Hugs: Sweet Misery

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So, I've always loved the idea of hugging. It seems like a wonderful thing and with the right person it's theoretically awesome. So I'm always open for a hug, but then as soon as I get one it's like "Oh god someone's touching me please let this be over now!" And then as soon as it's over I want a hug again.

Why, when even when you WANT the physical interaction, that when you get it, it's horrifying or distractingly uncomfortable? I can never enjoy hugs or other such interactions even when I want them because they're so awkward and stuff.

I know the sensory reason, but when it's voluntary shouldn't it like, over rule the sensory issues or something? Is there any way to negate the negative response?

Hmm, you remind me of my sis. She sometimes asked me to tickle her, but when I did, she shouted that I should stop.

I know the feeling. In my early teen years I felt really uncomfortable when I had to hug. Later I had a lot of female friends hugging a lot, I think that made me get used to it, cause it just feels nice now.
Do you have the uncomfortable feeling always and with everyone?

it does depend on the hug for me; if there is some force applied, it feels a lot better, becouse it's no longer 'light touch'.
also, with people i trust i rarely get uncomfortable, no matter the type of hug

My oldest son seems to hate being hugged but at the same time I think he wants and needs affection.

I give him a kiss on the top of his head before he goes to school every day and briefly put my arm round him. I noticed the other day, when I was busy, he waited for his kiss which of course pleased me greatly. I hope he really wanted the kiss, and not just because it was part of our daily routine. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

my friend has the same feelings as you... now he will actually offer me a hug! He does like them, but he pulls away quickly and tries to physically shake 'the feeling' out of him. Find someone you trust and initiate the hug each time, then you can hug in a way that makes you feel most comfortable. Keep practising. Personally I love the safe and secure feeling that a hug gives me .

I don't understand most hugging. Perhaps it's because I came from a touch-free family: at gatherings the men shook hands and the women traded horrid little dry pecks. There was never anything as demonstrative as a hug, nor, frankly, was there enough affection to require a hug. So I only feel confortable hugging someone I like very much, someone I want to hold. When faced with the it's-my-party-and-I'll-hug-you-if-I-want-to hug, I either physically or mentally pull away.

I love a really good, solid, strong hug. Something that really squeezes me. It makes me relax.

So I love the idea of hugs, and do actually approach people for them at times. But if the hug is "not right" I can't help but pull away.

And I can't stand it if someone just hugs me without warning, even if it's someone who gives really good hugs.

I love hugs, tight ones; they make me feel special and fuzzy inside.
But it has to be from a man. A father figure for preference. I think that's because I missed out on a warm father-daughter relationship while I was growing up.

Hmm, an interesting bunch of responses. Seems like deep pressure is key to a good hug...

Cazza: Thanks, that's good advice. I guess that old adage "practice makes perfect" can apply even to hugs.

Geweldig: It sort of depends, I always find myself being concious of the hugging, I can't just hug and enjoy it. It's pretty much uncomfortable with everyone.

In my case it depends on who hugs you. Once a girl I barely had talked to hugged me and I instinctively moved away. In the end she was hugging me and I was patting her back lightly with one hand while I held the other arm firmly against my body. That made for a very awkward moment.

Other times I just take way too long in realizing when I'm being hugged (Here in Mexico costumarily boys and girls say goodbye with a kiss on the cheek, and sometimes some people sneak in a hug as well) and it takes me way too long to hug someone back, which also makes for an awkward moment, specially if I hug back when the other person is moving away.

There are other people who I like to hug. I even feel sometimes the urge to hug somebody. I find those hugs quite enjoyable. The problem is that I can't really tell the right amount of strength that must be applied into a hug and I sometimes I even hurt people

In the end I've slowly learned to hug people in the correct way, or at least in a less awkward way, and it works fine, except in those moments in which a hug takes me by surprise or I don't really think through before hugging someone else.

I do not like to be touched. I make the exception with my mom since it means a lot to her. Anyone else-absolutely no! Apparently this was a disturbing issue when I was a kid with some relatives. I was with a group of friends, one of whom happen to be a woman (friend of friend). She causally tried to hug me and I jerked back and told her to "Get off me!". She was very startled and didn't know what to make of it.

I LOVE being touched and hugged. Sometimes when it's completely unexpected and/or from someone I really don't like, I'll feel uncomfortable a bit, but generally it doesn't bother me at all.

On a somewhat related note, do any of you get upset or feel uncomfortable of a friend puts an arm on your shoulder, or rests his/her elbow on your shoulder? This never bothered me, but I know plenty of people(mostly NTs, as I only know of a few other people who are definitely on the spectrum) who hate that. I don't really do it anymore since I know people don't generally like it, but there's this guy at work that does it to me sometimes, and while it doesn't really bother me, it does feel a tiny bit awkward in that it's like "wait a minute, I thought this was unacceptable social behavior. Should I be accusing him of homosexuality right now like everyone else would normally do?" Then I just ignore it and go "meh, whatever." As long as he's not grabbing my butt or my junk(or trying to kiss me or something), it's all good.

DerStadtschutz:
I'm NT supposedly, but sometimes wish I wasn't (aspie makes so much more sense in so many cases).

I think the problem most people have with people putting an arm around their shoulder is that it can feel quite patronising (like you are being treated as a small or young person). My brother puts his elbow on my shoulder to tease me about how short I am, for example. It just makes me feel like an arm rest and therefore quite insignificant.
Personally, I also don't like it as it makes me feel stuck and like there is no escape. Don't know about anybody else? It is not easy to let a person know when you have had enough of their arm around your shoulder, unlike with a hug when you can just pull away.... shrugging an arm off from behind your neck is more difficult.
Last thing... I don't like things touching my neck anyway - personal quirk =D.

I don't think you should 'accuse' your colleague of being homosexual, even though he may be. There's nothing wrong with that. Maybe if he keeps doing it to you and nobody else then he might be attracted to you I guess. Just be aware of that!

A hug from my girlfriend is one of the best feelings in the world. However, hugging anyone else is awkward -- even my parents. Until fairly recently, I would involuntarily cringe when anyone touched me. These days I do all I can to play along.