My daughter, Tricare, and Me

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So, at my child psychologist appointment for my daughter she was diagnosed with having asperger like symptoms. The psychologist refrained from giving her an offical diagnosis because our school system out here sucks and moves anyone on the spectrum to a full-service school. Unless you bring in the legal team, and while I'm in the Navy and have free access to legal services it usually takes 2-3 years for the legal process and then the subsequent re-evaluations.

At any rate, this is how it happened. I was staring out the window looking at the way the clouds were formed. It was breathtaking almost the way they rolled out and were only black on the very bottom tips of the waves. The sunlight shone through the lighter part of the clouds in streaks and just looked amazing with the misting from the clouds. The muted sunlight hit the building across the river and made the tan color of the bricks just pop.

Wait., I thought to myself, I should be listening to the shrink, she's talking about my daughter after all.

I turned around to see the Dr looking at my hands. I had been fidgeting with them. I had the middle finger on my right hand twirling in my left palm. So, I started rubbing my hands on my pants, embarrassed.

"So, dad, what do YOU think about all of this?" she asked me.

What do I think about what? Oh, right, daughter... "I personally don't think there's anything wrong with her. She's a bit extreme in her emotions sometimes but that's just something you learn to deal with growing up. I mean, she's really just like me."

"Yes she is. She has signs of AS. You were diagnosed with a depressive disorder, yes?"

"Yep."

"And I'll bet your meds work for awhile and then stop working for you, no matter how big the doseage is."

"Yeah."

"Perhaps your depression is a symptom, not the core condition."

And then she continued to talk about the other comorbid conditions that can develop in the teenage/adult years, highly emphasizing depression. And she also made it clear that they believe in genetic roots for AS.

So I went home and started researcing AS. It's about all I've done for the past week. The more I try to disprove it, the more I see it in me. Apparently, my wife and mother came to the conclusion that I had it a long time ago. But I still try to disprove it. I take the tests over and over evaluating questions in different ways and all it does is raise my scores. Or lower the ones that should be high.

I've finally come to the conclusion that all I could really do is study the tests and lie to get a normal score. If there's even a modicrum of truth in my answers, it comes out on the autism spectrum.

Does anyone know how this might work in the military? Talking to the mental health guys, I mean. I'm not worried about a medical discharge. My dysthymia should probably be Major Depressive Disorder, as without astounding amounts of anti-depressants anything above a darkened room with my earplugs in and working on my interest sends me into a spiralling depression that quickly makes me tell everyone that it would be prudent if they removed all the sharp things from my vicinity.

"But it doesn't affect your work performance. So it can't be MDD."

On meds, no. Why do you think I'm on them? At any rate, I'm getting a medical discharge at some point. And looking back with knowledge of what adult AS meltdowns look like, I think I had one just about daily on deployment and probably 2-3 times a week when we weren't deployed. I even got written up for trying to stab somebody with scissors once. Thank God for clumsiness I guess. I tripped and fell on the floor. On my face.

Um, so end of the ramble. So, does anyone know about how to deal with this in the military health system? I know I can't just tell a captian he's full of it. But can I change doctors if I don't like this one, etc?

I don't know anything about the military health care system, but I had to note that I really like your writing style. You communicated your experiences very well.

Incidentally, if you and your daughter have ASDs, you're right: There's nothing wrong with either of you. An autistic brain is a healthy brain that developed differently. Have you or your wife considered home-schooling your daughter if she needs extra help? Sometimes when the school system is totally inadequate, that comes up as a better option.

I'm glad your depression is under control. Been there, done that, still on the Prozac. I've had five episodes now, the latest one lasting only weeks because of how quickly I was able to identify it and get help. In my experience, the best kind of doctor for someone with AS is someone who will treat a patient with respect and as an equal partner in treatment--even if this sort of person starts out with little knowledge about ASDs, they are the people who are willing to learn about it in order to be better doctors.

What makes me wonder: Why didn't your wife tell you about what she suspected? I can only guess she thought she might offend or hurt you if she did. My mom was the same way--she knew for years and years, but didn't tell me even though I was quite old enough to understand. I wish she had, but she didn't tell me because she loved me and she thought she'd hurt me if she told me. At least this way you know more about yourself and your mind. If you are like me in this respect (and your immediate researching of ASDs says you probably are), then you will want to research the neurotypical brain so that you can learn more about your NT friends and family and better communicate with them. That, in my experience, is the best sort of help an adult with a newly diagnosed ASD can get.

Good luck with your daughter; I hope some more people who know about military health care come along.

I'm not a lawyer but I know that my brother's were disqualified from military service due to mental heath concerns. I am virtually certain they didn't get diagnosed as being on the spectrum but I'd take the way the military treated two otherwise healthy candidates in a time of increased recruitment needs as bad precedence toward anyone seeking a diagnosis of AS. Better to be safe than sorry IMHO.

Thanks. I never was able to get my speech right. I did finally manage to get rid of my stutter, but if I tried to speak that to someone it would come out as "I have AS and you smell like hamburgers. So I worked on writing.



We have, but we'd have to find a group deal that was already established. For one, we want the social aspect, and two she won't listen to a word my wife says.



We were having a bad time when she came across it. Not being able to tell when other people are flirting with you, and not being able to understand your own emotions can get you in trouble. That and just not really being able to show emotion to her, just all led up to us nearly getting divorced. So, I guess she just thought it would make things worse at the time.


And to the other poster, it's harder to get out than to get in. I'm convinced the only reason they haven't put me as MDD is because that would be an immedate discharge. I just wonder about Aspergers. Although I doubt many are in the military, and the ones that are, are undiagnosed.

Well, I know one woman who was in the Marines and very successful; she's Aspie but not diagnosed, and is now retired and working in scientific research. I know of one news story where a guy with autism got discharged--but it wasn't just AS; they probably just used AS as an excuse. I think they found kiddie porn or something. So that wouldn't exactly be a good test case...

http://badanimal6.blogspot.com/2009/07/ ... -brig.html

Best as I can tell, if you can do your job, you should be allowed to stay. Your superiors know you and your abilities--if you can't do your job, they'd be the ones to kick you out. I don't know how this differs from civilian life, but I'm pretty sure that being competent at what you do and not having major friction with co-workers is pretty important.

My roommate was in the Navy, and is currently in the Army; he's awaiting medical discharge for the various conditions he picked up in Iraq (PTSD, TBI, damage to shoulder and leg muscles). He went through ten years in the service with childhood-diagnosed ADD and undiagnosed dyslexia (he tries to deny it today - until I point out once again that he spells his username, "ZeroKill", as "zreokell"), but they weren't seen as conditions barring service. And with his son's recent diagnosis (ADHD and HFA), we're beginning to wonder if certain aspects of his behavior might be indicative of an ASD as well. I'd say that unless your AS is so severe as to inhibit service, it shouldn't be a problem - you could even pitch it as a strength, as most of us on the spectrum do best with a strict structure of rules upon which to hang our lives.

Well, I can do my job now. But my job right now just consists of playing on the computer, signing a few papers every now and then, and not looking weird. The civilian I was assigned to work for doesn't care. He just said "Oh yeah?" and then two hours later came in and said, "That makes sense. The autistic thing." And now he doesn't get mad when I forget something.

As for why my chief put me there? Probably because I don't get along well with people. I was so made fun of growing up that anytime I don't get what people are trying to say, I get mad because I assume they're being rude or making fun of me. I have loosened up some, and learned a lot of typical jokes on people, but I still get frustrated quite often. And I almost have a meltdown (or close to it) when the schedule is changed from what I was told.

As far as getting kicked out though, I'm not terribly worried about it. Particularly if the child psychologist was right about AS. I know that autism is a high enough disability to warrant me getting some pay from the Navy for the rest of my life. Probably not 100% as I am high functioning enough to do some work things. As long as I don't have to deal with customers too much. My wife wants me to get into custom gunsmithing as I would be good at it, and she could deal with the customers. And I would be working out of my house. But also, since my meltdown involving trying to stab someone, and trying to hurt myself a few times, the Navy isn't letting me go back to a high tempo job again. So I was kind of told that they should kick me now, but since I'm stable enough doing my stupid little job I could stay until the end of this tour. My only concern with that is that I might not be able to pass all my physical tests. I just can't make myself work out enough and I don't like pain at all.

That's sad about the marine. The Navy guys might dig on them, but we do like them. We know what they go through to graduate boot camp. I see the fraudulent enlistment though. He had to sign papers stating he has no mental defects or other conditions not mentioned in the doctor's report. The doctor should have explained that to him before he signed it. If he was nervous enough to not be able to communicate effectively, then I imagine the doctor would have noticed. If I get upset enough that I can't understand people I can't control my stims at all. Maybe he's different though. Who knows? But once you're in, it's hard to get out. The only thing I can't condone or stand up for is the kiddie porn. In the UCMJ he will most likely still have to stand that sentence before he gets released, even if his whole enlistment is overturned.

And you're probably right about the not getting kicked part, not for AS anyway. In the Navy, only an O-6 or above can sign your discharge papers for anything other than your contract running out. That's like saying you worked for Microsoft, and only the head of your department of 500 or more can fire you. And he's 4 or 5 bosses up from your boss.

I guess I just want to know about the process if the doctor just dismisses it off-hand and doesn't even look into it. Maybe I should just ask one of the enlisted guys at the clinic. But my psychiatrist seems to want this whole mental health thing to be mutual so far, so maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe I'm just too used to being treated like a POS because I can't work as fast and can't make friends. Like, "No Pyle, you can't go to your daughter's surgery. Surgeries are routine these days and it wouldn't make a difference if you were there, would it?" My guess is that I couldn't go so that the favorite of the division could have his wedding that he conveniently planned for the weekend we were to get underway for the weekend. I basically had a meltdown in front of the Command Master Chief's office, screaming and cursing at a master chief no less. I threw papers at him and took a swing at him too.

I honestly don't know why they let me get away with that stuff. Maybe because I was on time all the time or they felt sorry for me? I don't know. And I'm rambling again...

Tricare = try [to] care