Experiences with medication

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Hello,

A year ago I was told I was depressed and put on Citalopram. I currently take 40mg and while I'm not as depressed as I was last year I don't think, I've never really improved significantly, have never been able to return to working long shifts or even working full time and have been off sick again the last two months where I've found I have ASD, anxiety and depression. For months I've been saying that tablets are no good for me and I want to come off them but have been advised against it by my GP and my boss. I decided to do it anyway and went down to 30mg in March and within weeks I was an emotional wreck again, randomly crying in and out of work. So I went back up to 40mg and on the sick in April.

So now here I am a year later, off work sick again with no sign of going back anytime soon in my mind. Feeling very depressed although it's a different kind of depression to last year. My mood is more stable but I am not me. I've lost interest in everything, I spend days in bed at a time, if it's not that just laying about the house, this week I feel in despair and am not even opening the door to the postman or neighbours and the curtains and blinds are shut so nobody knows if I'm here or not. I have no food in and haven't been able to cook for myself and prepare meals in pretty much a year. At times it is a struggle just to force myself out the house and that's cos I need to eat. I went out with my dog and also on a bike ride earlier in the week but that took some real motivation. I wasn't like this a year ago. I am generally very active and I was but I was breaking down emotionally every five minutes.

Basically I want to come off the Citalopram. I am ringing the GP first thing on Monday because I've had enough. I'm still waiting to go back to the adult autism service and also to see a psychiatrist (apparently about medication) but I don't think I want to go onto anything at all. I think now I know I have ASD I may be better off going cold turkey and seeing if the old me returns. If I crash and burn, THEN let them give me other medication. What are your thoughts? Do any of you take medication? If so what is it, what is it for and how has it affected you?

Thanks