If you Ever Lie . . . When?

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I am under the impression that I don't lie. And it is certainly true that I rarely lie (I never lie about facts or circumstance, to avoid punishment or gain rewards, to manipulate others, to avoid embarrassment or hurting another's feelings . . .although in the last case I try to remember that lying is preferred).

However, I have come to understand that sometimes, when asked about my own emotions, that telling the truth is seen as emotional manipulation, so I will sometimes lie about that. Even my closest friend would prefer I do not necessarily tell the truth about feeling deeply angered or depressed by something.

It is odd, because I feel this lie is the hardest to conceal. It typically results in a full monotone default, which is probably pretty noticeable, so why bother lying?

Has anyone else been subject to these expectations? Why do you think this occurs? Is it part of the artificial interactive structure of NT communication (for example, a derivative of the "I'm fine" expectation)?

I am generally very honest, and only have lied when it comes to sex and drugs.

I wasn't going to tell my family the truth when I smuggled benzos into the house, or when I'd go out to the strip clubs.

Now I don't do benzos anymore, and I've decided to "come clean" about my "bad habits," whether it's to be teased or for the real thing, so there's really no need to be dishonest.

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Actually literally practicing "Hello, how are you?" "I'm fine, and yourself?" in the mirror helped me come up with an "ugh, me hear you" answer that seems to satify folks.

It may need some work; I have to look and see if I can find someone I trust to practice this with.



That's probably exactly what it is. Given my social retardation it makes it difficult to tell when to provide an accurate answer, and when to provide a "ugh, me hear you." grunt of an answer. Sometimes the same question is asked the exact same way in a different situation and a different response is called for.

I used to think that life would be inconceivable or unbearable if I knew what a speaker's exact thoughts were as they spoke to me. As I get older, my thinking changes, and I would rather know the speaker's mind.

People in general seem to have a hard time understanding other peoples emotions, i think thats something that we and NTS have in common, so usually people just say im fine so you are not putting any pressure on the other person to try and understand you. I would much rather have someone tell me the honest truth and say that their really upset or mad, so i would be able to comfort them while their upset. I am very honest with my emotions as well and you can tell people dont always like that about me in RL. As for me, the only time i ever lie is when it comes to my algebra hwk, see i have a non verbal learning disorder so throughout the summer i take a summer tutoring proogram with my math teacher, and my mom expects me to do it as soon as i come home and i always tell her i do it at the time she tells me when i dont, because quite frankly my brain cant handle all that at once.

I lie when I'm not thinking.

Uh, that needs some explanation.

When I'm just talking, just following the pattern of conversation, without really trying to communicate, I may say things that aren't true but which fit the pattern. They are usually quite irrelevant lies that don't benefit me, and I don't realize they are lies until later on. That sort of pattern-following interferes with communication.

That's one of the reasons I prefer writing to talking. It's easier when I write to resist following patterns and actually communicate for real.

I lie when I feel that the person I'm talking to can't handle the truth. If I know them well, I'll come up with personal lies that fit their image of righteousness. I've gotten so good at lying over the years that I can go both ways without a noticeable difference. This isn't because I'm a rotten person, it's because I have a good idea of how to communicate with people, and some people flat out prefer to be lied to, especially with regards to sensitive things such as their feelings. I'm always as honest as I can be, but I sometimes lie. Truth and honesty are not the same thing. Honesty is being aware of someone's needs, and truth is expressing your own feelings as accurately as possible.

I'm almost incapable of lying about factual information. What I would do, and only when it's necessary, is "rounding up" things a little. I would deny something when I honestly think it's not true, even tough in some cases after some time I have to admit I was wrong.

Although it's one of the toughest things, I'd admit when I was wrong. I see most people don't do it, and would see my actions as foolish or stupid, so I try to do it less frequently, or also in the "round up" fashion.

You are right on clue.

I lie sometimes. Not often, and the lie is always "I'm fine" when I'm not.

There are two reasons I do this.

1) I believe the person I'm talking to doesn't actually want an honest answer.
2) I either can't or don't want to talk about what's bothering me.

Other then that, I'm an honest person. This sometimes means I'm inconsistent because I'm also fickle.

I lie to people who I know will judge me, because I know they cannot comprehend my reasoning.


I lie to people who are hypersensitive and will take offense and/or choose to feel hurt over things that do not warrant the drama.


I lie to people who are nosy and insist on prying and inquiring into aspects of my life that are simply none of their damn business.


But mostly, rather than lie, I simply choose not to divulge any more than seems germane to the situation and the relationship.

I generally lie when people ask me "What's wrong?", "Are you OK?", or "You want to go with me to (insert place here).

Answers: Nothing. Yes. Sure, let's go.

Instead of lying in the situation I tend to say "I'll be fine". It is both true, and something that people usually just overlook. If they don't, then they actually do want an honest answer, and I can say that I am not up to talking about it.

The other thing I do in that situation is to just not respond at all.

I dont think there such thing as lieing. possibly might change my opinion on that.

I pretend to get things so people won't get mad at me or thinking I am being obtuse on purpose.

I lie when I am embarrassed or ashamed of something or am afraid of getting judged.

I lie if I have to protect someone.

I lie if someone tells me to to protect them from conflicts or drama.

I lie to avoid conflict from parents because I don't know if what I am going to say to their kids they will approve of. Not really lying but I feel like I am lying to the children because I am not telling them what I really want to tell them.

I lie when people ask me how I am because that is small talk and they want to hear I am fine. I don't want to talk about my personal feelings anyway.

And I accidentally lie when random things come out of my mouth because I suck with answering questions sometimes or getting my thoughts together. I tend to say what comes to my head.


And of course if I think my honesty might offend a friend, even if they ask for it, I might lie because what is more important, friendship or my honest opinion? I just hope I am never put in this spot. But of course I would like to have friends where I wouldn't have to BS and sugarcoat to spare their feelings because they can't handle my honest opinions. I also wouldn't want friends who is going to do the BS where they play mind games with you where they ask for your opinion and then get pissed when they get an answer they didn't want to hear and make it your problem. After all I think you are to be honest in friendships and rely on them for their honesty when you ask for their opinion. Then they aren't good friends then if they play those games. So I could be honest with them or lie if I enjoy their company too much, even if it means they might not be a good friend. But I have difficulty in this area because I hate to lie.

I actually can lie. I consider lies as a weapon to defeat anxiety, if I know the truth will have me worse off.

When I'm in the bath, I find it the best place to think oncoming situations over, and what I should lie over and what I shouldn't. If I want to avoid doing something but can't get out of it by saying the truth, I make up a really good lie, and it practically always works.

I am almost always truthful, even when it tends to cause interpersonal issues. In short I "calls 'em, as I sees 'em" and let the chips fall where they may. Obviously, this can cause some relationship problems at times. However, I can and do lie when I feel that it is absolutely necessary to protect myself.

I like that. I'll have to try it.