn to lie to someones face while called them names behind their backs :p

People say they want the truth, but they really don't...have you ever heard the statement made that when people ask opinions, they do not really want your opinions, but your approval of their opinion?

People are self-centered and egocentric, it is impossible for most people to have any idea that something exists that doesn't include them...and that also goes for Copernicus.

There was a guy in my chemistry class during lab would talk the whole time with his lab partner, I dont know if he was NT or what but he was also really good at chemistry also. He seemed like a natural talker too. All his stories had a bit of real life thought in them, like his thinking while something was happening. He was talking about how he was getting into a car and how all the people who were being put in were creating a lot of weight on the suspension and how the convertible took up space so they had to really crunch in. Maybe he was having a good connection with the guy idk but it was crazy.

I find I am not too honest, but I'm honest as a friend. Like say if somebody told me a secret, I would promise to not tell anybody else, and I wouldn't, even if there was an opportunity. So say if A told me that he had got a new job but didn't want me to tell anyone, then an hour later B came upto me and asked, ''has A found a new job yet?'', I would say, ''no'' or ''I don't know'', and I am also good at acting like I don't know either. That's an example of what I mean.

But I think I've found the true reason why I've often struggled:-
It seems that most NTs can lay between assertiveness and friendliness. They can be assertive to avoid getting walked over and considered a ''mug'', but can still be really friendly and likable at the same time. Assertiveness and friendliness mixed together breeds respect, I suppose. I think Aspies seem to be one or the other. We can either be too assertive (see thread http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp3895258 ... t=#3895258), or too friendly and sweet, which means people start to ''own'' us to try and get their way. I'm not assertive at all (even though I can see right through people all the time), and the reason why I'm not assertive at all is because I fear conflict. So this is why I'm easily led. NTs probably see me as a dork, and somebody they can use to keep under their thumb (even though they are fooled because I have actually already sussed them out, but they don't know that because I am a dork on the outside). So in that case, I can't be that honest, because if I say ''yess'' mostly to people all the time, sometimes I probably want to say ''no'' to some things, but find it hard, and so I just have to say ''yes'', and go along their way.

Seems a lot of NT's need to be entertained with heavy sarcasm, gossip, and mud slinging. That and a lot of bitching and moaning about trivial stuff for pure entertainment. People who are too nice and pleasant and unassuming are boring. At least that was how it was in college.

I remember in 8th grade the counselor was giving this stupid lecture on "normal peer relationships" and I remember "gossip" was one of the things she described as a normal peer relationship, and having a boyfriend/girlfriend. From my point of view, she was basically telling us that we needed to go and find someone to get into fights with and gossip about and make up, because that is what "normal peer relationships" are. I didn't listen most of the time, because in a previous lecture she was telling us to stay away from sex, so I don't understand.

My sister-in-law and her adult daughter have always had a relationship where they yell at each other, turn away in a huff yelling over her should with the other following and yelling, throw unbreakables etc. Then, suddenly, they stop. One says: "Cribbage?" The other says, "Okay." And they sit down like best buddies, laughing at each other's jokes etc.

They know I don't understand what they're doing. The last time one of them yelled at the other, my sil said, "We can't do that now." Her daughter looked at her like she was nuts, and she nodded in my direction. "Oh!" the daughter said, and slapped a smile on her face. She said to me, "It's okay. We're cool."

And I still don't understand.

There is more to NT friendships than just loyalty and kindness, if that were the case then there would be no need for world peace.
Anyway young NT's have friendships for selfish reasons. They want to be friends with the ones who garner the most respect and idolization in kinda of a "look who I know" kinda way. These friendships are filled with battles because there is a powerplay involved to being the top dog. Friendships to young teen-20's NT's is all about power and a battle for the best mating choices. The most beautiful and queenish girl gets a wider mating selection than a doctile, well behaved girl. For men the most powerful athleticly and socially gets the widest selection. All the powerplay fighting is for reasons that they dont understand, they just do it on a more instictive level. Those who are doctile and dont fight are seen as weak, thus are not the kind of person they want to assocate with in the climb for mating selection.

Battle stricken, all this dies down after mid 30's and people learn to cherish qualities like you have.
However some like politians are like silver back apes and never stop their quest for mating selection.

It is all bioloical.

hope that explains it,

Jojo