I guess I'm just posting this because I'm wondering if it would bother anyone else on here. I already have problems going places (due to social anxiety, which is why I'm going). It's certainly not easy for me to even get up the nerve to go to therapy each time.
So my therapist knows that I have problems with direction, etc. Practically the first words out of mouth when I met her (almost 6 months ago) were that I thought that I had asperger's. Of course as I learned more and more and read and watched others who have it I'm freaking positive & that's what I'm attributing the directional issues to because I read that it affects some people with asperger's. I'm pretty sure I even mentioned stuff to her about this that I hadn't told anyone, like how I used to get lost in my high school years ago and end up late for classes. (It was in 2 buildings with multiple floors and a quad, somewhat like a college campus.)
Anyway my therapist doesn't just have a regular office. She has an office in a converted house. You know so it looks classy and homey or whatever. The whole practice consists of 2 houses like this right next to each other. About half the time that I come we are not in her building. Well I go over there & wait in the building and then 5 or 10 minutes after we were supposed to start she comes over and says (like she's talking to a child, or maybe I'm reading that into it, or it's because she actually usually does work with kids so she just talks like that) "We're in the other building today".
Then sometimes she's in the original building but not usually in the same room. It's a 2 story house with like 12 rooms and she acts like I should know where she randomly decided to work that day. Sometimes there is construction going on and we aren't in the original place. Last time that I assumed that & went to the other building (which is full of skinny preppy looking women who intimidate me because they look like the people who terrorized me for years in school) I signed in & one of them (in a condescending tone) said "she's in the other building, go over there". So you see I always lose because whichever building that I choose is the wrong one.
Today I was really fed up. I went in the original building and the lights were all off and the doors were shut. So I assumed that she was in the other building but when I went over there & signed in a skinny chick said "She's in the other building". When I said that "it's a ghost town over there which is why I came over here" she said "I can go get her for you & then she can take you over there" like I'm an idiot or something. So I got angry & stormed out & yelled "I'll go over myself but thanks for always making me look like a jacka**!".
Then when I got over there I was upset and my therapist was descending the stairs because, apparently, today we're upstairs & you know I'm magically supposed to know that. I told her about why I was upset & she said "We're always over here unless there's construction or filming" but that's not always true (there was at least once or twice that we had sessions in this building while construction was taking place on it). Plus how am I supposed to know everything that's happening at her workplace?
Also when we were talking about other things she said something like "if it makes you feel better to get upset when you're here you can" but it never makes me feel good to be upset. Plus it's not like I came in to get upset. It was caused by the environment.
I told my mother that I think that it's ridiculous for anyone (of any mental state) to be expected to go into a building and walk through and open all of the doors looking for people like it's a frickin fun house or something. If you think that I'm exaggerating the direction thing I almost tried to walk out of the wrong end of the house when I left & I must have been to these buildings over a half a dozen times by now but I can't remember layouts of places unless I'm in them like every day.
17 Sep 2011, 4:37 am
