Does it *hurt* you to look at people? (eye contact)

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I am interested in knowing what it feels like to other people <b>on the spectrum</b> to make eye contact.

For me, it almost hurts, a small cringing electric shock sensation without the physical pain, if that makes sense. The more attractive a person is, the more it'll hurt to look at them. Or, the more I like them, the less I can look at them. Creepy people are also hard to look at, as is anyone who relies heavily on intense, prolonged eye contact (I had a counselor like that once!).

Normals often seem to think that I don't make eye contact because I am not paying attention, or out of laziness. This is not the case! (though lack of interest in making eye contact could also be a factor).

Yes it hurts.

It also instills fear in me.

If I'm well informed, almost all Aspies have problems having eye-contact. For me, it's not that it hurts though, just feel very uncomfortable or so.

eye contact in todays world means you are challenging them to a fight if you look them in the eyes

me too - feel embarrassed & nervous - can talk quite OK if looking around at other things - cannot concentrate that well otherwise (apart from immediate family of course)

Don't have problem with animal eye contact tho

I don't have any problems with it.

Although i have to say that didn't come natural.
I used to not make much eyecontact until i found out i was suppost to.

No, it doesn't hurt me. But I cannot concentrate on almost anything anymore when I look someone in the eyes. I can't do that anyhow. Something just makes me look away. I can stop that for a little while, but I dislike it and I cannot concentrate on anything anymore.

I look at people when I want to confirm something, or when I want to let them know I'm listening. But I only look for a very short time. A glance. And I really don't look in their eyes but merely about at their face.

The felling for me varys, I get that not quite pain electric shock thing to sometimes, but sometimes its just vary uncumpterboul, or outher times it will just make me fell embaresment for some resion.

It also depends a lot on the person i'm looking at, and weather the eye contacte is unexpeted or i have time to prepare for it.

English not your first language Cherokee?

For me its not that uncomfortable though sometimes it does make me slightly more tense if the conversation is something stressful.. mostly my eyes just seem to slide off them on their own.. I'll suddenly realize Im staring at some inanimate object in the room so Ill look back at them again then a few seconds later I realize Im staring at something else again.

It is i just can't spell or wright very well.

I was forced to always make eye contact as a child. "If you're telling the truth, you can look me in the eye," was a common admonition. I can't remember what it was like to be forced, but I know because every kid I've ever known in our family has been treated the same way. The main thing I notice is, if for some reason I'm uncomfortable making eye contact, my ears ring, but a lot of things I don't like cause this.

If I sense a high degree of empathy for an underdog type, I will have the most discomfort with eye contact, don't know why. Other people are not a problem, usually, as long as I don't feel forced into a situation or too tired from exposure.

I usually make others uncomfortable with my attempts at proper eye contact. I know there are eye contact scripts to follow and I do fairly well, but eye contact does not hurt me. If it did I would probably not even try.

My PDD son is very hesitant to make eye contact, but I only ask for it, not force it. I do believe it's a learned skill he can use in the future. He says it scares him, but doesn't hurt (we've discussed this at length).

My take is that if he's having a difficult day, it's as if he has lost his feeling of being the "Crown of Creation" or the top predator in the food chain and he is feeling more like a small prey animal and eye contact is like confronting a powerful predator. He can force himself to do it as long as he has an escape route mapped out in his mind, already. But it can also ruin a perfectly wonderful day, if forced upon him, when he's not ready.

Last edited by DirtDawg on 08 Sep 2006, 2:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

growing up in school was the worst for me, since i went to a mostly hispanic school and was the only white boy around eye contact was used as intimidation, challenging and "saying" someone was cool with your eyes, like "whats up?" anyways i remember looking at people before and have them completly freak out on me, like the'd want to fight me if i looked at them. also there was this other dude who i use to copy sometimes in the outfits he wore, like i'd wear something identical the next day or whatever and that was an invitation to a fight. yep ahhh i don't miss those school days at all

Ah no problem and in retrospect I might have sounded.. mocking? Disapproving? I dont know anyways I dont like the way I wrote that I was just curious I have a lot of friends from other countries who dont write english very well and I tend to want to tutor and help people like that for some reason

I have trouble with eye contact when someone introduces me to someone else. But I'm getting there. Sometimes I talk to someone with my head down on my work (at school) and they say "look at me when I'm talking to you" in a nice way, but I say "as long as I can hear you, I don't need to face you." in a nice way.

Last edited by Alternative on 08 Sep 2006, 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No it doesn't 'hurt' but I don't like it much, it makes me feel uncomfortable.
As it's supposed to be important, I do it. The trouble is, sometimes I start getting self-conscious as I'm unsure if I'm looking the other person in the eye too much or too little, then I lose track of the conversation as I'm too busy worrying about eye contact.

I tend to vary a lot with eye contact. Sometimes I'll have a "stone gaze", where I'll make constant eye contact with others (I used to do this practically all the time until I found out it made others uncomfortable, and now I try and control it), while other times it'll feel like you said, and I'll find it hard to maintain eye contact. This tends to happen more if I'm nervous or shy of people, particularly with people I'm attracted to and celebrities.