I Hate Myself

Post Reply New Topic

I hate myself because I am pathetic, when my parents and siblings watch TV and the character they're yelling at is usually the one that I empathize with so I take it personally, which leads to another reason why I'm pathetic, I take everything personal and then I get depressed, I'm too sensative but I always deny that I am. I am not going to deny anything while I'm typing this. I always deny that I'm not weak or cowardly with anything but I am actually a cowardly sheep, I can't help it, stuff just scares me. I am always making up sob stories, but you know what's weird is I actually believe they are true, the only way I noticed that I make this stuff up is my siblings poking holes in it and then I notice that it's fake, or is it fake? I have 6 older brothers that I could never live up to, their values are high, morales are high, freaking everything about them is Christian, except me, I am the black sheep, morales rock bottom, values are twisted, everything with me is backwards but I would not know where to start. I want to start somewhere and figure out why I'm so delusional. I only want to talk about my 2 narrow subjects or me, anywhere, anytime, with anyone, I stop myself and I scold myself "No one gives a s**t!". I am stubborn, persistent and have too much pride, all the ingredients to make ignorance. I hate ignorant people and people who have no respect for themselves and a lot of things about girls, but I have each and everyone of those qualities that I hate in other people: ignorant, no respect for myself, selfish, manipulative etc. I used to like the skin that I am in, the way that I think but now it's just pathetic and backwards, I hate myself for being the black sheep. I am the last kid of my family, and my older brothers told each other not to abuse me like they did with each other, now I am pampered, spoiled, liked, loved, a freaking big deal, and it makes me sick because that's not who I am. I look at normal kids and see their older brothers beat up on them or chastise them and I actually want that, but I think that if something like that all the sudden did happen and all my stuff got taken away I would just started screaming and crying like a baby. Damn I hate myself! I hear all the time that everyone has a purpose for being hear, I look back at my life and look to my future and personally, I cannot see one thing that I have or will do that would make a difference in the slightest.

Any advice on how to overcome this or fix it or whatever I would really appreciate.

Make a better organized list of things about yourself that you don't like and wish to change and work on making a conscious effort to change them.

well i know the feeling and yep its suffering. Im also the youngest sibling and feel spoilt. It sucks. Ive lived with this self hatred for some time too so ill try to explain what has helped me.
Basically whenever i do anything good or anything good happens to me, i pay close attention to how good that feels so that the good feeling is prolonged and remembered. So for example, say you make someone a cup of tea, do it mindfully, thinking arent i good, give it happily and recall the good thing again later that day. If you keep feeding these positive things eventually theyll outnumber all the times you have negatives experiences like takingbthings personally etc.

I hope this helps a little.

I wish I could help you, but I can't.

I hate myself too, and I hate the fact that I am 41, and my life is that of a man in his thirties, and I feel like I wasted 11 years doing nothing.

What do I want to do now? Make money, so I can buy stuff. Toy trains, DVDs, CDs, collect stuff. I want money, so I can spend the rest of my life being comfortable. The less you want from life, the better it is. The Buddhists had it right.

They yell at the characters you love because they don't know what it's like to be the underdog or even the villain. Villains are made and not born, by suffering and ill-treatment. So you sound very empathetic which is something to love about yourself.

I have been battleing self-hatred for nearly 5 years. Sadly, I have no advice because of that.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlJUlVdJiHg[/youtube]
I can really relate to this song.
I appear so strong in front of other people but that's the result of years of lying to myself, now I'm in too deep, worst part is I have some nephews that look up to me. I am literally living a lie, lying to myself, lying to others but I didn't know I was lying! Now I recognize this but my family has already profiled me.
When it rains it pours.
When I look in the mirror I tell myself "You're life is a fake, YOU are a fake... who are you?". Teenage years are all about finding yourself, instead I have created a mask. Where did it all go wrong? Maybe it's because I care about what people think too much, especially my family, so then I created this alternate somebody to appeal to my family. All I ever wanted was somewhere to fit in, now I don't even fit in with myself. If I knew how to cry I would, I have always repressed my emotions and now I don't know how to feel anything, all I feel is Depression, Anger, Scold, Hatred, when someone complements me on anything then I tense up and get really uncomfortable, like a couple days ago, I played volleyball for the first time in 5 years, everyone who I was playing with knew that, so every time I hit the ball then everyone would cheer, even if the ball went out of bounds, and then I would yell at them and tell them that it was not good enough, I punished myself by walking home.
I am now desperate for ways to punish myself, right now I am starving but I do not deserve food! What have I contributed in my life? Nothing! I deserve nothing, not love, not pity, I want to get rid of everything in my room even my bed and dresser so that I have only dirty clothes and sleep on the floor.
Who am I? I need someone to tell me what is wrong with me, and who I am, ugh this is the most vulnerable I've ever felt.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJM11mo3UeQ[/youtube]

hmmm let me try n give you some advice from an older black sheep.....

your not as black sheep as you think you are,

there are other people that have done things that have caused serious damage to their families, and their families really hate them.

your parents are making your brothers not pick on you, showing they care.

The sensitive things gets to me to, its really lame, i hate it, i guess it has to do with the amadyglia of the brain, where the primal senses are felt. out intellectual part translates these attacks on us and we take to to a primal level of pain. I wish i can find a way to turn this off.

your 17, at 17 i didnt even know what aspergers was, im 24 now, the brain stops developing at 25, im basically screwed, my brains locked for the most part, you still have what 8 years??? That is alot of time to develop before your brain locks in permanently,

Do as much social skill training as you can sunny boy. And that is THEE best advice anyone can give you, im one of the few that actually give help on this site when someone needs it, most people just worldplay into circles of nothing on this site.

Just don't take their comments personally.
We are destined to like weird stuff, and people aren't going to get why you like the character.

I actually like ugly stuff more than pretty stuff because pretty stuff are boring.
(Ugly as in designed to be ugly, not as in poor art quality)

Free your mind. Does a star hate itself if it could? It's not in it's nature even if it could. We are the cosmos, how could a rock hate the earth? Image is merely consciousness reflecting on it's itself. Even the smallest waves are carried in the mightiest waters, carry yourself through the chaos and look to the harmony.