"Don't take things too personally"

Post Reply New Topic

Can anyone explain what this means to me? It's something I want to work on, but I don't really believe that when people say hurtful things it's not personal.

If someone insults you, isn't that personal? I need clarification on this.

Some people literally do not know how to talk to other people without speaking harshly. It's not so much, "I'm gonna tell this guy he sucks, THEN I'll tell him not to take it personally so he can't get mad." It's more, "I better tell this guy he screwed up, and I really gotta make it stick so he doesn't screw up again so I'll tell him he sucks. THAT'LL keep him straight and oh crap he looks mad, I better tell him not to take it personally."

I know. The saying puzzles me, too. "Hey guy, don't take this personally, but your breath stinks or you can't write or you can't even boil an egg." How else are you supposed to take it, like a joke?

Or when some people preface an answer to a question by first asking, "Honestly?" I usually say, "No, you can lie a little. I don't mind."

These things drive me crazy and don't make sense. And then I start thinking something is wrong with me because I "take things personally." I don't get it at all.

I've also learned that when people give ANY kind of preface, something bad is coming.

"Don't take this personally, but..."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"I don't mean to be rude, but..."

and the worst: "Maybe I shouldn't say this, but..." THEN DON'T SAY IT!

It seems as though people care less about the person they "correct" and more about themselves.

I have had honest, and straightforward constructive criticism, and am not against it whatsoever. However, that's not usually the case. Many people give "advice" on things they don't even know about.... and then make me crazy by saying, "don't take it personally."

It sometimes makes me feel insane as if I'm in Opposite World.

I HATE THAT PHRASE WITH A PASSION BECAUSE:

--It isn't at all a question whether or not you take things around you nor is it how you respond to them. The bottom line is that it can be downright frustrating when people, on a whole, stubbornly insist on refusing to give you what's called the "benefit of the doubt" meaning, hearing what you have to say with a clear, open mind, and being sincere about it, NO arguments, NO kid gloves, NO cheesy lip service for that matter. ( Plus, we already know darn full well how to relate to people without having the latter three being rammed down our throats.)

--Which leads to the next thing, if there is something troubling a person, whether it's a legitmate problem or concern, don't just openly dismiss it, as I already said, keep an open mind.

--There are those of us who DO have the sudden tendency to get VERY nervous to loud noises, bullying, teasing, etc. because we already how to follow our consciences without listening to patronizing, unwarranted, "constructive" criticism on how not to be so "annoyed and easily distracted" (And yes, again, we already happen to know full well on how to be humble about it, too, otherwise they can kiss somebody else's ass, pardon my French.)

--Lastly, it's way too cliche.

I think the phrase is supposed to mean the person is trying to come across as neutral in their statement; it’s like an FYI sort of thing. Although it’s been my experience that’s a load of bulls—t.

So you're saying I should never be honest and only tell people what they want to hear even if it's a lie and I hate to lie, and even if I tried to my body language will probably give away what I really think because they are often exaggerated due to my learning them from TV? As if politicians weren't bad enough for doing that! Except maybe for the body language part, they actually learn how to use body language to make it look like they care. There's actually a "Worst Case Scenario" book for politicians that explains "How to pretend that you care" and that's one thing I could never do. Meh...

It's not being honest that's the issue, it's the phrase, "don't take it personally".

I see people say it when someone does something wrong but it's something they do to everyone so when someone else tells you "don't take it persona;" they mean don't take it seriously because it isn't you, it's them. You did nothing wrong, it has noting to do with what you did or do with your neurological wiring.

When I see someone treat everyone like garbage, I don't take it personally what they do because they do it to everyone and it's obviously them, not me. I tend to take people less seriously when I see them treat others like dirt. I then know it has nothing to do with me being different whatsoever. I would just say to someone "don't take it personally" if they became their victim of their meanness and were upset by it and tell them they do it to everyone so they know not to take it personal.

I am guilty of taking things personally and then realize it had nothing to do with me and it's that way for everyone else and I feel better. Sometimes I still get paranoid thinking I am being picked on or singled out because I am different.


After reading this thread, I have never seen this phrase get used that way.

Every time, the first thing that inters my head is my own voice say...."How can I take it any other way...I Am a person" ...which make it difficult to hear what they say next

Well, there is the one possibility that is sincere... if they're talking about the actions of a third party who has some particular issue and they want to let you know, "Hey, don't take it personally, he had a stroke and can't censor himself properly," or something like that (I've heard certain kinds of strokes actually do that... dang...).

But yeah, otherwise it's a symptom of a weak mind. People afraid to have anyone mad at them, but driven by some primal need greater than that fear to say something. I once had a guy tell me a bunch of lies his mother had told him about my religion, bunch of stuff basically indicating that he believed her over me on the matter, and then had the stupid audacity to ask if I was mad at him. Didn't want me to be mad at him after he answered everything I said with, "Oh, yeah, well my mom said you actually..." blah blah blah. Why would I be mad? You just sat here for ten minutes publicly calling me a liar about my own religion. Silly me.

Also, it's a tool of the manipulative. The "come on, you need to cultivate a sense of humor" group of people, the ones who end everything with "LOL" and "j/k" especially after calling you a dimwitted, butt-scratching, nose-picking ret*d. "It's a joke! You need to learn to laugh at yourself! Come on! Have a sense of humor!"

Fact is, we do understand, when it comes down to it. Maybe we should make up some shirts that read, "I'm Autistic, not stupid."

Never mind, I thought surely that had been done, and sure enough, lookie here:

http://www.zazzle.com/im_autistic_not_s ... 9796446452

When B tells me not to take personally something that A did/said to me, I think if A would act like that to the Queen of England. If not, then it IS PERSONAL.

"Don't take it personally" is a product of NT communication. They spend so much time sugar coating the truth for each other, delicate little flowers that they are, that when they need to say something that's usually "off limits", they have to try to prevent the other person from having a drama about it.

Pickup and read a copy of The Four Agreements by Dr. Miguel Ruiz, a self-help positive thinking type book based on four agreements you make with yourself to live life by, all derived from the wisdom of the Toltec people in Mexico. One of the four agreements is "Never take anything personally," and has an entire chapter or so devoted to it. The other 3 agreements and the entire book are great, but even if you read it just for this chapter I think you'll get a much much better idea of what it means not to take things personally since the author spells out it and defines it so well. This is one of those best seller positive thinking books that's recommended by billionaires & Bill Clinton etc for good reason.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.