"something is missing from my brain"

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Do you ever get this?

Often i go up to a group of people or I go to some gathering, and I feel completely unable to say anything
as if I have a "hole in my brain"...
I just stand there with a dorky smile on my face until it gets too awkward then I go on my own.

Also, with things that require coordination or remembering things, like tying a knot or something,
I completely forget how and it takes me a really long time to figure out.

Another thing, following verbal directions,
or making chit chat with someone who speaks in a way that your ears just can't process,
I know some people who talk in this way,
and it's like theyre speaking in a forein language that only quoteunquote 'neurotypicals' understand...

It's like there's a 'void' that all these things go into, a complete blank space.

I liken it to the song.. "The Silent Witness" by Officium Triste ...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX4kQmDiOQU[/youtube]
"I cannot find the missing pieces of this puzzle"

It often makes me despair over my 'disability' aspect of having autism even tho I know I'm 'smart' it makes me think so negatively in these situations that worsens on top of meaningless chronic depression...

Anyways, enough monologuing...

Who feels this way?

Everything you described, yes.

Oh, yes...

If there isn't anyone in the group that knows me, then I seem to go mute, unable to approach, or like you said, dorky smile... Then Retreat.

My Memory is wierd, I find I can remember the smallest detail of a survey I heard more then a year ago on the radio, but I can't remember the things I went to the grocery store for. I have actually had some luck remembering the number of things and then working out what they were when needed... I need 3 things from the store, then working out they are Milk, eggs, and butter once I'm there.

As for strange foreign English, my rule is if I have to say "What?" more then twice, then I just try and smile and nod like I understood, hopefully it wasn't a question asked, and they will move on to their next point.

I've been despairing over that exact point for some time now. It makes wonder how clever I could be if everyone just left me alone! Not trying to be narcissistic or anything.

At Primary I was a rather stupid kid, though all the teachers said I was bright I couldn't figure out why, none of the kids liked me and I could never get any work done.

Then at college (New Zealand highschool) I would think of something when alone at home, share it with my teacher the next day and they would tell me it's brilliant, but if they asked me the simplest question in a class full of people I would get... well a hole in the brain!

Good to know its not just me again this website astounds me

Oh ya definitely. The funny thing is I didn't realize this "hole" until a couple years ago. I just kept telling myself that people are all "different" and I was just rather extremely different. Now I look back and feel amazed that I didn't realize earlier. About half the time I don't know what people are talking about. Yes I heard every word but my brain couldn't put them together, especially if they talked fast, I was distracted or tired. Oh and I dread talking to children, they're so hard to understand and expect so much from adults. Real, worthwhile conversations only happen with patient, understanding people who share some of my interests.

I'm still surprised all the time about what other people think or like to do. They don't make much sense to me. I actually have a special interest in observing people and the way they live (like animals in zoo). The food they eat, the way they put furniture in their houses, how they dress and clean up...etc. I can never be tired of observing other people, and I'm sure they think I'm creepy. Oh that's for real people only, I don't watch TV.

I believe it's due to not having enough RAM.

I just now scribbled a surreal doodle to show how I feel about my missing piece...

If I'd had the missing piece to begin with, I never would have practiced art to express what I couldn't say in words.
Now i have a tool that my adversaries don't.
I see things they don't.
I create things they don't.

^ You kick ass.

Or working memory.

Also, a lot of us aren't interested enough in chit chat to know what to say.

Same. I get depressed really often, but now I think about the depression being a meaningless response by my brain, and it usually goes away after about half an hour.



But why did you have to make your creation so scary-looking? :P

I suppose for the same reason Officium Triste made their music "scary-sounding".
It's not actually meant to be scary-looking. It's just meant to demonstrate an emotional concept by surreal imagery.
I draw pretty things too.

That picture is f*****g awesome

You would still have your tallents even if you had all of the pieces. So, you cant assume that you wouldn't have found a way to practice your art anyway.

I learned to draw people because I couldn't speak to them, and they wouldn't speak to me.
If I had had the missing piece, I would have known what to say. Then I would have spent my time talking, not drawing.
Talent means nothing. Practice is everything.

I actually rarely feel like there's a missing piece, but there are times that I do. My default state, though it is solidly impaired, doesn't actually make me feel like there's anything missing.

If I hit high enough stress that I go mute, that's a situation I'll feel like there's a piece missing.

I don't understand how NTs always have something or the other to talk about but when it comes to me I've to try hard to keep small talk going and I give up too soon if I am getting bored.

Like today a man at work saw a stranger in the military uniform and just started a random conversation about how his daughter was in the force and their conversation just seemed to flow easily.