What Do I Hate More: Me, Autism or People

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Where do I start, my problems seemed to have got worse with life than better. Experience with things is supposed to improve, help and make better. However I find the more time I have spent with autism, aspergers and people the more problems I face and the harder it is to handle. I am usually the first to defend autism and say it makes me honest, loyal and trustworthy and so on. If I am on my own then the autism is usually less of a problem unless I try to sleep or come across problems with life. I try and cope with people and life but have found to withdraw and try and deal with one problem at a time, which is the best way for me to cope.

I guess I feel like a mouse in a cat’s world or a foreigner in society. I don’t understand people at all, that includes the body language or spoken and the way they act and treat people. When I write this or hear these things I have a debate with myself (as usual) and I either say it’s my problem because I am different or I am glad I am not like them and so called normal.

I do find people of interest and I am attracted to certain aspects and qualities in people from a far, in fact when I was young I might have got a bit obsessive at times and thought I was in love or best of friends with people but it never lasted. I’m not obsessive with people anymore because I don’t like, respect or trust most people and can see through them more these days. Well I say I am not obsessed with people and that’s not quite true as I am slightly obsessed with Fenton Stone, Super Sleuth in To Kill a Stone Heart by Mason Dove. I wish I was him or friends with him because he is awesome and cool and seems more like me than most people I have met. Although I have never knowingly met anyone else with ASD and most on the internet I have come across may seem different.

I know I can sound like some obsessive psycho killer that hates all people But I would rather hurt myself than others (not that I do) however I do love (I think) my carer/friend (some family) and animals especially my dog. So I am capable, I just only love people that are worth loving.

Dear JohnnyAspie

Are you getting Hate mixed up with Fear? I'd like to know.
It has been pointed out to me that Fear and Hate are (effectively) both the opposite of Love.

If you Love a person, it is probably because you put great trust in them.

So many folk 'out there' are not living in the real world, so they wear masks. Probably they are submerged in fear too. You could "try to love" one of them you think you could win over, and see where that takes you.

Fear is contagious and I guess pandemic. It can be fear of anything from Spiders to little green men or other people -- eg it's only possible that they, in turn, are feared of you-- until you radiate a new message, that is.

Please let me know what any small change of thought pattern does for you. (And, by the way, did they teach you any such things in school?)


Ally

Thus the name Wrong Planet. Apparently the intergalactic stork makes a mistake once in a while and we end up here. Whaddaya gonna do?


The feelings you're expressing are pretty much universal for Aspergians. This human world is a never ending (and oft unpleasant) mystery. Sometimes I get so tired of trying to figure people out and cope in their illogical world I just don't think I can stand it another minute. Then I go hide in my room for a while until my batteries recharge and fantasize that some neurovirus will wipe out all the NTs and we can have the whole place to ourselves.

Ah well, an Aspie can dream...

I love myself but hate how everyone sees me. Good intentions always seem to come out the wrong way.

I think there's a life out there and that i have the ability to do well at whatever i want, i can make friends with nts and all that, just ill never be one of them that's fine. I don't mind , i really don't. The only thing that bothers me is that im no closer to having someone that understands me than i was 20 years ago and it's that one thing thats been holding me back. I just can't seem to get past that issue and without it sorted i don't think ill ever achieve or do any of the things i'd like to in my life, mostly because i don't see the point in doing most things if you can't share the experience with someone..

Thanks for your comments, some I recognise, like me, my thoughts. I actually liked reading them. I like that Karuna loves themselves and has good intentions.

I like Willard’s fantasies (similar) but we have to be careful what you say LOL I like the word Aspergian. Do you Willard think that if we were left in the world that we Aspergians would get on and like each other? Have you met any/many others and did you get on any better than you did with NTs?

Ally = Sorry I don't really know the answer if you are right or wrong or what the difference would be for me. I hate curry hot spicy food and probably fear it because of my reaction to smelling, eating it.......

I am like at least two people opposites with two different views (usually at opposite extreme ends) As for love I agree with the trust comment, at the moment but that might change and probably will/does. I thought I loved then I found love then realised what love was. However I think I need and if that need was fulfilled then it could be filled by someone else i.e. wanting a connection or protection, so is that Love? I know it sounds confusing or deep, not meant to be.

I'm a God a Savant but stupid with enough brains to know my stupidity LOL.

Don't take offense by anything I ever say because it is not meant as offense to anyone unless I direct it by name.

I love myself, I'd rather be autistic than NT, but I dislike a lot of people offline and I think that they really need to change their archaic views on autism.