Did your parents ever put you in a mental hospital?

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I'm really scared, and need help. I'm the mom of a teenage boy with AS who puts holes in the wall when he gets really angry. We have some confrontations over his OCD behaviors. The worst thing that he does is scream "leave me alone" or "I will kill you" or put his fist into a wall. He has never hurt me, his sister, his dad, or our pets. He has never hurt himself. But when he gets angry and loud, especially at night, his dad threatens to call 911 to have him taken to the hospital. Last night he came very close to doing it after my son put another hole in the wall.

I am so scared for my son. He would be devasted if he were taken to the hospital. He knows he gets too angry and wishes he could control it. I don't think parents should call 911 on their kids unless they are a danger to themself or another person, or their pets. A hole in the wall is NOT a reason to call 911. I think my husband just wants to use the experience to punish our son. Also, my husband and I basically hate each other these days, and I think he is just angry all the time about his AS son. Any advice?

I don't know what to tell you; that sounds like a really tough situation.

But, to answer the question, no. I could be wrong, but I don't even think my parents have ever considered it.

You are very right. Punching a hole in a wall is no reason to hospitalize anyone. If he's autistic and in the middle of a meltdown he still has enough control to aim at a wall rather than punch randomly and wildly at anything in range, then he's doing very well.

I've been in a mental ward after I was taken to the emergency room due to self-injury. I stayed there for ten days the first time; three days the second time. Neither time helped me at all.

What it is like there is just simply boring--very boring and very unfamiliar. The treatment you get tends to be medication. I got six different medications, two antipsychotics included, and they made me feel so tired and like I couldn't think. When, a month later, I couldn't get the medication anymore and had to go off it, I immediately improved because I was able to think and try to solve my problems.

You don't get therapy. Well, they say you get therapy; but what you really get are people who come in and give you paper and crayons (not pencils; never pencils; those are "dangerous") and tell you to draw something. They call that "art therapy". Or they'll sit you at a table and get you to play Bingo and call that "therapy". They had us watch an old scratchy videotape of somebody burbling on about relaxation exercises, which I had learned ages ago and which were so simple you could have learned them from a five-minute lesson.

Other than that, what it is, is just sitting there for ages and ages, in a place where you can't predict anything, staring at the television and listening to people complaining that they can't smoke and the nicotine patches aren't good enough. The television is always turned to stupid daytime shows, too; nothing interesting--no discovery channel, no science documentaries, not even the news. They check on you every five minutes, and you can't get any privacy; so you always feel like there are people close by, pressing in on you and trying to smother you, so you can never be alone; only you're even more alone than you ever were, because nobody there is anybody you know.

The only reason to go to a mental ward is if you are in a psychological state that is a hazard to your life. If that is the case, then they can try to keep you from hurting yourself or doing something really stupid because you aren't thinking straight. But don't expect them to help you get any better. What they will do is give you medication until you aren't in danger any more, and then send you home. Sometimes it's only because you are so drugged on the medication that you can't think well enough to hurt yourself. Other times, like with me, it's because you learned that they weren't going to help you and decided to act like they wanted you to act--going to inane groups, sitting and watching TV rather than reading in your room--so that they would let you out.

Your son may need help; but he isn't going to get it in a mental ward. BTW: "I will kill you", said by a teenager, is an expression of anger, not homicidal intent. I know, because I said it myself, and I only said it because I was frustrated and desperate and wanted to be left alone, and I was trying to think of something extreme and scary enough to make them leave. If your son is like this, then I would worry more about his frustration and anger than about the specific words he uses to express it. When he is that angry, he is probably near-meltdown and, if he is like me, incapable of choosing which words to use and being quite unable to choose ones that express what he is thinking while still taking into account social norms. By the time I am like that, I am not too far from losing words entirely and ending with incoherent wailing.

Incidentally, those "OCD behaviors", depending on what they are, may actually be helpful to him. Some of our "obsessive" tendencies help us stay organized and get things done, such as the way I keep lists and planners everywhere so I can remember what to do and in what order to do it in; and how I keep everything in its designated place. Without those strategies, I wouldn't be able to live on my own and take care of myself. I can also get pretty involved in my special interests--very absorbed; difficult to switch away. It can almost feel like being dunked in cold water when someone disturbs me. Suddenly trying to pull someone away from a special interest can feel to them like being attacked. Special interests, as you know, serve a very useful purpose to the autistic mind; they help us calm ourselves, use our talents, regulate stress, and generally manage living in an out-of-control world. As your son grows, he will probably learn to make better use of them, and may enter a career related to them. But they do take up an awful lot of time; and that can be problematic. Learning to schedule one's time is a very difficult thing, and as a teenager, I was horrible at doing it. I still am. That's why I have so many reminders. Just to get out of bed I have two alarm clocks and a cat who knows that if he nudges me out of bed, he gets a treat. Even then it takes me half an hour on average.

So yeah... I honestly would not recommend hospitalization for an autistic person who is not in life-threatening danger. Your son may have an intimate knowledge of how to patch holes in walls before he learns how to predict and control his meltdowns, to find a private place while he is still only stressed out, before they start. But holes in walls aren't the end of the world and I doubt there's any teenage boy who hasn't left at least one hole in something.

Last edited by Callista on 07 Aug 2011, 7:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

*cough* *cough*

That's Deja-vu all over again for me. I was the screaming kid.

My core arguments behind each confrontation escape me, but they typically involved my math text books. Holding back tears, I would shriek thru clenched teeth that those books insulted my intelligence, disseminated false knowledge, and promoted grotesque naivety of the world. (The funny thing is, after earning my bachelors in mechanical engineering and my FE license, and looking back thru those books I have the EXACT SAME assessment now as I did then.) In that regard, even while subjected to torment exceeding our self-control, our powers of analysis perception are not to be taken lightly.

But the reason I call it Deja-vu, is that while my mother sought to sooth and suppress my anger, my father sought to fight it with the so-called "criminal justice system". He had the local sheriff's number bookmarked and circled in the phone book. (I should have burned that page in secret.) In our numerous arguments, he called that number on two occasions, and would have called it more times if my hands had not been so quick. He once tried to call the sheriff because I had taped a door handle shut to try to get some privacy so I could relax. I got adept at phone-snatching because I had to just to keep out of jail, threatened by the whim of an authoritarian who believed wholeheartedly that the cops were his personal henchmen. He didn't believe in me. I had to learn to do that on my own.

Thank you. I'm just so worried I feel like adrenaline is rushing in me day and night. My son's OCD behaviors include the typical handwashing and repetitive keyboard wiping, but the big one is his butt-wiping, if I can say this on this board. He makes me wipe him because he doesn't want to get bacteria on himself, then insists that I do it over and over again b/c its not perfect. People are horrified to hear of it. Its humiliating for me. I don't want to talk about it. I have described it to 3 doctors and each time I feel their eyes bearing down on me as if I'm an axe murderer. So when I'm in the middle of my son's OCD I tend to complain to him, which is what is leading to lots of angry blow-ups. He regressed somehow 2 years ago, when starting middle school. Very sad.

Hmm, I think that was an unintentional double-entendre... oh, well, I suppose if you get a laugh out of it, that's OK with me

I agree Fatalnoogie--why can't parents express love for their kids after these blow-ups? Aside from his OCD andanger flare-ups, my son does not do anything else that is illegal, outrageous, embarassing, or "crazy." He spends his summer playing WoW on his computer, playing his drums, and watching the six seasons of Lost that I bought on DVD (one of my aspie obsessions). He is a clever, funny and intense kid who just can't get past these other problems, and while I am very frustrated by them, I love my son. His dad seems to distance himself from him more and more. He is cold and judgmental. it sucks.

Yes, twice. Both times I just came back worse. The staff had a LITTLE understanding of classic autism when I was first admitted at nine years old but the stupid shrink wanted to drug me up instead of handling the bullies. When I was admitted again at sixteen, the staff knew NOTHING about autism and I was often having to explain it to them. I came back worse both times anyway and am STILL having nightmares.

hmm... to be blunt but not rude, you REALLY need to stop this now. Just refuse to carry on. He'll go nuts, I know so did I when people stopped doing my OCD compulsions for me, but the only way to cure an OCD obsession is to learn to cope with it. I was diagnosed with severe OCD in my teens. I never had a butt wiping thing, but I do know that if my Mum had done half of the things I 'needed' her to do, I would never have got better. Sorry if that sounded rude I was not intending to be.

As for the hospitalisation, I was put in hospital but that was when I was genuinely ill and threatened my Mum with a screwdriver. I know I wouldn't have done anything with it apart from maybe harm myself but it was enough to push her over the edge. If his OCD is as bad as you say though it might be necessary to put him in hospital for a short term to try and find something that helps. You don't get your butt wiped in those places and you soon find out that screaming and punching holes in walls doesn't help either. It changed me a lot for the better... once the fear of being returned there left...

I used trash room and break things in anger, it was just frustration... As he hasn't hurt you or others I believe he will learn how to deal with these feelings and the anger will decrease, many teenages threaten to kill someone again it's not true threat, it's something you say in anger. Putting him in a mental hospital is the worse thing you can do IMO, it will only make him worse and the experience will shape his life in the future, he may end up resenting you for putting him there.

He should study in another city

There is a middle ground of behavior treatment. Your son needs to go talk to a counselor/ psychiatrist/ psychologist and try some medication. And as parents you need some professional support. Autism can be a serious condition and a family cannot be expected to deal with it entirely by themselves.

When I was a teenager I punched a few holes in my bedroom wall, too. Perhaps you should get him a punching bag so he can get his frustration out without damaging anything. I think it's pretty common for any boy to do this, Asperger's or not.

At one time it was debated, when I was very young. I was showing all the signs of a sociopath. Though, I was only acting that way to become popular, and it worked. Very, very well.

But I stopped that because my morality prevented me from continuing that.

Anyway, I didn't go.

Well I would agree that a hole in the wall is not a reason to call 911, and I am not the best at advice but maybe get him a punching bag or something he can hit without damaging anything. Also I don't want to claim to know your situation but if your husband and you basically hate each other these days and he's angry because his son has a mental condition he did not choose to have and wants to punish him for it........I would think about if this is a healthy family relationship or an unhealthy family relationship. Maybe some family counseling could help.