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quaker
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09 Jul 2011, 3:55 am

Do you think people with AS can do small-talk?

What's the difference between to aspies on a bus talking about computer games and two non- autistic people on a bus talking about whose sleeping with who?



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09 Jul 2011, 4:20 am

I believe small talk is ritualistic conversation of little to no informational value. What you are talking about with your example of NTs is gossip rather than small talk. I think people with AS are capable of learning small talk if it is taught in a way that suits their style of learning, maybe taught in a way similar to the way NTs might learn trigonometry. Personally, I ask friends "How are you?", but I'm genuinely interested in the answer, it's almost like a diagnostic check, I want to know if there's anything I should be aware of or help with.



bumble
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09 Jul 2011, 5:28 am

I am NT as far as I am aware (never been tested for an ASD) and I can't do small talk lol. It's partly why I struggle to start conversations with people and keep them going sometimes. I generally find people don't like it if you just launch off into the deep and meaningful stuff lol. The only small talk I know is 'Nice sunny day today isn't it?' and that is because I see people at the bus stop doing it lol. I cringe when I say it though as I am light sensitive and don't really like sunny weather at all!



Amajanshi
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09 Jul 2011, 5:34 am

quaker wrote:
Do you think people with AS can do small-talk?

What's the difference between to aspies on a bus talking about computer games and two non- autistic people on a bus talking about whose sleeping with who?


I can do Small-talk, but I don't enjoy it as much as NTs though. I try to add a bit more fun into it by using Small-talk to assess the level of functioning (health/medical-wise) in a person, so it feels a bit more like detective work. Small-talk is sometimes defined as talk which doesn't hold much significance on its own, but to ease the relationship between 2 people, so they can be comfortable with each other.



Moog
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09 Jul 2011, 5:42 am

Anything over 2 cm is large talk


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YellowBanana
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09 Jul 2011, 6:45 am

My psychiatrist was trying to give me some advice about small talk.

I told him that it wasn't that I didn't understand how it is supposed to work (I observe a lot, so I have a good understanding of how it works for most people), it was just that for some reason when I try it, it doesn't work.

Probably because although I understand how it works, and even the reason for it, I don't really see the point of it. That probably comes across in the way I respond to or ask the follow up questions (if I do at all).

Why not just talk about something that is actually interesting?!? If there is nothing interesting to talk about, it should be OK to walk away.... but for some reason, it isn't. You have to come up with some stupid reason for why you are leaving.

It's all very odd.


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CockneyRebel
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09 Jul 2011, 7:20 am

I see small talk as a bunch of girls standing around talking about hair, clothes, makeup and boys. Things that I was never interested in.


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09 Jul 2011, 7:59 am

I like to make fun of small talk, especially when I'm around friends who are in on it and I couldn't be bothered putting on my NT mask. eg:

"Gee, how about that rain? In line with seasonal expectations - who'd have thought?"
"How about that local sports team, hmm?"
"Are you engaging in recreational activities on the weekend? I know I am!"
"Thank god it's Friday, and thank the Amalgamated Clothing Worker's Union of America that our work week ends today to give that phrase significant meaning!"

etc.



Gwenwyn
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09 Jul 2011, 8:50 am

The closest I can come is completely weird and random talk - along the lines of pickled zombies and such.

My coworkers seem very good at small talk. As ever people seem more amused than afronted or turned away that I don't know how to continue a small-talk conversation. I think small talk could be along the lines of asking inane questions the answer of which you really have no interest in. However, a lot of this can encompass 'normal' interests like sports (how bout them nicks?) or attire (I love your hair!). I think it might be closer to how NT's might view our own special interests. They can't talk to us about them because we have no interest. Likewise, we can't talk about 'sports' or 'attire' in a manner meaningful to them because if we even do know of it, the stimulation we get from it is entirely different.



quaker
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09 Jul 2011, 9:11 am

I'm enjoying this thanks everyone.......I can small talk if have to but it is SO dull. I can handle introductory small talk much more than I can good bye small talk .......I guess this is because after socializing I just got to get away, so my good bye is GOODBYE.....I find it horrible when people small talk around good byes



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09 Jul 2011, 9:16 am

Guys, you have to try not to look bored when they start babblings , that's one aspect of it. They got all these magazines with fashion and celebrities and if they get their hair cut like one of these guys you have to talk about .
It is signifcant to them and it makes them feel valued. It doesn't matter if you have never felt valued, just accept it's how they function and appreciate they will value you for not being bored and listening to them . Like if you turn your aspie concentration and memory to this issue , they will talk to you about hair and fashion and jewellery , because they like the fact someone is interested. They will love the fact you remember exactly what clothes and jewellery they were wearing say two months ago when you talked about or did such and such. It's not a mission.



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09 Jul 2011, 9:58 am

quaker wrote:
I'm enjoying this thanks everyone.......I can small talk if have to but it is SO dull. I can handle introductory small talk much more than I can good bye small talk .......I guess this is because after socializing I just got to get away, so my good bye is GOODBYE.....I find it horrible when people small talk around good byes


Yes! My mother is terrible at this. A friend/relative who is driving me insane by talking incessantly (to my mother, but I can hear it) will say goodbye, and while they're "going", my mother will introduce a new topic of conversation which they then have to hang around to discuss.



Simonono
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09 Jul 2011, 10:17 am

Strange.



Jory
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09 Jul 2011, 2:06 pm

Small talk is saying s**t just to say it because society's rules expect you to.



Joe90
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09 Jul 2011, 2:09 pm

I can do small talk. What is so hard about small talk? I would have thought small talk would be easier than having a full-blown conversation about somebody's personal life.


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MissWiggy
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09 Jul 2011, 2:18 pm

To me small talk is making conversation because social rules expect you to... the two people making the conversation don't really give a flying monkey about the other and will probably forget everything once they part, but they still indulge in it.
Between strangers it's usually stuff about the weather (at least here in uk).
In my office I avoid hanging around the kitchen area because everyone comes there to make their teas and coffees and then they all want to indulge in pointless banter like what you're doing this weekend or stuff like that, and I can't be bothered with it all :x

So I have to wait until the coast is clear and make a dash for it to fill up my bottle of water or get a spoon etc. I'd like to be able to make a cup of tea now and again but don't dare risk it because I'd have to hang around for too long which would mean someone would come along and I'd have to talk :(