Understanding NT female friends

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I am at a loss here and I need abit of help in understanding the behaviour of NT female friends and their obsession with gossip and drama and they way you act. I have two friends who at the moment are so hard to understand its beyond my level of thinking if you know what I mean. I have been threatened by this one NT female friend all because I didnt go over her place and have a coffee why? Why go out of your way to make one other persons life as uncomfortable as possible because that person didnt turn up to have a coffee with them I dont get the logic of it all, she is now being so vandictive she is bad naming me and putting me down to a piece of dirt on facebook and disgussing me to strangers and how bad I am and that I am Aspergers and talk about it all the time all because of something so trivial and silly, its like a storm in a tea cup shakes head. She got so upset because I couldnt understand what all the fuss was about in the first place and made no emotion or react in the way NTs normally do that she got so angrey she said she was sick to death of people with aspergers and hates me being Aspie why? She is so frustrated because I dont react in the way she wants me too and bite the way that NTs do it frustrates her and angers her she cant get to me the way she can to my other friend who reacts with such aggressive behaviour its disturbing and shes worse than me when I have my meltdowns. I am beyond understanding in this situation its beyond my capability of even understanding at all I have no idea. My other NT female friend who is a friend of this NT female also seems to have a problem with me being Aspergers as well and seems to down grade me to a piece of dirt and try and change my entire personality, behaviour and way of thinking and way of life to suit her like a control freak I am who I am and thats it I thought when I met them they would except me for me and not judge me for everything I do and for talking occassionally about my Aspergers. There have been situations which these two have dragged me into where I have had no understanding or concept of what was going on such as their constant gossiping about my other friends who have different disabilites from mental to physical disabilites and running them down and then when they see these friends they have just put down and gossiped about they are all nice and friendly too them I just dont get it. I dont appreciate getting told to harden the beep up everyday and stop acting the way I do all because they are not able to understand the reason why I do what I do and find it extremely annoying or frustrating I honestly dont get it. I only wish they would communicate with me about it and not to everyone else and put me down all because of the way I act and threaten me, abuse me all because I didnt go over this NT females house for a coffee and that I talk about Aspergers occassionally. I do not talk to my other friends who do understand me about my Aspergers,because they do accept me for who I am and understand my wierd behaviour at times and they help me to understand what is going on these two NT females on the other hand I have to constantly justify myself for the reason I have acted the way I did and explain about my Aspergers to try unsucessfully mind you to get them to understand but its not working. What am I to do? One of the NT female friends her mother in law also thinks the same thing and she is in her 60s and I have listened to her constructive critisums as a mature adult I have sat for ages trying to fully understand what she has said she feels that I go on to much about my aspergers and that she thinks Im doing it to get attention and that it gets rather repeatative and annoying hence the reason why this NT female said we are getting sick to death of you going on about your Aspie all the time. There are just some situations which I have no idea on how to construct myself on how to act, react or even what emotion or expression I am to do or take I sit there like a statue staring into space not knowing what to do next like a maniquine is it because of that, that makes them upset or what is it? or is it that I am not expressing any emotion to what they are doing and its frustrating them because Im not doing anything but staring into space and in my own world which they are constantly yelling at me to get out of. I tend to annalyas things alot instead of reacting with emotions the way people expect me to do which annoys them even more and they call me dumb and stupid because I didnt react emotionally like a NT would and I tend to annalyas alot I read between the lines and try and see what they are really saying. If anyone can shed some light on this one Id be happy to hear from you because I have no idea. I dont mean to sound stupid I just dont get it.
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After attempting to read the whole thing and getting lost 5 times, I'm going to suggest that the reason she is mad isn't because of the coffee, it's because you are a lot to deal with. Maybe she feels like she is your only friend, and because you didn't have coffee with her at her house, you are saying she isn't good enough to be your friend even though you don't have a lot of people in your corner. She probably feels like she stuck her neck out for you and you disrespected her.

This is why I'll never be friends with super-girly NT's...all they care about is stupid gossip and drama instead of the more beautiful things in life, like nature!

Maybe it is because they don't understand you.

Im quiet happy and content with not having any friends at all at least theres no complications, misunderstandings, lack of communication, dishonesty and dramas. I quiet enjoy the peace and surenaty of no trouble or drama to complicate my life it gives me time to concentrate on my hobbies alot more and do the things I like to do. I know this may seem selfish, but I do enjoy it that way and if I have disrespected her I have no remorse for doing so, disrespecting and putting down people with Aspergers syndrome should not be tolerated and putting me down to a piece of dirt and making me feeling worthless and not able to me isnt what I want in a friend I will not tolerate people who naturally hate people with disabilites and discriminate and put us down because we are different. le to me isnt what I want in a friend I will not tolerate people who naturally hate people with disabilites and discriminate and put us down because we are different.

So what exactly happened with the coffee situation? Did she phone you and invite you round and you said no? Did you give a reason why you didn't go round to her house?

I'm thinking that an NT girl wants to have a friend that will socialise with her and want to spend time with her. If you didn't give a reason she possibly felt hurt because you didn't want her company, she probably felt rejected.

If you gave her a reason like, "I'm sorry I can't today I'm busy doing x," then it would be unreasonable for her to object because friends can't be expected to just drop everything to spend time with another friend if they are busy. That's not reasonable.

If you said you would go round and forgot or just didn't turn up she would rightly be angry because you didn't do what you said you would and were unreliable. this would hurt because she would feel like you didn't care about her.

What did her mother-in-law say was the problem exactly? Can you think of something specific she said that you've done. It can't just be that you talk about Aspergers alot, it must be something deeper, surely?

I'm not defending her actions, what she did hurt you and that isn't right, but the reason she started discussing your behaviour with other people is possibly because she felt like she needed some understanding, some sympathy because she was hurt. She didn't get it from you, so went looking for some comfort elsewhere. She may also feel like no amount of talking to you about it will make you understand how she feels, so she needed to talk to other people about the situation in the hope of finding someone who would understand. She isn't doing this in a constructive way though, so you are right to feel upset. I'm just trying to figure out her motive.

Well that's just what NT women do. They have something to say or think about and they have to talk to everyone about it. I've been told many times by NT people that they'll tell me something I'm not supposed to know, that they're not supposed to say. When I ask if I can tell my husband, they say "OK." So much for keeping secrets.

I'm sure I have hurt people by refusing to have coffee or beer with them before. I was simply stating the fact that I don't drink coffee or beer. They probably took it as rejection. I wish I knew better than. It can be useful to keep a few NT friends. Now I only have weird friends.

If you really don't care about the friendship, just ignore her. Maybe try to find some people who are more like you to be friends.