Heuristic Autistic

Post Reply New Topic

By this I mean: someone who is autistic (at any point on the spectrum), but has managed to become considerably proficient in interacting socially, without the aid of any groups or behavioral therapy. I pose this question because since about seventh grade I have been slowly acquiring skills to better my social capacity, and have been drawing from personal experience and logical succession to determine my next adjustment of communication. Two of my friends have Asperger's Syndrome, and claim that they were both "trained" to behave normally, but I have gotten along well (with the exception of emotional expression) without having to be necessarily taught how to. To analogize this with something familiar, my friends are like terminators set on "read only mode," whereas I am set to "read and write mode." Is anyone else out there like this?

i see no reason to rule out the possibility to learn to behave normally. even nearly totally normally. This is quite a characteristic of Asperger syndrome, to with time become better 'adjusted'. As far as anywhere on the spectrum, it would be entirely inconsistent for someone with classic autism to develop to such an extent socially. It simply goes against definitions. Just one possibility to suggest, is that you may not be as flawlessly trained as you think. You may behave in a certain way that you aren't treated differently, however the people you interact may have different attitudes toward you than you calculate. Again, just a suggestion, i do think it could be entirely possible you have accomplished what you think you have. For me personally i do not desire to behave normally. True this may be connected to my inability to do so, for during my adolescence i tried so desperately, resulting in great stress and disappointment. I feel free to be strange. I do not desire to exert force to subdue my natural tendencies.

Yes. This is how I am as well. I have a 'social warming' ability, because I can mimic normal habits and conversations, as well as draw conversational focus away from myself. I do have odd listening gestures, and I still don't detect sarcasm (and so I respond to everything literally), but generally I can manage a reciprocal conversation when I'm in a coherent state of mind. That isn't all the time. (Coffee generally makes it possible, though.)

I have found my interactions with others is vastly improved by trying to keep to 2 rules: talk much less, smile more.

You can be thinking anything you like, the mind going off on tangents about things you want to do, maybe thinking "God this person is a freaking alcoholic", or "what a dumb a$$" and even "what they are saying is so inaccurate and I could tell them the facts".......

Say less, smile more, it's all about their perception of you.

Oh, this doesn't lead to satisfying relationships, but it gets you through the day!

Where difficulty arises is when the heuristics don't translate into new environments. Autistics often have challenges generalizing and applying previous experience to new situations.

I am much, much better at socializing than when I was younger. I didn't know how to socialize when I was young but now as an adult I do it so well at times that people wouldn't even know I was autistic. I don't remember how I learned, I guess it was my parents. I am better at socializing with people who have a a mental illness than normal people though. They seem to be more understanding and I understand them better than the media seems to. The media shoots down people with mental illness calling them murderers. Not all of them are, in fact its in the very small minority kill people. Sometimes my social skills does show my autistic self after awhile. I say things that are inappropriate for the situation. Sometimes I don't get when people are using sarcasm but am much better now. I actually know how to use sarcasm but to be honest I use it too much and also joke around a lot. The only way I can detect sarcasm from other people is when they do use another tone of voice when saying it. That is how I use it. I know its rare for an autistic to properly use sarcasm. In some ways I am going backward in being more autistic though as I get older. There was a time that I looked normal and not autistic. Now I am doing some of the more autistic things. The sensory overload is getting worse and sometimes does get in the way of my social skills. If I am in a restaurant talking to someone, and there is a baby crying I have to hold my ears in pain even though it looks weird to outsiders. I don't think I took official classes to get better at socializing. I was in a socialization group but its for people with mental illness and not really teaching you how to socialize but rather go places and talk with other people in the group.

I can (usually) get-on quite well, or at least I think I do...
Anyway.
It is a "performance", and afterward leaves me exhausted.
Basically, my rules are:
1. Feign enthusiasm, positive and negative
2. Mirror the other person or people

I so agree with the "performance" and "exhausting". I can get through short bursts of interaction, it's the day in/day out 8 hours a day/5 days a week crap that gives me meltdowns after a time. Probably why I have had more jobs than I can remember

Any human, autistic or not has the potential to function better than they are at present. We can all improve if we try


ingestion of good diet
good rest
ingestion of good water
ingestion of good air
ingestion of good media
ingestion of good company
removal of toxic exposures

Unfortunately many peoples lives are akin to that of a battery chicken

Excellent advice surf man.

For a long time I was following the rules - feign interest, say less, smile more just so i could get by and hold down a job. However more and more i feel that i am not being true to myself and its like i live a secret inner life that no-one can share with me.

However now that i am aware of the diagnosis of aspergers I wish to go back to my teenage level of functioning whereby I expressed myself openly despite others reactions, with experience i hope that i will be able to do this more tactfully.

Right now i am struggling with self expression in terms of emotion. I either hold it all in and am robotic following the rules, or i go into compelte meltdown, the safest emotional expression for me is anger as it tends to keep people at a safe distance. Love seems to be the hardest emotion to convey, basically as i see it, I experience the world very intensely including emotions they seem to be somewhere off the richter scale and trying to connect to my emotions and convey them without overdoing it is very difficult.
I am now trying to find a more authentic expression of me, something of a compromise between robotic responding and emotionally loosing it. This is posing quite a challenge.

I have also started disclosing to my friends about apsergers in the hope that they will understand and help to climb the emotional wall that i put up when things get too intense. By disclosing i am putting myself out there and expressing how it feels to be me and why I have difficulty connecting in a meaningful way to the people in my life.

Sharkgirl, you are being very courageous and I hope it all goes well for you. The need to be authentic is important to everyone. Wish I was braver, for so many years and so many letdowns and betrayals keep me walled off, but safe.

I hope your friends are all very helpful to you!

Thanks back again,
I am very lucky to have such good friends that have put up with my lack of reciprocal emotional interaction.
I am not sure why they have hung in there but i am now starting to appreciate them far more than I ever did before.

I am sick and tired of this invisible bubble that holds me prisoner and stops me from interacting on anything deeper than surface level.
Its time for me to finally smash through this bubble. I have been planning this for a long time in my imagination.
I hope you too can throw caution to the wind and smash your own bubble.

Good luck your future awaits you.

I agree with above advice. I am only self-diagnosed in last year at age 53. So I had to "fly by the seat of my pants" through life and learned, without even realizing, how to act "normal" in some situations. Can only keep it up for short encounters and in some situations. It helps in some ways but since I am not normal most of the time, and some people who I know or am around more see me as I really am, I think this ability might make me more confusing. Like they are thinking, "why does she act so differently at times" and maybe they think - well, god only knows what.