Why does keeping hands by my sides make me look more awkward

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People say I should keep both my hands by my sides when standing somewhere in public (for example, when waiting for the bus or waiting outside a shop or meeting a friend somewhere). But when I do, it makes me feel like I look even more awkward when keeping my hands down by my sides. It makes anyone look awkward, even though it's advised to do so when nervous of crowds.
I don't flap my hands about or wave my arms or any of those things other Aspies do, but when I'm standing somewhere, I feel less awkward when I pretend to look for something in my bag, or touch my face, or even put one hand in my pocket and one hand on the strap of my handbag or something. It gives off more of a cool impression, rather than standing stiffly with my hands by my sides. It just makes me feel more awkward, if you know what I mean.

I just wonder why people advise me to do this when it really does not really work for anybody (walking is different - it is best to keep my hands moving by my sides whilst walking, but I'm talking about just standing about). I've even seen people slowly pace up and down in the bus station whilst waiting for a bus. (I don't do this.)

To normal people, suggesting they keep their hands by their sides encourages a state in which their hands are out of the way, but not looking paralysed.

To an aspie, the suggestion results in them looking like a cartoon robot. Don't ask me why - it just does.

There is a certain balance to be kept if one's going for perfection, for lack of a better description.

Both under-activity and over-activity are associated with awkwardness. You'd have to keep your hands by your sides just for the appropriate amount of time before pretending them to be busy with something, again merely for a limited amount of time that will be judged to be appropriate.

Spending "too much" time moving your hands is associated with nervousness and depending on what other signals go along may further be associated with awkwardness, insecurity or general anxiety.

It can be interpreted as a need to be preoccupied. Looking for something in your bag, being obviously occupied with straightening out your clothes, turning an object over in your hands you (pretend to) study can be interpreted to mean "stay away, I'm busy" "don't talk to me, I'm busy". That's basically positive if you are going for that non-verbal message exactly, but if other people (who know you) observe you declining interaction on most basic levels (looking at strangers to acknowledge them, paying attention to pass-byers) for a lengthy amount of time their attention might be attracted to you if they have nothing better to do.

They might try to figure out what they think is wrong with you and come up with random untrue stuff like "she's nervous and that's why she can't stop moving and calm down" or "she's insecure and tries to look occupied so that nobody will approach her".

Other people's impressions are such a nuisance sometimes.

Then again, some people are simply unnerved by someone who won't keep still for long. The prolonged movement goes on their nerves even when they just see it peripherally or just barely hear rustling and such.

I'm NT but I know what you mean. It's like a nerve thing. Most humans constantly want to be ''cool'' by making themselves look relaxed and not awkward.

You don't like to stand there still like a statue, but you don't want to be constantly moving your arms either. A little bit of both is appropriate. Folding your arms is also a good way of shaking of those looks. I normally fold my arms when standing about. It gives off a more relaxed impression, because it automatically gives you a good posture.

Looking around is a very good way of shaking off those looks from other people when you're waiting. Most people do feel agitated when waiting for a bus or waiting for a friend when there are crowds of people going past. Just because you got AS doesn't mean it's not normal to become a little agitated or restless while standing about because it happens to most people especially your age.

So looking around is a good way to stop you feel so agitated and looking so awkward. Your brain can focus on different things that are happening around you instead of just staring into one place all the time. When your brain is focused on other things it takes your mind off of how you are standing and how you look. Remember, the more you are thinking about the way your standing, the more you will look agitated and nervous. This is why you see so many people always looking around all the time.

Hope this helped.

Well when I move my hands, I can keep a better posture and can keep my balance a bit better. The more I keep my hands down by my side, the more I feel afraid to move them at all. I think this is tied to social phobia.

I have had a lot of trouble with my hands and arms. It seems every way i hold myself has a connotation.

Arms crossed...defensive
Arms by my side when I walk...angry
Hands active....nervous


yoga and public speaking tricks have been the most helpful.