NT mindgames

Post Reply New Topic

Let me get the ball rolling.

Asking "how are you?" and only ever preparing for a positive "oh I'm good!"

pretending they're interested in what you did over the weekend.

"laughing things off" when in an awkward subject

avoiding any deep meaningful conversation lest their stupidity be revealed

Talking about the weather (a lot)

GO

But I am interested, otherwise I wouldn't ask. Although, sometimes I ask because I'm itching to tell them what I did over the weekend.



It's more of a "not normal" thing that's to be avoided and there's a lot of room for conflict that many prefer avoiding.

Last edited by swbluto on 08 Aug 2011, 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've said this before and I'll say it again. I don't really think "How are you?" and replying "I'm good" is really any sort of mind game or anything. It is just sort of a 'test script' people use to verify that a clear, two-way communication channel has been established. Think about it in terms of a phone, if the phone line connection were really bad and you couldn't get past the "How are you" part of a conversation and then you know not to waste the minutes trying to have a conversation with that person because there is a problem with the phone line. When someone replies off-script to "How are you?" it is a good sign that communication might be difficult. Computer protocols do the exact same thing when establishing internet connections (read about SYN/ACK).

"Have a good one" I want to know what I am having a good one of?

Last edited by Radiofixr on 08 Aug 2011, 12:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I refuse to standardise "good" as answer to "how are you?" as I refuse to contribute to the further inflation of the word "good." Good is better than average, so there would have to be something especially good to be good.

Sadly, I still submit to social pressure in some situations (it's too tiring to explain it to everybody) but my friends have gotten used to it.

And whatever it is you are supposed to have a 'good one' of you are only alloted one! No seconds!

I think many NT's have a fixed social methodology. There are some things that we just will have a hard time getting, because we're wired differently. Over the years I've become afraid to say things out of having someone cease all relations with me.

That's it exactly. What an excellent analogy.

Whatever you want.

Why try to make sense of something that has no correlation to its literal meaning? The point of this phrase isn't to refer to any specific object. It's the equivalent of saying God bless you", or "I hope things turn out well for you" or "Good luck". It's the social opposite of saying "f**k off ass hole". But if someone says "f**k off ass hole" are you going to assume they are referring to anal sex ?

I love the way things are explained on this site, because /that/ makes sense to me. I mean, I've come to understand that no, they aren't really interested in a real answer, but that was purely a rote rule. Most things that are continued are giving some kind of benefit to the thing that is continuing it, but I'd never been able to guess what that benefit could be.

A good day/evening/*insert time period here*. Usually said when parting company to indicate that the person speaking wishes you to enjoy your time after you part company.
The appropriate response is "Thanks, you too" or variations of such.

I never thought I would one day understand the meaning of that question. Thanks, that actually made some sense to me.

The NT mind game that is most confusing and upsetting to me is verbal irony. I am 54 and quite above average IQ, but I only came to understand this communication devise exists in the last year. In case you haven't yet, it involves saying the exact opposite of what you mean. But unlike sarcasm which uses a different voice inflection than if you meant what you said, verbal irony does not involve any obvious change in inflection. The listener is supposed to get the meaning by some other means - theory of mind, mind reading I guess.

So someone asks, "how do you like my hair cut?" and the verbal ironic answer would be
"Oh, it looks great!" said just like the person really meant it but the listener understands the the exact opposite is really meant.

I used to suspect that something like this was going on and even asked a close friend once if people use a secret code and say the opposite of what they mean. She said "no" but I guess she was being ironic.

Now that I have come to understand it, I still can't know if people are doing it or not, except by asking and hoping they will be truthful. But I had an interesting experience recently in which I said something to someone and his response clued me in that HE had taken MY meaning to be ironic: It was a shopkeeper and another store of similar wares had opened up across town, the only two in the county. Innocently and totally genuinly, I said, "Oh, you must be happy to have another dispensary in the county." (My thought was that it indicated their wares are more popular and they could each be filling different nitches in a growing market) He replyed, "Oh no! I really am happy about it!"

Now I wonder how many times in life someone has taken my meaning to be the ironic opposite of what I meant. Maybe that is why I lost so many friends over my undiagnosed life!

I find it difficult to start a conversation with people that I do not know well. Talking about the weather is a common starting point in Britain, where the weather is very interesting and unpredictable. I was at a total loss when I moved to Dubai where the weather is 99% likely to be hot and sunny. The reply would always be "Yes, it's another b!00dy nice day".

Good one.

With regards to talking about the weather, I understand that it's just a way of breaking the ice (no pun intended), but it's difficult for me because I just don't follow the weather. I never watch weather reports nor do I ever know what the temperature is.