Marriage

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Will you get married? Do you think somebody who has AIDS should marry? What about Autism? (Knowing that it can be genetically transmitted to the next generation).

What will you answer if your 20 years old son asks you "why did you give birth to me while you knew about your disorder?"

Since when do you have to reproduce if you get married? no I do not think two people with aids should reproduce because I think that is genetic and can be passed down and considering it is a horrible disease that would not be good.....but they should certainly still be able to be married.

And I do not think AS is specifically genetic or can for sure be passed down, considering I am the only one in my family that seems to have it. But yes I feel like should I choose to get married I should be able to.

You're right. I meant reproducing. It just seemed a bit awkward to me to ask do you have a plan to reproduce?
It's almost sure that Autism can be passed through generations.

I'm not quite seeing the connection between the two, but I can appreciate the analogy as I typically do this to make sense out of things. Anyone has the right to get married but no one should feel obligated either way, just because social norm dictates we should or should not do something. Someone with AIDS having children is different because it's an auto-immune virus that will put the unborn child at risk from the start. Autism (plus spectrum) is not a virus but centered around social and sensory issues.

Regardless, marrying someone on the spectrum is going to be a unique relationship with special challenges. But my experience leads me to believe that there are NTs out there that prefer to be with people who are wired differently. The only person in my life reminds me all the time that I make life exciting and entertaining. I'm told that my brutal honesty and inability to lie or make small talk challenges them to be more self-reflective. My perspective is often refreshing and appreciated. There are still issues that weigh heavily on me and make me wonder if I'm going to be able to stay in a long-term relationship, but it's been worth the risk so far.

BTW- if I had a child like me, I think I'd adore them and do everything to help them navigate their unique personality and unconventional approach to life. The hardest part about being like this is that the thing that would help the most is someone understanding and listening to me. I'm terrified about having kids but it might happen and I think I have something to offer them.

Last edited by WickedLucid on 17 Aug 2011, 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

For people who either plan or hope to eventually have children, those can be some difficult questions.

When I first married at age 20, none of those kinds of questions ever came to mind. I already knew I was a bit of a misfit or oddball in comparison to other people, but I had my own hopes and dreams anyway. A few years later, however, and after fathering two daughters, I definitely wanted to *not* have any more children because life was already too difficult for me and I did not want to bring more people into the mix.

Personally, I think the decision as to having children should be based upon one's actual ability to be a responsible parent and not necessarily (or at least not only) upon whether or not a child is somehow guaranteed "genetic perfection" or whatever ...

... and in my own case, that specifically plays out in my later being able to help my older daughter overcome her own chronic alcoholism (just like I was doing while she was growing up).

I don't want any more kids, but if I did, then I'd go ahead. I don't see AS as meaning a person can't live a happy and fulfilling life. A guy I knew who had Aspie traits described himself as "the happiest man alive." Most of the downside is from the prejudice and intolerance of others, so it would be like refusing to reproduce on the grounds of being black or Jewish. I suppose there may be some risk of offspring having low-functioning autism, but I doubt that it's a significant risk. Naturally, if it is, then that changes things a little.

It's possible....but not definate, I mean apprantly my non-autistic parents had me, I think its possible my dad might have some sort of disorder but not autism or maybe it's just how he grew up and the drug and alcohol use. But yeah they have not yet found what causes autism. And I think its possible two people with autism could have a child without it but I would have to do some more research on that I guess.

If a person with AIDS wanted to get married and have children, they would have to talk to their doctor and ask if it can be passed on to their children. It's the same with Autism. I had a therapist tell me once that if my boyfriend and I want to have kids someday, we would have to talk to a doctor and ask if our Asperger's could be passed on to our children. She also told me that they could end up severely autistic, which I don't think I could handle. When I mentioned this to him, I asked him if he didn't mind adopting, and he said yes. But then I mentioned this to a different therapist and she said that with adopted children, we wouldn't know what kind of problems they have, either, especially if they're from another country, so I don't know. I suppose I wouldn't mind if my children had Asperger's, but I would prefer it if they didn't have anything at all. I guess it depends on how badly you want to get married and have children and if you're ready to handle whatever challenges come your way.

I want kids, but I doubt I will ever get married. Despite wanting kids, I am asexual--so that might be difficult. I don't see anything wrong with being on the spectrum, so if I had a 20 year old son who asked me that, I would be quite offended. Lots of people reproduce when they have some sort of condition that can be genetically passed down.

As for the AIDS question...I don't think anyone should be forced to live alone if they do not want to. It might be safer if both partners already had the disorder, or if they wanted a more celibate relationship. Even if the other partner knew about the AIDS, and chose to have sex with them anyway, I think that is their choice--I do not, however, think children should be allowed to be born of such unions with one or two AIDS parents because that is how the disease will spread even more quickly that it has been through the general population. It is also not fair to freely give birth to kids when you are absolutely passing on an infectious, terminal disease to them (I think they would be automatically born with HIV, but not sure about this).

My daughter appears to have received a double whammy of genes from me and my NT husband, who has a lot of AS traits. She loves life and has a lot to offer the world. At the moment, I can't foresee a future where she'll wish she'd never been born, rather than have Aspergers. Of course, I could be proved wrong, but, if she's anything like me (and she is), she won't feel like that at all.

Yes I do think that people with autism or AIDS should be able to get married and have kids. If aspies want to get married and have children, they have the right to do so, without perfectionists telling them otherwise.

Well the issue with aids is the baby would get it and then they may not even make it past a year, and well obviously they do not have a cure for it so they would be born with it and have a lesser quality of life.

I believe that autistic genes are essential for our species. Without them, we would just small talk and chit chat every day, and we would have hardly any art or inventions.

I am proud that I have four children and fifth due this year.

I can't relate to AIDS, that is completely different. It is a virus, and is not in my genes.

(I hope I am not feeding a troll )

Well I don't know that you can attribute all art and inventions to people with autism, that is a bit unfair as I am sure there are artists and inventors that do not have it......and there are NTs who do more than small talk and chit chat every day yes even some NTs find that sort of thing annoying.

I will never marry.

I think that mothers with AIDS can have HIV- children, if they stay on their meds, and don't breastfeed.

I agree. I also believe that fat women should not reproduce, because then any daughters that might get born will probably be fat, and being fat is bad. Men with small penises should not reproduce because we don't want men with small penises. Poor people should not reproduce because then their kids will grow up poor. Black people and Jews should not reproduce because they aren't as great as Aryans. Mexicans should not reproduce because we all hate Mexicans. Rats should not reproduce because they get inside people's houses. Only rich well hung celebrties should reproduce with rich, uber fit women, THEN life would be a bowl of cherries...unless a fat woman eats them all and then decides to reproduce.