Worst possible time to figure it out..

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I'm an Air Force Staff Sergeant who's recently figured out that I may have AS. Of course, getting a formal diagnosis would be tantamount to career suicide, so I may never really know officially, and there doesn't appear to be any real treatment from what I am reading, so it would be pointless to risk my career over it.

I recently returned from a deployment (And a divorce during it) and I honestly thought I might have PTSD at first because I did see quite a few casualties as part of my job and had a few near misses with indirect fire (And for obvious reasons, I can't say what that is or where I am stationed...). But then I realized that the problems I have with people, reading emotions, nonverbal communication, literal interpretation of things...they have always been there, they caused problems for me in school, ect.

I do have to ask, does it really get any better once you are aware of it? Honestly I always thought my problems were just a case of being a jerk, uncaring, ect. The funny part is, with my job, I have done very well, even if it requires a ton of communication, but when I get off duty...I just want to go drink, not go out, not face people, I have a huge fear of ultimate rejection from people now. I won't go to a bar alone because it's wierd, and honestly I am not religious so that's not an option...and when I combine the fact that my marriage dominated my life for 2 years, all my old friends have moved on to other bases.

Of course, the idea of seeking treatment is a non-starter, I have considered talking to a Chaplin despite being an atheist just because at least there is some confidentiality there.

Anyone find out they have AS in a similar situation (Cops, Pilots, Ect...) where they have to keep it hidden? Well, at least now I know how gay service members have felt, having to keep something they can't help hidden for fear of discharge.

Last edited by SLCrunk on 11 Aug 2011, 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

As you obviously can't reveal your suspicions, I would try to look up as much as you can on ASDs and determine what areas you are struggling with and looking up/finding strategies for coping with them. Socially, their may be a specific type of person who may be easier to get along with (such as people who are generally very formal/military or just naturally very relaxed). I know a few people who were in the military and went to college after their service. This might be a good option for you to get re-acclimated to civilian life once you are done with your service. I hope that if anything happens to you that may be an ASD symptom wise can be passed off as PTSD if it comes up before you are done.

I agree that I do tend to get along more with the more relaxed types and stricter types as well for whatever reason. As for college, the plan right now is to get out and go to school when my enlistment is up in a year. The school I got into is a fairly good liberal arts college to study history, which has always been my "Special Interest", but I am somewhat concerned that because I am older (In my late 20's by the time I graduate) and former military, and not from the wealthy background that most of the students are (I can only afford to go because of the GI bill combined with the school's yellow ribbon program). Add AS into the mix and it might not work well.

However the state college I am going to part time while I am in doesn't seem any better, it feels very big and alienating compared to the fairly tight-knit community of the military and to be honest I have nothing in common with the local community here. I think a liberal arts college might be more familiar. I do plan to stay a reservist though, simply because I do enjoy my job, and oddly enough I don't mind the deployments much either, maybe because they force me to socialize and be close to people when I otherwise wouldn't.

I just figured out I belonged here last September, at the age of fifty-one. Being aware of it won't make it go away - but it does allow you to learn about it, think about your own issues, and try to think of ways to cope with them. So, yes, I've made more progress in the last year than in the previous fifty-one, in terms of the things that always baffled me and tripped me up. But the world does not even understand that they don't understand us, so I can't say everything will be great now.

You're in an awful situation, and I wish I could help you more. But all I can do is answer your question, and thank you for what you've gone through to protect the rest of us.

I know several people in the US that are active duty military and on the spectrum. One served 4 deployments and is preparing for his 5th. He is an army nurse. He was diagnosed before entering the military. His buddy was home between deployments and was diagnosed then. He is still getting deployed with his team, but will have a different duty.

So, don't necessarily sell your colleagues short.

If you're in touch with your parents, maybe talk to them and see if you displayed any traits when you were a kid.

That might at least help you determine whether the things you're dealing with now are autistic traits or something more recent. It sounds like you've seen a lot, so it might help you discount certain things if you can't get a more formal diagnosis.

I've been wondering if I might be on the autism spectrum recently, but when I spoke to my parents they said they thought I was pretty normal as a kid...has me wondering if my tics etc. might be the product of something else. In your case, I think it's probably worth investigating - especially since the military likely has programs designed to deal with the effects of trauma that won't hurt your career.

Just my two cents.

being aware allows you to find out how you specifically are impacted (this differs from person to person) and how to cope with that; you wont change who you are, if you kept it hidden this far, you will be able to keep it hidden again.
you already made the first step, this site is an exellent place to start finding out how to cope with your problems, although they aren't that bad, apperantly, since you lived with it this far.

as for talking to the chaplin; that might do a lot of good, i found i felt a lot better when i found a new psycologist after years of cropping up, just by talking about it.
dont worry about being an atheist, almost every chaplin is willing to listen, whoever you are.