Just A random Ramblings From MoOC

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It kinda feels like life is like a ever moving train. Where you get to choose some of the turns but dont determind what the desternation is. I feel like every one is dragged behind this moving train. And my train is in a long dark tunnel with no light in sight. The further I go the Tireder I get.

I look ahead without sight. I look to the future but do not see. I see the present but see nothing through the darkness.

I once was a kid. But my timeline has moved on from then. My timeline is ever moving forward. I get dragged forward by the ever moving train. Unable to yell out to the other passingers. Stuck by my self in the only journey I will ever take. As I age my body will get weaker my mind will get slower. My potential will continue to diminish. Where and when will this journey end. Why am I on this journey?

When my journey ends. My thoughts will disapear. My mind of thought will cease to be. Only the memorie of me will exist to the few individuals that know me. Until Eventually they die to. So as time passes memories fade. My only journey will be eventually forgotten. As it does not stand out from others journeys enough to be remebered.

I will not be able to see these walls around me. I will not be sad. I will not be happy. I will not try and understand the rest of existance that surrounds me. All that I have learnt will be lost. All that I have seen will fade away.

How do I contiune with my journey know that the casing that takes me on this journey will slowly fade before it finally cannot travel any more.

Seems you are in the throws of Existential angst...welcome to the club.
Cant say that I have found any meaning,inspite of searching for some,best I can do is create small meanings....finishing this book,petting the cat,helping people in small ways when I have the strength.
Most days ,I do little more then Kill time to avoid killing myself.I try and learn even if the information is eventually "lost" I need it the way I need food(even if it ends up as s**t).You are not in charge of the destination of the train(death)but you do have some control over your experience of the journey.You can spend it helping others on the train,reading,playing video games..,or looking at the scenery.