First of all, I have never heard of the term Todestrieb. But in response to a death drive, I do not wish ill-things on people. However, I believe it is human nature to be fascinated by things like super powerful hurricanes of the past such as Hurricane Hazel in the 1950s and famous blizzards like the one of 1977. Although many of us find these fascinating, they nevertheless brought about much death and destruction. But things like war make me nervous and sad. It's hard for me to talk about things like the Holocaust. It's very heart-breaking to read and see the images of things like the Rev. Jim Jones mass suicide in the late 1970s. That bothers me and haunts my memories.
But...as a writer...we can create our own worlds where no in real life gets hurt---it's only fiction. There, I can write about death and destruction all I want to. It doesn't mean I would want these things to happen in real life, but in my fictional world I do have them happen. Writing is a great escape in this respect.
As for self-injury---you are going to find that many of us with autism have practiced self-injury, me included (though for me it wasn't really injury as much as pain stuff). For me it was stress relief. I have found that when my stress levels escalated, I would engage in self-pain practices to relieve this stress---and it worked. But I do not recommend doing this.
As for thinking about suicide---no, I have not thought about it. There have a been a couple or so times that I have been miserable and I have thought something like, "well, according to the average life expectancy, I probably have so many more years to live of which I can be miserable." However, as I engaged in my special intense interests brought about by my Asperger's, the misery went away and I found life to be fascinating and fun again.
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"My journey has just begun."
19 Sep 2011, 7:40 pm
