Aspergers and women and girls

Post Reply New Topic

Hi I am wanting to hear from females who have aspergers.

How do you find you compare to other aspies, and other NTS? There are a lot of stereotypes about aspergers and women and would love to hear from you. It's time the world knew being aspie doesn't mean you're some guy with bad B.O and a terrible haircut.

oh, okay...
so i'm not diagnosed yet but pretty sure i'm aspie.
for me i blend in more easily than male aspies, i do that by reading novels and copying (just taking something here and there) popular kids.
Then i joke around... aspies are often good at imitation i heard. i imitate teachers and other people, and i tell jokes. NTs love ths kind of people.
Eventually no one can talk to me without laughing, and my general social awkwardness becomes veiled under my sense of humor.
However i do have one close friend at school. i told her about AS and she's quite understanding.
I see myself as masculine or half-half though, and for now i'm pretty much asexual. There are virtually no gossip about me so in general i am not a person who
attracts much attention. I'm actually quite happy now.

Why are so many Aspie women asexual?

Testing sig. I need lots of replies here. Whoops, it's not html WTF no URLS in sigs?

Ok, for me I have met a few aspie women and we were all different. I think many of us were girly in some ways but also masculine in other ways, ie some would have girly interests but be sort of boyish, or be very social but transgender, or be very girly but not very social.

For me I guess I am kind of girly with my interests but I am not very submissive and not very feminine in that way. My social skills are also limited and I am quite straightforward more in the manner than a male is than a female.

I am strange because if I am with a group of guys I kind of feel like one of them, but they know I am the odd one out because I dont have a guys body like them.

But if I am with a bunch of girls I feel like I have the same body as them but it is a kind of superficial thing we have in common as I am more male in mind, I know it and they know it. It is like I am a sort of male interloper in a female crowd.

Many of my best female friends have been either spectrumish themselves, very independent, or tomboyish.

Anyway I hope that helps a bit with the info.

I i thought i should answer. I don't like talking about my AS very much. Well I was almost diagnosed HFA but they changed it last minute to AS to avoid some stigma's attached.

I am not similar to other women. I am also quite different from aspie men. I get along better with Aspie men and recently i have know an aspie man who shared a lot of my same quirks. It was nice to know i am not alone out there. I actually really have a connection with him but there.

I don't dress for fashion. In fact i get really stressed when people mention how i look out and about. I wish i could just sort of blend into the background more so i make my hair weird and hope that makes people not look too close.

I have many issues in day to day life from showering to time management to cleaning.

I am very introverted and have major issues with other people sometimes but i try to plod on.

I like being comfortable in what I wear... My dressing style's generally simple but I take delight in putting together a nice outfit... I dye my hair too but just highlights.. I love taking care of my health and skin. I like going to the gym and I hate it I don't feel fit... I don't know if this is because my work is connected to the health care industry.. I've dated a guy with aspergers in the past and also NTs.. I think I connect more with the guy who had aspergers... but somehow I liked being with the NT guy coz I felt he had more affection for me in that relationship. I get along with people in school fine. I get along with guys fine but I also have a lot of female friends that might be because I am sort of a feminist...

I had a series of panic attacks before my PhD qualifying exam when I went to see a doc and he diagnosed me with AS which came as a shock to me though my mom has AS.. and that's pretty much my story... Since I only recently found out about it I've been trying to deal with it...

When I was younger I was a tomboy until a friend told me looking your best is self expression and can be creative...

I've been formally diagnosed.

With my appearance, I get girly and put on makeup and nice clothes when I'm in a good mood. When I'm depressed, I just make sure I'm clean, and I don't give a s**t about looking pretty. I'm kind of moody. But lately my good moods are dominant, so now I am girly and dressed up most of the time.

As for sex, I've had it exactly on time. I lost my virginity at 23. The guy was the only jerk I ever dated, and he kinda pushed me into it. I'm not really that mad about it, though, because I was starting to worry that I'd never be able to make myself do it.

I think I'm demisexual. I need to know someone really well and I need to feel loved before I'd try to have sex regularly with them.

Hi.

I don't really know how to describe myself, and other people find me difficult to categorize.
Often others state that I am stoned, drunk, or daydreaming; embarrassing; a tomboy, a weirdo, lesbian or bi; or that I have a mental disorder; or that I am super intelligent and therefore eccentric.

Generally they choose one of these categories temporarily, but decide that it is not the case, and move on to another category. Luckily I have a reasonable sense of humour and do not take myself seriously, so any weirdness on my part remains relatively amusing to others.

However, I think that their difficulty in categorizing me limits their willingness or ability to relate to me. This means that I am accepted by others on one level, but not into their close social lives or families. I am always too.... something. Funny but... Or nice but.... Basically I think that they can identify that I am not normal but can't identify exactly what is unusual about me.

I find that I think about myself very little, and this may be due to how my mind works. I have a very systematic brain and a number of complicated sensory pathways. Until fairly recently I had no idea that I was HFA, or even that such a thing existed. After completing a number of tests it was obvious that I am far more autistic than I had thought possible. It was also very clear that this is an inherited family trait.

After finding this out my life has changed significantly. It explained many aspects of my life so far, which was good. However, I had to revise my expectations somewhat.

Currently I work in mechanical engineering, and programming CNC machines. This is a man's world, which suits me surprisingly well. I wear overalls every day and get dirty and do noisy physical work that is also mentally challenging. This field is loaded with ASD individuals, so even though I am the odd one out as a female, I am similar mentally.

I find that I get along with men far more easily than women. I work with men, play football with men, socialise with men. I am also definitely not asexual!
I have one female friend but unfortunately I have moved to another city and this friendship is difficult to maintain. I find women very confusing, particularly in conversation, where either the topic is utterly boring (e.g. clothes and looking pretty), or manipulative (e.g. playing off social interactions and trying to get me to take sides). I find women physically confusing, as they wear makeup which changes their faces, and clothes which change their bodies. Men seem more physically real.

I have little idea what other AS women are like because I have never met any. I have met men with AS, mostly through work.
In terms of appearance I am not a bad haircut type, though BO is normal in my line of work!

Excuse the monologue, it's late and I am drinking beer.

I'm not officially diagnosed but I'm sure that I'm on the spectrum.

I'm definitely not a girly girl. I always shared more interests with male friends than with females. Actually I had more male friends than female too. I used to blame it on my older brother as I always thought that he had a great influence on me but the truth to be told I always was more masculine in my interests than feminine.

When it comes to my looks I'm pretty feminine. I grew up with 3 very girly cousins that were like sisters to me. I was the youngest of all 4 so the others would dress me up and put make up on me (from the age of 14) and I had no say in it. I was taught it was a necessity. Now I dress "nicely" just for work or formal events - I wear suits, skirts, shirts, dresses and high-heels. However on my free time and on weekends I usually wear jeans, tank-tops and sneakers.

I do dye my hair too. I used to dye it dark brown because I just didn't like my own color. Then I got obsessed with Edie Sedgwick so I asked my hairdresser to cut my hair short and color it blonde. I never regretted it but I got bored of it in a year or so. It was hard to maintain for it to look decent. My hair is long again but I still dye it like dark (more natural looking) blonde.

I'm not big on accessories. Everything I've got is given me by someone who thought I should accessories more.

I don't do sports myself but I like watching it. I can get just as fanatic about certain sport events as my male friends. We have a European basketball championship happening this year and I've already got the tickets.

I like more "guy like" music as well. I mean rock, hard rock or punk music. I really dislike pop music and all the boy bands.

Hmmm... To sum everything up I should say that I'm pretty feminine when it comes to my looks but far from girly when it comes to my interests.

I don't really think of myself as a woman but I qualify under most circumstances:

I don't really have a haircut. I tend to forget to get them and my hair grows out. When I do, I either get a trim or something easily maintained. I am simply not organized enough to manage anything more complex, nor - aesthetically - do I care for anything more complex.

I am femme, and I love the clothes, makeup, etc. when I do it, but I don't do it that frequently. I don't have the energy or interest at all times to go there. Most of the time I prefer my jeans and shirts.

I'm not particularly feminine or masculine, although I have a lot of interests that would be characterized as both. My interest in gaming has never been something socially considered "girly" and I've run into a lot of pushback from men on gaming sites over the years, to the point that I prefer not to participate on most gaming sites any longer, even if I retain my interest.

I'm not female, but in fact male....but I have one female friend who I never knew was aspie till last month.
Shes charming, well dressed (fashionable, cute sorority esque all that) and is well maintained.

I too shower everyday, wear deoderant and keep myself clean shaven and dress apprpriately...so neither of us even suspected the other was also aspie until I was like, hey look I have this thing called Aspegers maybe you've heard of it....and she reacted in a way that kind of hurt, ' what! but your not weird, your really funny and cool and everything! I have aspergers too! " to which i replied, 'well your not some pale skinned, smelly cat woman" and she got it.

i agree its time for these absurd sterotypes to die off.....but then again me and my friend were prime examples as to why only these smelly guys with BO and bad hair cuts get pegged 'aspergers'. Me and Sarah blended in so well with NTs that nobody would peg us as AS, instead they put that on the obvious ones.

In the last 4-5 years I let myself go badly (long story) ...so I'm quite overweight but thankfully I am losing the weight again. Otherwise I'm usually a pretty normal looking person. I've always felt like a male in a females body so I have never been girly, but I have been told for my whole life that I'm exceptionally attractive. Complete strangers stop me to tell me that I have beautiful eyes, and they just had to let me know...it quite bothers me, most things like that do.
I tend to wear jeans and shirts, loose...I can't have my clothes tight or I'll go nuts. If I'm at home I am always in my sweatpants. I mainly share clothes with my husband, we're the same stature (I'm looking forward to losing weight so I can wear "our" clothes again).
It's obvious to others, especially other women, that I am different, but they don't usually know in which way, so I'm usually considered gay. I have tattoos and a short hairstyle, and piercings and I look and act quite young for my age. (Not in a bad way). But I don't think I would be automatically thought of as autistic from my appearance. I've played guitar and drums for 15 years, and was in a band for six years, I "can" do tattoos but haven't for several years, I have an IQ of 135-140, I have a husband and a house and car and a child.
I would definitely say I get on better with males than females, and I for the most part, can't stand being around NT females. (Not meaning to be offensive here, it's just a fact).
Hope this is what you were looking for!

Thanks for replies so far. Keen to get some more.

I find it hard to grasp what it is exactly that others see in me that identifies me as different. But I see the depths of relationships that people form around me and the level of interaction and I know that I am treated uniquely.

While I am not unhappy with the body that I have (female) I do feel that I am a boy. For my whole life I too have got along best with males. I share similar interests (eg. watching sports, video games) and a much more similarly logical way of thinking. I can joke around with them (as long as it isn't sarcasm based) and they mostly talk to me like one of the boys.

Although I am always clean, my appearance would probably be considered as a somewhat disheveled tomboy. I don't do skirts, dresses, any shoes others than sneakers, makeup or girly hairstyles. My work uniform is not in great condition (but despite being told I look like crap I just can't seem to care) and my hair always looks somewhat wild and undone- but again, clean.

Most of the socializing that I do is at work. I am told that I am very quiet and often seem upset (true). I take my breaks alone (often napping on the table) and share very little of my life with anybody, which I imagine makes it difficult for others to know how to engage me. The women do not include me in their groups. I don't think they know how to take someone who is both cut off in communication, and also tomboyish (there is a whole lot of homophobia in my workplace). But I am always polite to everyone, and just want to be left alone, so this situation works just fine for me.