How well are you understood?

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I remember thinking as a teen 'No one understands me' - but that was too cliché so I was wise enough never to say it out loud or write it down, as an adult I feel no different, so it turns out that it's not just teen angst. Before entering the world of the Aspie/Autie I hoped I'd find understanding [this is not a criticism of WP or any other AS/ASD community] but often I find fellow aspies just as likely not to understand...

Granted, there are some contradictions in terms - I can't use a telephone but I worked in a call centre, I have social anxiety but I'm now a licensed security guard, and unlike some aspies I'm social, loud, confident, don't mind being in loud or busy places - we're all different, it effects us differently, although it's still tough sometimes getting understanding from others on the spectrum, let alone NT's!

Again, it's not a criticism or 'woe is me' it just makes me wonder if anyone is ever going to 'get' me, whether it is possible...
...and so I wonder - does anyone 'get' you? Do you feel understood within our community (AS/ASD community in general, or here on WP), how about family and friends, or do you have a soul mate or a partner who understands you when no one else does?

Does it bother you if no one understands you?
Like with so many other things, I find it tragic and strange.

I feel very much misunderstood. A large portion of the things I say and do get interpreted the wrong way, or seem strange and baffling to others. Even the person who I'm the closest to, my mom, has admitted that she doesn't understand me very well - even though I had previously thought that she was the only person who actually did. I guess I have mistaken her seemingly endless amount of patience and compassion towards me as a sign that she actually understands how my mind works.

But I don't pity myself. I realize that the reason why I am so misunderstood is because of my problems communicating with others. Specifically, not being able to walk people through the process of how I come to the conclusions about things the way I do, and why I react the way I do to said conclusions.

My primary intent is understanding myself. I do try to work hard to understand people here - and some are definitely easier than others, I think. I may simply be assuming and I don't understand anyone.

It does bother me when people don't understand me about specific things. If someone doesn't understand me generally, I'm used to it by now. I prefer someone not understanding me to someone who thinks they understand me and acts on that knowledge that is almost certainly wrong.

I don't see the contradiction in not using a telephone and working in a call center, for what it's worth. I've worked in a call center and I have a hard time using the telephone. Call center work was completely unlike normal telephone stuff. It was all scripted and I had a book memorized filled with all the answers that customers called to ask. I didn't have to "think" socially to get things done, I was just able to do them. I hope that made sense. Actually, the call center made it easier for me to deal with call center stuff (like when I phone in for my rides to appointments) because I know what the client side of a script is supposed to be. If I have to deviate from the script, I get really frustrated and sometimes have to hang up and try again rather than continue.

Anyway, a lack of understanding doesn't bother me. Misunderstandings drive me up the wall, especially when I am not able to clear them up.

Also, I can relate to this:

I know for a fact no one understands me. I don't really have a problem with that. I have a bigger problem with people who like to think they do understand me though.


I don't believe that anyone can fully understand anyone else.

I agree with a lot of what has been said here.

I think that coming here looking for "people like you" is a bit of a folly in it's own right because if you know anything about AS and autism it should be that autistic people are incredibly, incredibly varied. Personally, I see it as we all have unique personalities. ASD is not a personality disorder. It would make a certain amount of sense for a person with a personality disorder to expect to find others like him or her. But AS isn't a personality disorder. We're all have unique (and often distinct) personalities. Forget the Myers-Briggs. We're all unique in a big way.

It bothered me a bit at one point, when I expected to "fit in" as a way of validating my self-diagnosis. I kept trying to compare my situations to others' to determine whether or not I had AS. Which in itself isn't a bad idea, but it can only take you so far. At some point, you've just got to stop comparing yourself to others and accept yourself as you are. That's kind of where I am now.

And as for being bothered by people not getting me in general, that doesn't bother me either because I've got people who will listen to me, which is almost better than understanding. When I first came to my parents and talked to them about having AS, I expected both of them to completely ignore me because "I KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS AND YOU DON'T HAVE AUTISM." But to my surprise, after the initial "NOT AUTISM" reaction, both of them actually took me seriously. They both really listened to me.

I don't really have any close friendships at this point, but I honestly can't handle the emotional demands and expectations of friendships. I don't expect my friends to get me, but I don't really expect them to do anything more than say hi to me, sit beside me in chapter, and occasionally include me in the things they do. XD

I agree with what has already been said, what people *think* they know is far worse than what they don't know, so few people bother to ask

Maybe it's more about having a need to be understood, that sense that the details are important rather than difficulty being understood, though that certainly can be an issue. Most people never seem to have this worry about being understood; so either they are understood or they simply don't care. I feel it is the latter.

Um....

I feel very misunderstood by the vast majority of the people that I deal with on a day to day basis. My mum is the worse for that, but there's no use of me dwelling on the reason why. My entire family doesn't understand me and my sister has made it very clear to me that she doesn't understand me, many years ago. How about that coworker who attacked me on account of my special interest that I've only said three words to him about, only to find out that I have severe anxiety three days later - so severe that my stomach knots up to the point that I can only drink Slim-Fast and eat fruits and veggies before 4:30 in the evening when it gets bad. I don't want a cure for autism, though a cure for anxiety would be nice.

^

What was the interest? Why did he attack you for it?

People misunderstand me all the time probably because I have a hard time expressing myself.

I understand you guy