Amazing how nobody likes you, even if you're attractive

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johnnydangerous
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06 Aug 2011, 12:44 pm

Physically I'm an attractive dude, but it doesnt seem to matter. Women initially talk to me and make comments about my appearence (you're cute, or he's cute to their friend etc.). But...then they notice you act a bit "quirky" and you can see the wheels turn in their heads. "What would my friends think? I can't associate with this guy" is what I imagine they think.

You can look like Tom Cruise, and it won'tr matter if you have AS. Nobody is going to like you.

It amazes me how instead of saying "Wow, he's unique AND handsome, I want to get to know this guy!" they say "Oh...well he's cute but he doesn't act like everyone else. He doesn't act THE SAME WAY like all my other fake friends, so I think I'll pass on him".

People are so predictable, and in a sad way. Despite being physically attractive, and personable in my way, I'll never find a woman to love me. I think that's sad, especialy when you see some of the ugly dudes (inside and out) picking up chicks left and right because they understand the weird "social rules" and I don't. They know when to look away, when to blink, and I don't.

I feel like I don't belong here. :(



nilescrane
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06 Aug 2011, 12:47 pm

My brother is NT and has the same problem. He's introverted, a good man, but has no "game" and God forbid isn't full of himself...so they check him out, like his looks, but go on a date with him and lose interest because he isn't a douchebag.



johnnydangerous
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06 Aug 2011, 1:02 pm

nilescrane wrote:
My brother is NT and has the same problem. He's introverted, a good man, but has no "game" and God forbid isn't full of himself...so they check him out, like his looks, but go on a date with him and lose interest because he isn't a douchebag.


Yup, you hit the nail right on the head. And I hate that word so much, the word "game". Because that's all it is A STUPID GAME. And they never grow out of it. When I was younger, I used to think once women got past 16 or 17 they'd be out of that stage. HAHA, what a joke.

People tell me I have to change who I am to get a good woman. No thanks. I REFUSE. If there is anything that exceded my depression, it's my stubborness. I REFUSE TO CHANGE to appease the simpleton masses who are so easily influenced and brainwashed by the media on what type of guy they are "supposed" to like.

I'll stay who I am. But...it's so tough at the time. :(



nilescrane
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06 Aug 2011, 1:04 pm

How old are you?



johnnydangerous
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06 Aug 2011, 1:08 pm

nilescrane wrote:
How old are you?


I'm 34. I'll never get married, or have kids. I've accepted it. But the loneliness gets to you.



gnatterfly
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06 Aug 2011, 1:09 pm

As a female aspie I can tell you, it's the same with dudes. Guys check me out, tell me I'm sexy or hot and all that BS..then I open my mouth...
They think I'm easy and cute because I am so child-like. Their chick friends check me out with disdain (I don't dress much a like a NT girl..no make-up, I don't get my hair or nails done etc.) The guy in question will start chatting with his guy friends and I assert myself. I add my intelligent and educated insight and the whole group looks at me like I have 5 heads! Then the male in question will slowley distance himself from me....thank goodness I married a man on the spectrum!! !

I feel your pain though. I am attractive and get told that a lot. You would think the ideal woman would have a great body, pretty face and an incredible intellectual capacity and sense of humor to boot!! Apparently NOT!


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nilescrane
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06 Aug 2011, 1:09 pm

What happens when you go on dates with women or hang out with women that find you attractive? Like what do they say?



Avengilante
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06 Aug 2011, 1:13 pm

AS does not prevent you from forming relationships or dating or even just hooking up. Lack of confidence and self esteem do that. Just because we don't 'have game' doesn't mean people won't like you. Some will like you BECAUSE you don't play the usual games. I understand that its more difficult for us to make those kinds of connections (and it is), but blaming your autism and giving up is just using it as an excuse.


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nilescrane
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06 Aug 2011, 1:28 pm

Avengilante wrote:
AS does not prevent you from forming relationships or dating or even just hooking up. Lack of confidence and self esteem do that. Just because we don't 'have game' doesn't mean people won't like you. Some will like you BECAUSE you don't play the usual games. I understand that its more difficult for us to make those kinds of connections (and it is), but blaming your autism and giving up is just using it as an excuse.


I disagree. NTs, especially NT women, are adept at sensing something's "off"...almost like anti-pheromones...and will almost instantly cause lack of interest and attraction, regardless of confidence level. The OP is lucky he's not one of the guys like myself that gets labeled "creepy" or "weird" just for merely existing and being in a woman's line of sight. His looks probably delay that, but in the end he's in the same place as the rest of us.



bruinsy33
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06 Aug 2011, 1:39 pm

johnnydangerous wrote:
Physically I'm an attractive dude, but it doesnt seem to matter. Women initially talk to me and make comments about my appearence (you're cute, or he's cute to their friend etc.). But...then they notice you act a bit "quirky" and you can see the wheels turn in their heads. "What would my friends think? I can't associate with this guy" is what I imagine they think.

You can look like Tom Cruise, and it won'tr matter if you have AS. Nobody is going to like you.

It amazes me how instead of saying "Wow, he's unique AND handsome, I want to get to know this guy!" they say "Oh...well he's cute but he doesn't act like everyone else. He doesn't act THE SAME WAY like all my other fake friends, so I think I'll pass on him".

People are so predictable, and in a sad way. Despite being physically attractive, and personable in my way, I'll never find a woman to love me. I think that's sad, especialy when you see some of the ugly dudes (inside and out) picking up chicks left and right because they understand the weird "social rules" and I don't. They know when to look away, when to blink, and I don't.

I feel like I don't belong here. :(
Perhaps you should be focusing on ''quirky'' girls ..There are certainly many quirky ,attractive women out there ..I don't think you have to change anything at all about YOU but you may have to change the kind of women that you are hoping to attract..



swbluto
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06 Aug 2011, 1:44 pm

gnatterfly wrote:
I feel your pain though. I am attractive and get told that a lot. You would think the ideal woman would have a great body, pretty face and an incredible intellectual capacity and sense of humor to boot!! Apparently NOT!


It depends largely on the guy. But, for most guys who don't have an incredible intellectual capacity to begin with (the larger the "Friend pack", the less likely it is.), it doesn't matter. And I get the feeling many intellectual guys get turned off by the "disdainful" intellectual types who idealize another type, like the poetic guy or something else, and associate it with intellectual women in general.



MollyTroubletail
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06 Aug 2011, 1:58 pm

I actually have "weirdness" as one of my turn-ons. I can't get interested in normal guys. Maybe you'll meet someone like me, who loves eccentricity and uniqueness. Plus I don't have any friends, so it's a moot point what my friends would think, and I can therefore do all my own thinking for myself.



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06 Aug 2011, 2:42 pm

Not everyone likes the same thing. Aspies can in fact have relationships. We have a whole forum here for love and dating :)

Personally, I'm a diagnosed aspie in a relationship with an undiagnosed aspie.



nemorosa
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06 Aug 2011, 2:49 pm

Like most things in life, meeting and attracting the right people is in large part a matter of luck; the right place at the right time. But you can improve your chances. Self pity gets you nowhere; people have a sense for that You must like yourself and be comfortable with who and what you are. This may sound like empty and hollow advice, and perhaps it is, since none of this can be taught or explained easily.



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06 Aug 2011, 3:02 pm

If one is to judge me for being socially awkward, I wouldn't want to associate myself with them anyway.


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nilescrane
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06 Aug 2011, 3:22 pm

SammichEater wrote:
If one is to judge me for being socially awkward, I wouldn't want to associate myself with them anyway.


Exactly.

I actually cut off all contact with a male friend that often judged me for being socially awkward and thought he was better than me.